


Your face, so sweet and tragic

by elenlith



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Aftermath of Torture, Angst, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, F/M, Force Bond (Star Wars), Slow Burn, Smut, Temporary Amnesia
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-04-13
Updated: 2017-12-11
Packaged: 2018-06-02 02:24:49
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 26
Words: 55,702
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6546706
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/elenlith/pseuds/elenlith
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Rey is training with Luke Skywalker to become a Jedi. Kylo Ren is suffering daily torture alone in a cell. Their Force-bond brings them together, and though they both find it a nuisance, Luke sees an opportunity. While looking for a way to severe the bond, Rey discovers Kylo's awful predicament, and something starts to change...</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hi guys! So, I'm ready to post the first chapter of my reylo fic *fidgets nervously*  
> This first chapter is a little fragmented, as the point of view switches frequently; it'll get better in later chapters.  
> I hope you enjoy this story, and if you do, please leave a comment :) Apologies for any mistakes, as English is my second language!

Pain. So much pain.

_I want to be free of this pain._

Little pinpricks of light crowded his vision, while his whole body was on fire. His mind was scattered, the physical agony too strong. Yet, there were moments – fleeting moments – when his consciousness surfaced and the pain doubled, because consciousness brought visions and memories along, and those visions and memories were excruciating.

\--

_Will you help me?_

_Yes. Anything._

Rey woke up with a start and sat up, frowning. The voices she had just heard in her head… she thought she recognised them, but now that she was awake they escaped her. Rey lay back down and closed her eyes, willing herself to sleep.

In the morning, after she woke up, she wolfed down her breakfast and began her physical training with more enthusiasm than usual. But when she switched to her meditation exercises, Rey struggled quite a lot. She couldn’t shake off the uneasy sensation she had felt the night before. Luke noticed, but kept his questions to himself.

\--

_I know what I have to do but I don’t know if I have the strength to do it. Will you help me?_

_Yes. Anything._

Rey trembled, thinking desperately _No… I don’t want to know, I don’t want to see..._

She didn’t want to hear those voices again. Now she knew what they were. They were Han Solo’s last words, right before _he_ had killed him and… Rey didn’t really know how to react.

_I’m being torn apart. I want – I want to be free of this pain._

Kylo Ren sounded tormented. He sounded desperate. Suddenly her vision filled with images: Han’s chest being speared by a bright red light, his hand going up to caress his son’s cheek for the last time, Kylo Ren’s eyes filled with tears, his face full of doubt and anguish.

Then, abruptly, mercifully, the visions stopped. However, Rey didn’t wake up. She was sucked in by a strange darkness. A darkness pierced by a single, thin beacon of light. She instinctively grasped at the beacon and followed it, and soon after she found herself in a dimly lit room; looking around, Rey thought it looked familiar, and after a moment she understood why. In the centre was a chair, very much like the one she had been strapped to on Starkiller Base, and there was someone in it.

Rey approached it cautiously and gasped. Tall, too tall and huge to fit comfortably in the chair, Kylo Ren lay unmoving, with his head dangling at a strange angle, hair dishevelled and damp. He was half-naked, and he looked very worse for wear: a deep scar ran through his side, and a myriad of purple bruises covered his chest and stomach. The only indication that he was alive were the shiny tears rolling silently down his cheeks.

Incredulity appeared on Rey’s face. Stunned, she observed him for a while, wondering if she could let herself be a tiny bit compassionate towards him, but she blocked that thought immediately. He didn’t deserve it. He may appear extremely vulnerable right now, but he had killed his own father, the parental figure she had always longed for. She could hate him freely, unabashedly. He had made it so easy, it was as if his darkness called to her and demanded her rage to feed it. So what if he was being strapped to a chair and tortured?

Suddenly something changed: Kylo Ren stiffened and she instantly knew he had sensed her presence. He slowly lifted his head and saw her; however, his gaze was delirious and feverish, and Rey held her breath, waiting for his reaction. Surprisingly, he gave a frustrated moan and started bashing his head against the seat back. Rooted to the spot, Rey helplessly watched him hurt himself as the same words escaped his lips over and over: “ _Stop – tormenting me – you’re just – you’re not – real – go – away!_ ”

Horrified, Rey turned away from him, and in a flash the vision disappeared and she woke up.

Shaken and covered in cold sweat, she got up and walked out towards the nearest cliff, inhaling deeply and letting the salty breeze cool down her skin, until her unhinged heartbeat slowed down. _What the hell was that?_ Had that been real, or just a nightmare? But why would she dream about something so terrible? Kylo Ren had clearly been delirious with pain and fever, and he had thought she wasn’t real. Was he having visions too? There were so many questions.

\--

“Rey… have you had a bad dream? I can see that you’re unfocused,” Luke observed the following day, after Rey failed to use the Force during training twice in a row. She huffed, frustrated.

“Yes, last night I… I had visions. But they’re visions I’d rather forget.”

Luke stared at her intensely, and then he seemed to have come to a decision. “If you so wish, we can forget them, for now. Come. Pure physical training will distract you and tire you out.”

\--

Kylo Ren woke up in the room that had become his cell on a narrow, hard bed, a searing pain in the back of his head. He sat up, feeling dizzy and confused. He didn’t remember much of what had happened after Hux had had enough of pummelling him and had left him unconscious.

He remembered the nightmares. They always haunted him, especially after a torture session. But he could swear he had woken up at some point, feeling a presence beside him, as if a Force-sensitive individual had entered the room and brought in a gust of salty ocean air. He had almost felt the coolness of the breeze on his feverish skin.

Right then, his traitorous mind inexplicably brought forth the image of the girl. He grimaced, trying to squash the thought of her. He automatically lifted a hand and traced the thin scar she had left on his face during their duel. _Desert rat_ , he thought, clenching his jaw.

Then he summoned the Force and proceeded to knit back together the ripped skin at the back of his head, wondering how Hux had managed to hit him there.

\--

Luke followed through on his promise to tire Rey out. He subjected her to a physical exertion that left her weary. That night when Rey went to bed she fell instantly asleep. But something was wrong. She felt a pull towards darkness again. She saw the flickering beacon of light, she followed it and found herself in a cell. Or maybe a bedroom, she wasn’t sure. The walls were bare, there wasn’t any furniture except for a bed and a chair. A very tall figure clothed in black was leaning against the farthest wall. Kylo Ren’s head was down, and he looked like he was in pain. When Rey swallowed nervously, he lifted his head. His gaze was clear now, and she instantly knew that this Kylo Ren, even though he was hurting, had nothing vulnerable about him. He showed mild surprise in seeing her.

“So, you’re not a figment of my imagination after all. What are you doing here?” he asked, coldly.

“I don’t know” she replied.

“ _How_ are you even here?”

“I don’t know.”

He frowned, looking at her.

“You did something. When I interrogated you back on Starkiller base. What did you do?”

“I didn’t do anything!”

He snorted. “You incompetent girl! You don’t know how to use the Force, and you–  you opened a– a channel between us when you went in my head!” His face was twisted in rage.

“I didn’t mean to do that! How can I stop it? How do I break it?”

“I have no idea” he scoffed.

“I don’t want a– a connection with you. You’re a monster!”

He clenched his jaw. She felt a wave of regret that wasn’t her own, but it disappeared before she could say anything about it. Had it… had it come from him? _Regret_? She squinted at him.

Kylo Ren screamed, enraged. “STAY OUT OF MY HEAD! I DON’T- AH!”

He doubled over in pain, clutching his side. Rey made an instinctive step towards him. He sensed it, and lifted an arm to stop her. “Don’t come any closer. Go away. LEAVE!”

Rey closed her eyes, and a moment later she woke up.

\--

During breakfast, Luke looked at her and saw that her mind was still uneasy, so he asked Rey about it.

“I had visions again.”

“What did you see? Tell me, Rey,”

“I saw Han’s killer” she said softly, looking down.

Luke flinched. “You saw Ben?”

“Yes… Ben. Kylo Ren. Han’s son.” Rey lifted her face, her eyes full of unshed tears. “I don’t want to see him! He killed Han! I hate him, but he said that I’ve created a connection between us with the Force when I entered his mind, and– and I think he’s been having visions of me too! Please–” Rey took one of Luke’s hands in hers. “Please help me get rid of it!”

Luke listened to her plea in silence, a frown on his face.

“Rey… what was he doing?”

“W-what?”

“When you saw him, what was Ben doing?”

“He was… I think they are torturing him. One time he was delirious with pain, and he was crying, and another time he was in his right mind but still in pain. Why would they do that to him, to one of their own?”

Luke didn’t answer, turning his eyes towards the horizon, seemingly lost in thought. Rey knew better than to disturb him, so she composed herself and waited. After a few minutes Luke spoke again: “Rey, I know too little about what happened when he interrogated you to know if your connection can be broken without damaging you. I could teach you how to shield your mind from his, but it will take time.”

“Alright, I’ll do anything. Just- just teach me.”

“Rey… listen to me. It will sound preposterous to you but I don’t think that this… bond between the two of you is a completely negative thing. You said he was crying. Have you any idea why?”

Rey was stunned into silence. How could her link to Han’s killer be a good thing? But she trusted her master, and she tried to reflect on what he had asked her.

“When I had the visions for the first time he didn’t… he didn’t look exactly happy after– you know. And while we talked I– ”

“You what, Rey?”

“I felt regret. But it didn’t come from me, so I guess I was feeling what he was feeling? Do you think it’s possible? That he feels regret? _Him_?”

“I think the fact that Ben is being tortured, and that he feels regret… it could be a sign.”

“A sign? A sign of what?”

Luke gave her a little smile. “A sign of hope.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, here's chapter 2! Thank you so much for all the kudos, they made me very happy! :)

Rey’s training was hard, physically and mentally, but she never complained. Living and training on the island with master Luke was everything to her; she loved learning more about the Force.

She often thought about Finn, hoping he was regaining his strength back at the Resistance base. She missed him but she wasn’t worried about him; he wasn’t alone, he had Poe, and Leia, and BB8. Thinking about Finn and her other friends made her feel less lonely, especially now that she felt more and more uneasy because of her visions.

That night, as soon as Rey closed her eyes, she felt the thin thread of Force connecting her to Kylo Ren. She couldn’t do anything to resist it, so she let it lead her to him.

She saw him immediately: he was lying on a bed, his naked upper body a pale canvas blooming with blue and purple bruises, red scratches and dark dried blood. He was asleep, once again looking utterly vulnerable.

It would have been so easy to kill him. Rey felt a surge of hatred inside of her. She cautiously stepped forward, looking at him, but she faltered when she noticed two streams of tears rolling incessantly down his cheeks. Rey felt unsettled by the sight. She turned around, unable to keep looking.

“I don’t want to see… I don’t want to see you like this. How can I kill you like this? _Dammit_ ” she muttered to herself. As much as she tried willing herself not to feel even slightly compassionate towards him, it came naturally to her when she saw him so defeated.

“I’m sorry I’m making this so hard for you,” he answered in a hoarse, feeble voice. Rey slowly turned back to face him. His eyes were still closed, but his lips were stretched in a grimace. “Although, what’s inside my head right now it’s far worse than physical torture. Dying would be a blessing, I assure you.”

“By all means, let me inside your head so I can see this terrible torture of yours and decide what to do with you,” Rey spat out, acidly. In another time she would have marvelled at her own coldness.

“You think…” he paused, a wave of pain cutting his breath short. “You think after last time I wouldn’t close my mind to you? I won’t allow you in my head, ever again. You’re seeing my physical form, and that’s it. Bruises and broken ribs don’t hurt as much as–” He fell silent, heaving, the fatigue clear on his face.

Rey narrowed her eyes. “As much as what? What’s going on in your head?”

Kylo Ren opened his eyes, fixing them on her. She kept absolutely still under his scrutiny, but inside she recoiled: his stare was full of hate, cold and terrifying… but also, surprisingly, terrified. Curious, she focused on that last aspect, and she had a sudden vision of a bridge suspended over a dark abyss, a red sizzling blade and the ghost of a caress on her cheek. She gasped, hoping he hadn’t noticed her involuntary peek in his mind. His expression hadn’t changed, if anything it had hardened. Hostility was written clearly in the curve of his mouth, in the clenching of his jaw, in the twitching of a muscle in his cheek.

“Go away,” he said, his tone cold.

“I will be back. I can’t help it. It’s…”

“I know what it is, but I still don’t want to see you ever again. Go!”

Rey obliged, coming back to her own mind. She took a deep breath, considering the series of images she had glimpsed in her enemy’s mind. A suspended bridge, a red blade… that was clearly the moment Han Solo had been killed. And the caress… Rey had felt it on her cheek, but she was sure that Kylo had been the one to receive it, probably the first loving touch he had experienced in a very long time. The last loving touch he would ever receive from his father.

Warm tears started falling from Rey’s eyes without her noticing. Startled, she wiped them away with the back of her hand, and a sudden thought occurred to her. _That’s it! This is what has been eating away at him_. Rey felt, once more, a sliver of pity and compassion for Kylo. Now she understood what he meant when he said that torture was better than being in his mind. If he relived his father’s last moments, knowing that _he_ was to blame, every time he was left alone with his thoughts… Rey shivered, thinking how unbearable that was. But then she thought about Leia’s grief, and Chewie’s, and her own pain for Han’s death, and her heart hardened. _Let him suffer. Let him suffer for what he did_.

\--

Luke hadn’t lied when he had said that learning to shield her mind from Kylo Ren’s would take a long time. Rey just didn’t imagine that it would take _so much time_. They had spent all morning trying to figure out exactly what the connection was: Rey could project herself were Kylo was, and she could sometimes feel his strongest emotions; she didn’t know if she could touch him, or if he could project himself where _she_ was and feel was _she_ felt. Luke was convinced that in time the possibilities would develop further if only Rey would accept to explore the Force-bond. For now though he decided to give her what she wanted, teaching her how to protect her mind. Unfortunately, she had been working hard all day without making any progress: it was past sunset and she was back to square one. Luke understood her frustration, because he knew that she would have to go to sleep and see his nephew again. He just hoped that their encounters would result in something good. What, exactly, he still didn’t know.

When Rey went to bed she lay awake for a while, brooding, feeling like a convict on the executioner’s block. When she finally fell asleep she was immediately transported to Kylo Ren’s room. She found him sitting on the floor, apparently meditating; relieved that she could avoid talking to him, she sat cross-legged opposite him without uttering a word, and then she closed her eyes. Rey knew that he knew she was there. She was just glad he too had chosen to stay silent.

After some time – could have been minutes, could have been hours – he asked her “Are you even doing something about this goddamn connection between us?”

She opened her eyes and looked straight at him; his eyes were still closed, his admittedly handsome face almost serene. He looked a lot like Han, although Rey knew that once open, his eyes would remind her of Leia. The scar on his cheek and forehead did nothing to diminish the unique charm of his features.

_I gave him that scar_ , Rey thought, still bewildered.

“Yes you did. It’s not a great accomplishment; it’s just a bloody scar. Now answer my question.”

Had Kylo read her mind through the bond? Had he simply read her face? Rey narrowed her eyes. “I actually am doing something about it. I’ve been training to shield my mind from you.”

“And yet you are here. Your teacher mustn’t be very skilled.”

Rey’s cheeks flared up and she answered, annoyed “I have the best teacher I could ever wish for! It isn’t his fault if I can’t–”

Kylo Ren opened his eyes, arching an eyebrow. “ _His_ fault? Are you training with my uncle?” he asked icily.

“As– as a matter of fact, yes I am.”

For the second time Rey felt a wave of feelings that didn’t belong to her: anger, envy, longing. She looked at Kylo. His pale cheeks coloured slightly and he rose, punching the wall with violence. He acted so suddenly that Rey flinched, jumping on her feet and yelling “What the hell, you’ll break your hand!”

“Leave” he demanded, his voice cracking. “I can’t stand you. Leave. Every time you’re here I–”

Rey finished his sentence. “You lose control. I make you feel– something.” She frowned. “What is it?”

Kylo watched her with pure hatred. She understood and managed to leave, waking up abruptly in her cot.

\--

When Rey saw Luke that morning she recounted everything that had happened. She wanted to understand why she was the cause of Kylo Ren’s bursts of emotion.

“He gets so upset whenever he feels something… he’s– he’s so unstable! He hurt his head the first time he saw me, he nearly broke his hand when I mentioned you, and he was feeling angry but he was also feeling… homesick I guess? How is that possible?”

“Rey, this is a very good thing! Longing is positive, longing could… he’s being slowly drawn to the Light. Rey, can’t you see it?” Luke’s eyes glimmered in the soft light of dawn. She had never seen him so animated.

“But why _me_? Is it the bond?” she asked, exasperated.

“I don’t think it’s the Force-bond. I mean, it _is_ useful, but I suspect Ben was drawn to you before you created it. He sought you out and took you on his ship.”

“Because he wanted information from me!”

“He could have captured BB-8 as well, but he forgot about him the second he had you. There’s something about you.”

Rey snorted. She really didn’t want to hear it.

“Can we train now? Please.”

Luke nodded, a spark of amusement on his face.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guys, thank you for taking the time to read (and appreciate) this story, it means so much!! Here's a new chapter, hope you enjoy!

Every night for the following week, whenever Rey joined Kylo Ren through their connection, he didn’t utter a word. He completely ignored her, and despite her master’s hopes, Rey was perfectly happy about it and didn’t try to speak to him, knowing well how that would end.

She spent her days alternating combat training and meditation. Luke was still teaching her how to shield her mind, but more often than not, Rey’s thoughts were so unruly and churning that she never managed to reach the mental serenity that would allow her to make any actual progress.

\--

Kylo Ren was brought into his room by two stormtroopers and thrown carelessly on his bed. The pain made him wince, but by the time his jailers locked the door, he was out cold.

He found himself surrounded by darkness, deep, stifling and viscous. He felt smothered, helpless and unable to breathe, when he saw a flicker of light. It was twinkling, inviting him to come closer. He managed to do that, and instantly he was transported out of the darkness and on a rocky barren clearing. He squinted his eyes against the blinding sunlight and looked around. The ground was interspersed by bright green tufts of grass, but what really took his breath away was the view of sapphire water all around him. He recognised this place. He had seen it in the girl’s mind, a long time ago.

_If I’m here she mustn’t be very far…_

Suddenly he heard faint noises coming from his left. He took a few steps in that direction and saw her: she was training, performing complicated combat moves with a long staff in her hands. Her movements were so fast and sinuous they looked effortless, but he knew better. Her skin glistened with sweat, her expression hard and determined.

He turned, his back to her. He didn’t want to interrupt her; honestly, he didn’t even want to talk to her. He sat down, looking out to the sea, letting the blue fill his vision. Blue was such a rare colour for him.

\--

Rey decided to take a break from her training when the ache in her muscles became too much to bear. She stepped towards a small boulder where she had placed a towel and a water flask, and while she was drying off her sweaty brow, she caught sight of a lone figure sitting down not far from her. She immediately recognised his profile. Her heart skipped a beat in surprise.

Rey knew she’d have to approach him eventually, but she observed him in silence for a little while, frowning: he was in a bad shape. His naked torso and back were almost unrecognisable under a bloody criss-cross of red welts.

_Tortured again._

He was gazing at the sea, a pensive look on his face. Rey wondered what he was thinking.

“How much longer are you going to lurk over there?” he asked her.

She flinched, and walked towards him. “I wasn’t lurking,” she said hastily.

He lifted his head to look her in the eyes, and arched an eyebrow. “If you say so.”

“What are you doing here?”

“I didn’t come here on purpose. I must have passed out.”

Rey snorted. “Passed out? Why? Weren’t you the one who said the bruises didn’t hurt very much?”

“I guess my torturer was a bit too enthusiastic today,” he answered quietly. Rey bit her lower lip, feeling somewhat ashamed of her mocking reaction.

“I need to speak to Luke Skywalker,” Kylo Ren declared all of a sudden.

“You…you do? Why?” Rey asked, shocked.

He grimaced. “My reasons are my own. Go fetch him.”

Rey pressed her lips in a thin line. “I’m not a dog. And anyway, how do you know he’ll be able to see you?”

“How do you know he won’t be? He’s a _Jedi_ ,” he answered haughtily.

Rey felt her hands itching to slap him, but she released a sigh and got away, looking for her master.

\--

Luke Skywalker had aged. His face bore the marks of time, the lines on his brow and cheeks deeper than he recalled. Kylo Ren regarded him coolly, in silence.

The man greeted him. “Hello Ben.”

Kylo Ren didn’t pause to think about what it felt like to be called with that name from that man. He pretended not to be affected at all.

“Uncle,” he answered curtly. “I need to discuss something with you.” He briefly glanced at Rey, who stood beside Luke. “Alone.”

Rey raised her head, outraged. “You know I’ll learn about it the instant I choose to enter your head! Why exclude me now?”

Luke had been observing his nephew’s face very closely. He saw something there, something that made him say “Rey, please, leave us.”

“But–”

“Please.”

Rey fell silent; she nodded, throwing a furious glare at Kylo Ren, and stepped away.

\-- 

“Talk to me, Ben,” Luke said once Rey had gone.

His nephew bit the inside of his cheek. He looked conflicted, but Luke waited patiently. Ben hadn’t changed much in this respect: back when he was his padawan, he always used to hesitate before confiding in him.

Suddenly he straightened up, and his face took on a look of determination. Finally ready, he spoke: “They’re torturing me, as you can see. Snoke told me that he can still sense the call to the Light inside me, stronger than ever. And he intends to crush it, subjecting me to physical pain. That… That’s nothing new. The issue here is… he also knows I’ve been having nightmares, that they’re excruciating enough that he deems them an adequate punishment. But the nightmares– they weaken my mind… and when I wake up Snoke uses the Force to enter it. I don’t know what he’s looking for, but I know that if he finds out I have a bond with the girl, he’ll kill her. I try to hide it from him, but when he delves into my mind he’s… he’s brutal and I can feel my focus slipping. I know I won’t be able to hide the connection for much longer.”

Luke could see, clear as day, how hard it was for his nephew to admit his weakness.

“What do you want from me, Ben?” he asked, not unkindly.

Kylo Ren frowned, his lips pressed together.

“I need you to teach me how to break the bond. Or at least, how to hide it completely from Snoke’s prying.” he said, clenching his fists.

Luke observed his nephew for a long time, in silence. He had turned towards the sea, his body rigid, tension oozing off him in waves.

“Ben, why do you want to shield the bond? Why would you want to protect Rey?”

His question was met with silence. This time though, Luke wasn’t willing to wait.

“Ben, answer me.”

“I don’t know, alright? I hate her, I shouldn’t care at all! But Snoke is right, the Light _is_ calling to me! I don’t know, I just… I thought I would feel better, stronger, I thought the pain would stop _after_ , but…” his voice was full of an emotion so unstable and complex that Luke was having trouble deciphering it. “She’s innocent I guess and… I don’t know why the hell I care but she’s innocent and she doesn’t deserve to die.”

Luke noticed his nephew’s own surprise when he finished talking, as if such a concept had always been foreign to him. In a sense, it _was_ a foreign concept. Caring enough about someone else had been something Ben Solo had done, a long time ago. It felt new for Kylo Ren.

_Maybe he is coming back. He’s coming back to being Ben._

“I can teach you. Not to break the bond– I don’t think that’s possible. But I can help you to keep it safely locked in a place inside your mind where nobody, not even Snoke, can sense it.”

Kylo Ren didn’t thank him out loud, but the relief in his gaze was unmistakable. “I’ll come back here then. I don’t exactly know how… I think it happens when I pass out, and possibly when I’m asleep. After torturing me Hux usually leaves me alone, and I try not to sleep if I can avoid it, because of my– but anyway, I’ll– I’ll be back.”

Luke nodded.

Kylo hesitated. “I would be grateful if you didn’t tell _her_. At least not– not about the reason I’m doing this. I know I don’t deserve a favour from you but–”

“I won’t tell Rey” Luke interrupted. “But you should. She’ll know soon enough anyway. Why hide something actually good about you from her?”

Kylo ignored the comment about his _goodness_. “I don’t– I can’t stand that girl. I don’t intend to have anything to do with her, not more than necessary anyway.” He clenched his jaw tightly, frowning. _She makes me feel too much_.

Luke merely arched an eyebrow.

“One more thing,” Kylo added. “I heard something that may be of value to you. The First Order is planning to lead an attack on Eufornis Minor. They need soldiers after the losses on Starkiller base, so they’ll raid the villages and steal children from their families. I don’t know precisely when, but it will be soon. A few weeks, a month maybe.”

Luke gave him a sharp glance. “Why are you telling me this?”

Kylo Ren shrugged. “I don’t like owing people.”

“Are you sure you’re not doing it because those children, too, are innocent, just like Rey?”

Kylo scoffed, but didn’t answer. He started to turn away from his uncle, but before he could disappear Luke spoke again.

“Ben... what are your nightmares about?”

He didn’t answer. He tightened his fists again, jerking his face away from Luke’s clear eyes.

“That’s none of your business.”

“Are they about Han?” Luke insisted. “Do you regret killing your father?”

Pain, raw and merciless, flashed on Kylo Ren’s face. Then he abruptly disappeared.

\--

Rey had been sitting, perched on a high rock, and though she was too far to hear the conversation, she had observed the exchange between the two men very closely. Kylo Ren had looked tormented, his features almost twisted in anguish, while Luke’s face remained oddly calm and serene. After a few minutes, Rey saw Kylo disappear.

Luke turned slowly, his eyes searching hers, while a small, genuine smile slowly spread across his features.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guys, thank you so much for leaving kudos, and I'm so so grateful to those of you who left a comment! :D I'm really happy you like my story, and I love to hear what you think of it!

On a gloomy, chilly day, Kylo Ren started his training with Rey and Luke. When he appeared, two days after he made his request to the Jedi, he sported a black eye and a split lip, but no new bloody cuts on his chest and back.

Rey wasn’t sure how she felt every time she had to look at his injuries. She still loathed him, but… how awful was it, that he had to spend his days being tortured, mentally or physically? When would his breaking point be? How long could a human being resist before turning insane?

She often wondered why Kylo chose to stay a prisoner, to bear the torture. Why wouldn’t he use the Force to escape? When she had brought her questions to Luke – asking _him_ was out of the question –, the Jedi had explained that it was very likely Snoke controlled and prevented him from using the Force to attack or to manipulate.  “Or, maybe,” he had added, “he doesn’t have anywhere to go.”

And now he would be training with them, on the island.

When Luke told her what Kylo had asked him, she was shocked. The thought that he had been doing everything in his power to resist Snoke’s probing and to hide her from him left her speechless. And the thought that he had put his pride aside to ask Luke for help once it was clear that he wasn’t strong enough… Rey looked at her master in utter disbelief. “Why? Why does he bother? I thought he’d be happy if Snoke killed me,” she said, trying to mask her annoyance.

“I cannot answer this question Rey. But this is good. Very good,” Luke smiled.

“Alright but… what does it mean? Is he choosing the Light? Master… have you looked into his mind?”

“I have, but with Ben things are never so simple. The pull to the Light in him is strong, and there’s definitely something changing inside of him, but it’s his loyalty to Snoke that's crumbling, not his loyalty to the Dark Side. His childhood wasn’t unhappy, not exactly, but… Leia was often away on diplomatic duty, Han came and went all the time, and Ben… he was a lonely child with a huge potential, and I fear the absence of his parents was one of the reasons he found himself so vulnerable to Snoke’s manipulation. The pain, the hate and self-loathing he developed in his youth, the feelings that led him away from the Light and allowed Snoke to influence and shape him…they made him thrive, and grow powerful, and feel like he belonged. It mustn’t be easy to leave all that behind, even though now he probably knows he could, at least rationally. His mind is a very confused and painful jumble of emotions. I don’t know if turning back to the Light will be possible at all.”

Rey frowned. “But that’s… that’s a bit cynical. Weren’t you the one who insisted there was still hope for him?” she asked.

“Of course there’s still hope. He can learn to accept the Light again, but not if he’s alone. You should help him, Rey. I know I’m asking a lot, but if you can… help him, guide him. Use your bond.”

 _Easier said than done_ , Rey thought, watching Kylo nodding at Luke and completely ignoring her.

Training together to learn how to hide their connection left Rey extremely frustrated. Kylo mostly ignored her, focusing solely on Luke’s instructions, but through their bond she could perceive a lingering annoyance towards her, the feeling he’d rather not have to be in her presence. And that angered her, a lot. She was in the same situation, but was willing to cooperate. Did he think she was happy to be forced to be civil to him? Even worse, Rey knew Jedi weren’t supposed to feel anger. Anger led to hate, and hate led to suffering. And to the Dark Side. But she just couldn’t control her emotions around him.

The only positive aspect of having to suffer through those vexing training sessions was that at night she was so mentally exhausted that the pull towards him was a lot less pressing, so she managed to stay in her head even though she had still not completely mastered Luke’s teachings, Kylo’s presence merely lingering at the confines of her mind.

There were times when Kylo showed up and he was beaten up so badly that Rey was tempted to ask him to lie down and sleep: his body might be resting, back in his room, but his mind was overworking itself, and that had to be bad for the healing process. But she never said anything, knowing that he’d only react with anger. She was getting good at reading him, at interpreting and predicting his actions: seeing him every day, meditating together, discussing with Luke the theoretical aspects of what they were learning… these were all occasions where Rey could learn things about him. She knew that if she had to sway him back to the Light she’d better learn what made him tick, his beliefs, his motives. Annoyingly, she was discovering that – leaving out his fascination with the Dark Side – Kylo Ren wasn’t completely inhuman and cold. He was driven, focused, meticulous; he put all of his energies in the task at hand, not sparing himself one bit. He had an enormous, almost scary knowledge and mastery of the Force. Rey, all instinct and raw talent, felt inadequate, and reluctantly in awe of him.

\--

One day, when Kylo appeared on the island, ready to begin training, he only found Rey waiting for him. Frowning, he opened his mouth to speak, but Rey didn’t let him and said in a rush “Master Luke is on the other side of the island, meditating. He said he’d be away at least until sunset. If you want, we can still train.”

Kylo watched her, slightly irritated. “We can’t train without him. We need his guidance to learn how to hide the bond.”

Rey arched an eyebrow, in mock exasperation. “Of course we can’t do _that_ , but that’s not the only thing we can learn.”

“What are you suggesting?” Despite his annoyance at her, Kylo was intrigued.

“Mind tricks.”

He snorted. “Mind tricks? You want to practice mind tricks on me? Think again, scavenger girl.”

Rey closed her eyes, counting to ten in her mind. Her patience with him was already wearing thin, and he had been on the island for less than five minutes. “I don’t want to practice them _on_ you. I want you to– ” she stopped, biting her lower lip. Suddenly she wasn’t so sure about what she was going to ask.

Kylo merely looked at her, waiting.

“I want you to teach me. Teach me how to properly manipulate someone’s mind.”

“And what made you think that I would be willing to help you?” Kylo asked, coldly.

Rey glared at him. “Well, considering I got the idea from your mind, I thought you’d want to give me some directions. Instinct can only take me so far.”

Surprisingly, Kylo Ren started to chuckle. It wasn’t a full-on laugh, but Rey quietly wished he wouldn’t stop. For a moment she had managed to get a glimpse of someone who was different from Kylo Ren, who wasn’t as full of anger and bitterness, and she instantly wanted more of that person. Rey wondered if Ben Solo as an adult would have been like that.

“I can’t believe you managed to steal so much from my mind in such a short time. How long was it, a couple of seconds? I was right about you, you’re more powerful than you know,” he said, smirking.

Rey swallowed. “You... you think I’m powerful?”

“Why do you think I asked you to join me that day on Starkiller? As soon as you blocked me from your mind I knew you would be powerful beyond your wildest dreams, if properly trained.”

Rey bit her lower lip, looking at him. “So… will you? Train me?”

Kylo Ren huffed. “Yes, little scavenger, I’ll do it.”

\--

It turned out that, once past the coldness he reserved for her, Kylo Ren was a strict but very patient teacher. Without people to practice on, they had to settle for one of the many seagulls perched on the rocks nearby.

“Manipulating the mind of another human being comes easy, because you both have the same physiognomy. The mind of an animal is a very different matter. Their brain structure is simpler, yes, but it is also more unpredictable. It means that, while you’ll take control of their mind very easily, it will be extremely difficult to maintain it. Begin.”

Rey took control of a bird in less than a minute, but then, as predicted, her hold slipped away very soon. She wanted to make the seagull fly in low circles and land right before her, but as soon as she commanded it to soar in the air, the bird cawed loudly and remained rooted to the spot, shutting Rey out. She grunted in annoyance and tried again. And again. And again.

Kylo watched, sporadically giving her directions. He admired her tenacity, and felt oddly pleased whenever she managed to keep control of a seagull a bit longer.

Rey continued to practice, taking only a short break to eat and drink while Kylo showed off making five seagulls at once perform a very complicated flying pattern.

Finally, when the sun had already begun to turn from bright gold to burnt orange, Rey made a seagull fly slow, wide circles above her head. She turned to Kylo, a triumphant grin stretching her lips, and he answered with an indecipherable expression, so inexplicably intense that Rey lost her focus, and the seagull’s treacherous mind shook off her influence. The bird screeched and dived straight towards her. Rey gasped and ducked, but in her haste she tripped and braced herself for a nasty fall on the rocky ground.

Except, she never fell. She found herself hovering a few inches from the ground, Kylo’s hands outstretched towards her. He had cushioned her fall with the Force. Rey nodded, so he released her and she stood. He was very close to her, their chests almost touching, and he was looking straight into her eyes, with the same intensity as before. Rey felt her stomach clench, a sensation not entirely unpleasant. She swallowed, and she saw Kylo’s eyes following the bob of her throat; Rey felt his stare on her skin almost like a physical caress. Then Kylo snapped out of it, frowned and stepped away from her. Rey exhaled, wondering why that moment had made her feel so weak and empowered at the same time.

“Come on, little scavenger. Back to the seagulls. I have an idea.”

Kylo explained to Rey that, since they were linked by the force-bond, they might as well take advantage of it in mind tricks. They attuned their minds and both commanded the seagulls to obey their will: instantly the whole flock soared and started flying in circles in front of them.

“Whoa. This bond is really… something,” Rey whispered.

They kept going well after sunset, when the breeze got chilly and gave Rey’s skin goosebumps. Kylo stopped her then, and said “When Luke comes back, tell him about this. We should… explore the possibilities.”

Rey nodded, and lifted her hand in goodbye, watching him disappear.

\--

Back into his body, Kylo thought back to that afternoon. He recalled a moment when the pull to the Light, that he usually kept confined to the recesses of his mind, had suddenly spiked. He knew exactly what had caused it, and he felt utterly dumbfounded. Was it possible that the violent emotions the girl usually elicited in him were turning into something positive, pleasant even?

Kylo shook his head. He was beyond exhausted, so he settled on his bed and quickly drifted off to sleep. His dreams that night were filled with the sound of triumphant laughter and with the image of a blinding smile.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guys, as usual, I'm very happy and grateful for all your kudos and comments! Keep reading and reviewing, your feedback is precious to me! :D

From then on, with Luke’s approval, Rey and Kylo spent some time exploring their bond: they learnt how to communicate without speaking, how to probe each other’s emotions, how to enhance their projections, and how to make them more solid and stable. Because of their ability to share thoughts they practiced how to put their movements in sync – Luke deemed it a very important ability, and they became so skilled at reading each other’s minds that they soon reached a level of synchronisation that was both impressive and eerie.

Rey found herself more attuned to Kylo Ren. Now she knew there was a different side of him – although she witnessed it rarely and very briefly –, a side that was almost soft, almost boyish, almost innocent. Whenever Rey was able to glimpse those moments, she didn't call him Kylo in her head: she called him Ben, because now she knew that, given a chance, Ben Solo would have grown up to be a remarkable person. The young man who always turned towards the sea right before disappearing, letting his eyes fill with blue; the one who threw glances at Luke, when he thought no one would notice, looking for something on his face; the one who had the habit of running his hand through his hair every five minutes… that wasn’t Kylo Ren. It was Ben Solo as a teenager, a mere shadow of Ben Solo; but it was definitely there, and Rey found herself hoping that Kylo would eventually embrace his given name and become his own person.

Rey could even feel the constant, nagging pull to the Light that reigned in Kylo’s mind. He tended to shy away from it, probably because acknowledging it fully would be very painful: the regret and the image of his parents were very clear and visible, at least to her, underneath the insistent Light.

Kylo was still there though. He was still cold, still quick to lose his temper, still prone to lose control of his emotions if pushed too hard. Rey didn’t know how to reconcile Kylo with Ben. Thinking about it made her antsy and unfocused, so she did her best to ignore the issue, shoving it away, deep inside her heart.

\--

“I really don’t–” CRACK! Hux’s brass knuckles collided with Kylo’s ribcage.

“…understand why–” CRACK! A second blow in the same spot definitely fractured his bones.

“…the Supreme Leader wants me to–” CRACK!

“…beat you bloody.” Hux paused, panting. “Keeping you prisoner is a really big inconvenience. What the hell did you do?”

Kylo didn’t answer. He was thinking about the island, about the blue water, ignoring the pain and ignoring the General.

“Is it because you let that scavenger girl defeat you so easily? How was that possible, by the way?” Hux insisted. “I saw that desert rat, she was so… _unremarkable_.”

Kylo could not ignore this. He didn’t like where this little speech was going, and Hux must have seen it on his face, because he continued.

“Not so unremarkable then? Was she _special_ to you? Did she defeat you because for once in your life you shut your brain up and listened to your c–” Hux fell silent. A wheeze escaped his lips, and his face turned purple. His hands flew to his throat, trying uselessly to fight the invisible grip that was squeezing the air out of him.

“S–supreme… Leader… h–help” he choked out.

He crumpled to the ground, making horrible noises, his lips turning blue…

_That’s enough._

Snoke’s voice echoed in Kylo’s mind and sounded almost pleased. Kylo instantly released his hold on Hux, who gasped and heaved and coughed, trying to regain his breathing.

He stilled, waiting to see if Snoke would talk to him again, if he would enter his mind as punishment for attacking the General. When it was clear that the Supreme Leader had lost interest in him for the time being, he closed his eyes and tried to calm his crazy heartbeat down, using a Jedi meditation technique for the first time after years.

He vaguely felt Hux slithering out of the room, but by now he was deep into his mind.

He knew he would have killed Hux if Snoke hadn’t stopped him. He had obeyed, not because he had wanted to, but because he had realised, with the greatest surprise, that the Dark Side had completely overtaken him – which hadn’t happened in a very long time. And now he was discovering that the aftermath no longer left him satisfied; it didn’t even leave him indifferent. He found that, since killing his father, the Dark Side had lost most of its original appeal: it was no longer something he could lose himself in. The darkness that still was in him had simply become a tool, a resource to exploit and bend at will, something to help him use the Force.

Kylo’s epiphany left him quite unsettled. _How has it come to this_?

The girl’s face suddenly popped in his mind. Was… was she the answer to his question? Was she the cause of his change? Had she gotten to mean something to him, had he started _caring_ again?

He had cared about very few people in his life. He knew their echo called to him, trying to nurture and grow the Light he still had inside. But now it seemed that he had Rey too, and he found that she was the only one whose memory wasn’t unbearable or painful. He sighed, and made his decision.

That night, after the guards had brought him back to his cell, Kylo Ren closed his eyes and began meditating. Quietly, a bit warily, he started to rekindle the little spark of Light into his heart.

\--

He appeared on the island far from his usual spot, finding himself directly in front of the waves crashing noisily on the shoreline. He turned towards the sea, whishing he could actually feel the sprays of salty water on his face. He wondered why Rey was here. The wind and the water didn’t provide a safe spot to practice combat, and as far a meditation went, he knew by now that Rey preferred the calm and stillness of a rocky wall.

He wandered along the shore for a while until he glimpsed her, submerged to her thighs in the water, her arms outstretched towards a group of rocks covered in shellfish and seaweeds. Her face was strained with the effort, her teeth grinding together.

Kylo sat quietly on the damp sand, watching in silence. He had a clear view of her face, and he was mildly surprised to see extreme anger and frustration painted all over her features. He knew Rey had a measure of darkness in her – he had seen it in her mind. However, he had no idea it was so close to the surface.

Rey lifted her arms in the direction of a massive rock in front of her, and after a few seconds it trembled and moved an inch to the left. She let out an angry yell and hit the water repeatedly with a fist. Then she immediately tried again. Kylo had an absurd vision of himself hacking with his lightsaber at the control panels on Starkiller. Rey punching the water felt equally irrational.

He focused on her and he guessed the problem at once: Rey was able to gather the Force effortlessly, to channel it around herself, concentrating it in her hands, but when she had to point it at the rock and release it, something blocked the flow, and the Force dispersed. He shook his head. He knew what she had to do to solve this issue, but he also knew she wouldn’t like it.

“Instead of sitting there shaking your head you could come here and tell me what you’re thinking,” Rey spat at him, without turning. Kylo smirked, standing up and joining her in the water.

“I’ll tell you if you promise not to bite my head off.”

Rey rolled her eyes. “It’s not like I can actually touch you. Now talk.”

“You’re doing it wrong. The Force disperses when you point it towards the rock.”

“There’s nothing wrong with what I’m doing! It’s the same damn thing I do when I move smaller objects!” she replied heatedly. “There must be something wrong with me.”

Kylo shook his head again. “It’s different with small objects. Big ones require a lot more focus and strength, and you happen to possess an unlimited source of strength inside you, but you refuse to acknowledge it and therefore you’re failing. There’s nothing wrong with you, you have everything you need.”

Rey looked at him as if he had spoken Shyriiwook. “What are you talking about?”

Kylo sighed at her stubbornness. “I just watched you lose control and punch the water because you failed to move that rock. There’s darkness brewing inside you. You just need to harness it and use it. It will make you so much stronger.”

Rey’s face paled. She looked like she had seen a ghost. “You– you can’t be serious. What are y–?”

“Listen to me–” he began, but she interrupted him.

“You are _not_ trying to get me to the Dark Side!”

“Of course not! Dammit Rey!” He froze for a few seconds, realising he had called her by her name for the first time. It felt oddly…intimate. She had stilled too, her lips parted in surprise.

He recovered quickly though. “Listen to me, you just have to accept that darkness inside you and use it to control the Force! You don’t let it control you!” Kylo’s tone was more than exasperated.

She shook her head, stubbornly in denial. “I don’t have darkness inside me. I wouldn’t be Luke’s padawan if I had darkness in me.”

If Rey had looked at Kylo right then, she would have seen a small smile grace his features. “Do you think Luke doesn’t know about it? He probably sensed it the moment you stepped on this island, but he accepted you anyway. He knows he has to treat you differently than a regular padawan, because you are more than that. He won’t repeat the same mistakes he made with me. You’re just like me, you can’t control your anger, and when you try to, the effort drains you. Can’t you see? You’ll never be a Jedi, Rey. Not like my uncle. You are not made to follow the Jedi code, there can’t be a ‘ _There is no emotion, there is peace_ ’ for y–”

“STOP! STOP TALKING, I DON’T WANT TO HEAR IT!” Rey yelled at him, covering her ears with her hands and shaking with fury.

Kylo didn’t react, but he saw her eyes blazing in anger, her hands curling in fists, so tightly her knuckles whitened. He felt a dark energy rise from under their feet, and as the waves around them started growing and becoming more and more violent, he paled and ordered with a tense voice “Rey. Out of the water. Now.”

She must have sensed his urgency, because she obeyed without a word. On the shore, the vibrations of the ground were even more noticeable.

“Wh–what’s happening?” Rey asked, uncertain.

“You need to calm down. Take a breath, clear your mind,” he answered.

She looked at him, her eyes huge. “ _Am I doing this?_ ”

“Yes. Deep breaths. Focus.”

But by now Rey was terrified. Her hands hadn’t stopped shaking, and she fell on her knees hugging herself, her breath ragged and laboured.

Kylo knelt beside her. “Hey. Look at me. _Look at me_. Breathe. Good, just like that. Again. Take deep breaths. Think of the stillness of the sea just before dawn. There’s no wind, no waves, no movement. Breathe.”

Little by little, Rey managed to calm down. She focused on Kylo’s voice and brought her heartbeat back to normal. The vibrations disappeared.

Kylo sighed. “Rey, you _do_ have darkness in you. Just as I have Light in me. We just need to accept it, because that’s who we are. You’ll never be a Jedi like Luke, but that doesn’t mean you can’t learn the ways of the Force. I won’t– I won’t ever be a Sith and– I think I’m fine with that. I get it now, we’re in between, you and I.”

Rey’s lips thinned. She was grateful to Kylo for helping her calm down, but she couldn’t accept his words.

“I can’t do what you ask,” she told him, her voice faint. “I don’t want anything to do with the Dark Side.”

Kylo didn’t reply. He knew insisting now wouldn’t help. He turned towards the sea and contemplated the horizon, waiting for the training session with his uncle.

\--

Luke arrived a few minutes later, and he was tactful enough that he didn’t mention the small earthquake that had shaken the island, nor the thunderous expression on his padawan’s face. He went about his teachings as usual, and when he declared they were done for the day, Rey stomped away in a hurry, barely nodding Kylo goodbye.

Before his nephew could disappear, Luke called him. “Ben, I need a word with you, please.”

Kylo nodded. He still didn’t know how to feel about being called by his old name.

“Everything I say to you now, you need to hide it from Rey. Use the same technique I’m teaching you to hide her from Snoke. There mustn’t be trace of her in your mind regarding what I’m about to say.”

“What is it?” Kylo asked, arching an eyebrow.

“Ben, I’ve perceived a change in you. The trigger of it was painful, without a doubt, but I can clearly see that it’s doing you good. I see the Light in you, and I know your loyalty to Snoke is now… non-existent.”

Kylo lowered his gaze. His uncle’s words were affecting him in a way that reminded him of happier times, of laughter and his mother’s smile and his father’s hand on his head. He swallowed. “Go on.”

“I need you to spy on the First Order for us– for the Resistance.” Luke observed him closely. “I know it’s a lot to ask. I know it’s risky. But I also know that inside you there’s a desperate need to atone for your sins. This could be the way. You did it once already, the day you told me about Eufornis Minor. I’m asking you to do it again.”

Kylo kept quiet for a while. In his heart he already knew what his answer would be. He just needed to come to terms with the knowledge that Luke had been able to read him so well, as if all the years of separation and enmity had never existed. At last he looked his uncle in the eyes and nodded.

Luke smiled. “Thank you.”


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really love reading your comments! Thank you so much for taking the time to write them, and thanks to all who left kudos! On with the story :) Xx

There were days Kylo didn’t show up. Luke and Rey would wait for him, but as the hours passed and he still failed to make an appearance, Luke’s face got grim, and Rey threw herself in the most exhausting and demanding physical exercise she could think of, to drive out the anguish Kylo’s absence provoked in her. They both knew exactly what was happening to him.

It came a time when he didn’t show up for three days in a row. Rey and Luke didn’t talk to each other, both equally worried and lost in their thoughts. Rey didn’t want to admit it, but the concern was eating away at her. She was surprised to realise how much her perception of Kylo had changed in the month they had spent training side by side. She didn’t hate him anymore. She hadn’t forgotten what he had done, but she had come to a better understanding of his past and of what his reasoning behind his actions had been. He had never killed for pleasure. There had been occasions where he had let his negative emotions overpower him, and the darkness and bloodlust take full control. She had seen in his mind episodes where his cold, detached order to "kill them all" had caused many innocents to die. But she had also seen the manipulation, the pain, the desperate need to be numb and unfeeling. She now knew that he had always killed because he thought it was the only way to achieve what was right – what he was _led to believe_ was right.

Once, while they were on a short break from training, Luke had mentioned the destruction of the Hosnian system. Rey had instantly felt a wave of sickness so powerful she had doubled over, dry-heaving. She wondered how Kylo could bear to keep standing motionless, given that the nausea came directly from him. She had lifted her gaze towards him, and she had found him already looking at her: his eyes were two black pits of sadness, guilt and impotent rage. She knew in that instant that he had never wanted the death of billions of innocents, but he’d still carry their blood on his hands forever because he hadn’t done anything to stop it. She didn’t hate him anymore, because she, or anyone else, couldn't hate him any more than he already hated himself.

When the waiting became too much to bear, Rey went to Luke and told him she would be going to Kylo.

“It’s been three days. It seems impossible that he’s been unable to reach out to me even once. Something’s wrong.”

Her master nodded.  “Be prepared, Rey. Ben’s absence could mean that the torture is too unbearable to focus on your bond, but it could also be a trap. If he wasn’t able to hide you… then this could be Snoke trying to lure you. Be careful.”

“I will, Master.”

Rey sat, closed her eyes and slowed down her breathing, preparing her mind to grasp the thread of Force that would take her to Kylo.

\--

Rey opened her eyes and found herself in a corridor, the walls bare and metallic grey. There were doors on both sides, but she heard muffled noises coming from the one at the bottom, so she headed in that direction. Just as she approached the door, it opened abruptly and a man with short, bright ginger hair came out; his pale eyes were animated by a malicious glint and there was so much blood spattered on his face and bare chest that Rey almost felt sick. Oblivious to her presence, he strode off down the corridor and she watched him until he disappeared. Then she hesitantly stepped inside the room, fearing what she would find.

Her eyes adjusted to the dim light, and she could make out a human figure kneeling on the ground, arms spread open, each wrist chained to a pole. Her heart sank. _Kylo_ , she thought. _Kylo! Wake up!_ she hurled at his mind. He remained unresponsive. Rey noticed that he was wearing a heavy metal collar that was chafing his skin. Just by looking at it, she felt queasy: it was a Force-suppression collar. _These people are monsters_ , she thought, completely horrified.

Strangely, there wasn’t much blood on Kylo’s face and torso, but as soon as she circled him she gasped in horror: his whole back was an open crimson wound. Rey started frantically thinking about ways to help him, when she heard footsteps approaching: two Stormtroopers came inside the room, freed Kylo from his restraints and unceremoniously dragged him out.

Rey followed. In the middle of the corridor the stormtroopers opened a door and got him inside – Rey recognised the room she had visited many times. They threw him on the bed, where he landed heavily – and luckily – on his stomach.

As soon as the door was locked, Rey crouched down hastily near Kylo’s head. She reached out with her hand, unsure if their connection would allow physical contact. Their projections had been getting more and more solid and stable, but contact? That was another level of skill. Nevertheless, the urge to touch him and make sure he was alright was so strong that Rey didn’t hesitate: she concentrated, thinking solely on the sensation of her skin lightly caressing skin, of the cool air clashing with the warmth of a human body. When Rey felt Kylo’s damp, silky locks and feverish hot forehead under her fingertips, she exhaled, exhilarated and relieved. She gently moved his hair away from his eyes, looking around for something, anything to help with his wounds. Kylo usually appeared on the island with his wounds ugly and red, but they were at least dry and clean.

_How in the world does he do that on his own?_

The room was bare, as usual. There was only a chair with a well-worn, long-sleeved black shirt crumpled on it. Rey suspected it was the only one he had left, but she had to do something to stop the bleeding. She was about to use it to dab at his back, when a thought hit her: the Force! Kylo must have used it to heal himself! The collar had to be a new development.

She had never attempted to close a wound with the Force before, but she lightly squeezed one of his hands, murmuring, “I’m going to heal this mess.”

Rey managed to seat on the edge of the bed, positioned her hands above Kylo’s back, took a deep breath and concentrated on the calming and healing powers of the Force. She felt warm ripples of energy flowing through her body, exuding from her fingertips and slowly but surely laving Kylo’s skin, removing the dried and fresh blood, leaving the skin cut up but clean; then she focused on putting it all back together, and gradually, painfully, the severed muscles and skin started to stitch themselves back together. It was exhausting, but Rey kept going until she could no longer sustain it. Then, completely drained, she looked at the result: the skin was still red and raw and most likely hurt like hell, but the larger, deeper wounds were all sewn back together.

Satisfied, she got off the mattress, sitting on the floor with her back against the bed; feeling a bit dizzy, she tried to catch her breath. After a little while Kylo made a noise, and another, and Rey saw that he was waking up. She turned towards him, and he was blinking, and it took him a good minute to focus his glazed eyes on her face.

Then, surprised, he whispered, “Rey… what… are you really here?” His tone was full of wonder, but also unsure, careful, as though he didn’t want to risk deluding himself. Rey’s heart broke a little.

“I’m really here, yeah. How does your back feel? I tried to heal it but I don’t think I did a good job,” she told him.

Kylo shifted experimentally, and winced. “It hurts, but it feels much better than I remember it.” He exhaled. “You shouldn’t have bothered. You need to save your strength”

Rey smiled faintly. “Save my strength, for what? You’re here… there’s no point in training without you.”

Kylo snorted, amused. “Right. You only need me for training.”

“Well, of course. What else did you expect?” But there was a warm smile in her voice, and Kylo could feel it clearly.

“Why did you come, Rey? You know exactly what happens to me when I’m stuck here.”

“You stayed away for three days.”

“You must really miss training,” he said, his lips curling upwards.

Chuckling, Rey took his hand. “You never reached out to me, Luke and I… we were worried for you.”

Kylo Ren smiled at her. He actually smiled, and Rey’s heart swelled at the sweetness of it. She gave a sharp intake of breath, instinctively brushing his forehead, and she entangled her fingers gently in his dark locks. “Go to sleep, Ben.”

They both froze. Rey’s heart started beating fast, reacting to the intense, almost feverish gaze Kylo fixed on her. Calling him Ben when he had smiled had been so genuine, had felt so right… but he clearly disagreed, because his face darkened, his gaze lost in the memory of the last time someone had called him like that. Rey felt something like a fist squeezing her heart without mercy. Han Solo had called him Ben, not a long time ago.

A single tear rolled off his cheek, then he spoke: “I am not Ben anymore. Ben’s gone.”

Rey sighed, pensive. “You know, I wouldn’t be so sure." She smiled at him, her eyes glistening. "Rest, now.”

She kept on petting his hair, and soon Kylo Ren sank into a deep sleep.

\--

Rey stayed with Kylo for a while. He slept on peacefully, while she enjoyed the feeling of his soft locks under her fingertips. From time to time she pressed the back of her hand to Kylo’s forehead, checking for a fever.

“I hate them. I hate them for what they’re doing to you,” she murmured, glancing at his tortured back.

_I shouldn’t hate. Hate leads to the Dark Side. But I do. I do._

Suddenly, she remembered Luke: he didn’t know what was going on yet, and she’d better go back to her own body and talk to him.

When she opened her eyes she felt her whole body stiff and cold. She noticed the light had changed, and she found that she was famished. Luke appeared with some food and water, and told her she had been away for more than twelve hours.

While they had dinner Luke asked about Kylo, and Rey explained everything that had happened, including the fact that she’d been able to touch him.

“I’m proud of you Rey. You’re getting more and more attuned to the Force,” he smiled at her, looking pleased.

“And I managed to heal most of his wounds. I really hope I succeeded in sparing him some pain. He looked… he looked so helpless and broken, I… I think I saw Ben. Not Kylo.”

“That’s good. Ben’s _good_. Don’t you agree?”

“Well…” Rey knew Luke wouldn’t like what she was going to say. “Whenever I get glimpses of Ben I see someone who’s sweet, someone who’s emotional, but above all, I see someone who’s experiencing incredible pain, and not just the physical kind. I think… I think Ben Solo is still a scared and lonely boy. Ben did not get a chance to grow into a man. Kylo did. Kylo is the strong one. I can see now why he turned to the Dark Side: Ben just felt too deeply. Master… I really see the person he could become, the Ben Solo he would have been if…”

“If he weren’t a Skywalker,” Luke finished for her, his face grim.

“Yes. So I’m not sure he can come back from the Dark Side. He needs it. He needs it because without it he would succumb to the pain.”

Luke regarded her with an undecipherable expression. “Are you saying you’re giving up on him? That you no longer want to try and draw him to the Light?”

“No! I– I will still try. He needs the Light. But he also needs the Dark. He’s… he’s the shadow in between,” Rey answered, unconsciously echoing the words Kylo had said to her not long ago, on the beach.

A flash of triumph appeared on Luke’s face, but it came and went so fast that Rey thought she had imagined it. He didn’t comment further, so she rose, bidding her Master good night.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> New chapter, I hope you enjoy! Oh, and I also hope my English doesn't sound too foreign. Happy reading, and as usual, thanks so much for kudos & comments, keep 'em coming! :D

Kylo Ren was slowly recovering. Mercifully, Hux had kept away and he had enjoyed a day of complete rest. Rey had been a blessing for him: she filled his restricted room with sea breeze, her smile warm and her voice a balm. Kylo hoped what he felt in her presence wasn’t too obvious. He didn’t want her pity.

She was also a reminder that he had to look for useful information, anything to give the Resistance. But his methods of espionage weren’t ordinary at all.

When Hux wasn’t torturing him and when Snoke wasn’t delving into his mind, he was confined to his room-prison, so that it was difficult to gather information. He had to rely on his meditation skills and his knowledge of the Force to be able to spy for Luke. Thankfully, the Force-suppression collar only quashed his ability to use it actively, to compel or attack people. When he cleared his mind and expanded it across the base, he could perceive every living thing inside it, their thoughts like multi-coloured fish darting around. He had to shield his own probing though, because Snoke knew his Force signature better than anyone, and if discovered, Kylo knew his death would be immediate.

The minds of the Stormtroopers were quite simple, emptied of almost everything that didn’t revolve around fighting and obeying orders. Kylo knew he wouldn’t obtain much from them, so he learned to isolate their thoughts and confine them to the background.

The officers were slightly more interesting, but they weren’t likely to have a global knowledge of Snoke’s plans: every one of them had a single task, and their focus never strayed far from it.

Kylo was looking for Hux’s mind: the General wouldn’t feel a foreign presence in his mind even if it hammered loudly against it, and with his arrogance and self-righteousness he would be the perfect source of information. However, Kylo learned that he had left the base. Frustratingly, all he could do now was wait.

\--

Two days later Kylo was back on the island with Rey and Luke. His back was getting better, and the lost, broken look had disappeared from his eyes. This time, strangely, Snoke hadn’t summoned him for the usual mind torture and probing. Apparently his attention was engaged elsewhere. When he told Luke and Rey, he felt a strong wave of relief that didn’t belong to him. That made him smile.

After an intense meditation session, Rey and Kylo went back practicing how to hide their bond, although by now they could almost always conceal it from Luke when he entered their mind to search for it.

Kylo was eager to catch up on lost time, and he wanted to try touching Rey with his projection, just like she had done to him. They decided they’d begin the next day. This time Kylo lingered a little more than usual before disappearing, although his gaze wasn’t fixed on the blue waves: he watched Rey stretching her muscles and yawning with a soft smile on his lips.

\--

Rey awoke at dawn, startled out of a pleasant dream about rain and a forest. She had sensed something approaching, and the feeling increased now that she was awake; as she got up and went outside, she saw Luke standing not far from her, his gaze directed at the sky. A faint buzzing noise could be heard.

“Is that…?” Rey began, unsure.

“Yes. That’s a ship. It’s my sister.”

Right then, a sleek Resistance vessel appeared, and in a few minutes it landed elegantly down at the small beach. Luke and Rey waited for the passengers to join them.

“Are we going to tell her about– about her son?” Rey asked.

“Let’s hear what she has to say first, Rey. Then we’ll talk.”

She nodded, turning to look for Leia’s small figure. She wondered whether Chewbacca would be with her. She missed him, and she missed being with him, because he made her feel Han’s warm presence. Deep, sudden sorrow squeezed her heart for a moment.

When the General finally arrived though, Rey let out a scream of joy, and started running towards Finn, who smiled brightly and whooped when he spotted her. They hugged tightly, laughing, happy to be together, and alive, again.

“I’m so glad to see you! How’s your back, did it heal completely? Are you alright?”

“I am fine, Rey, I am. I was out of it for a whole week, and when I woke up they told me you were gone! I’m sorry I couldn’t be with you.”

“Finn, are you kidding? You saved my life, and almost lost yours! You really don’t have to apologise. What have you been doing at the Resistance base, then? Tell me everything!”

Finn was about to answer, when Leia Organa approached them, and smiling softly she said “I’m sorry to interrupt, but you’ll have to wait to catch up. I need to speak with Luke and I’d like both of you to listen. Poe, you too.”

Rey then looked beyond Finn, and saw a man she hadn’t noticed before; the handsome pilot who had brought Finn to Jakku smiled at her, and said “Hello Rey. Long time no see.”

She answered with a big smile of her own. “Hi Poe, I’m happy to see you.”

“I didn’t know you two knew each other” Finn said, looking between them.

“We met briefly during the celebrations for Starkiller’s destruction” Rey told him.

“We bonded while you were out cold” Poe added, smirking. The he put his arms round Rey and Finn’s shoulders, directing them to Luke and Leia.

\--

A service droid had arranged some seats, so they all got comfortable and then moved their attention on Leia.

“I’ve come to tell you about a battle that took place a few days ago on Eufornis Minor. The Resistance was able to prevent an attack from the First Order. Our soldiers battled a small army of Stormtroopers, and our fleet defeated and scattered all the enemy’s TIE fighters.”

Finn and Poe nodded. They had both been there. Rey moved closer to Finn, feeling a little apprehension for her friend, although he had clearly come back from the battle unscathed.

“Hux was there,” Finn added. “It’s strange. Usually the General doesn’t take part in operations like that. Kylo Ren does. But there was no sign of him.”

While he talked, Leia’s face was stony. Rey shot a glance at Luke.

“What was the First Order doing on Eufornis Minor?” she asked.

Leia looked at her brother. “We believe their mission was to kidnap children in order to replenish their troops.”

Luke shifted. “I’m glad the information I gave you turned out to be useful.”

Rey looked at him sharply. _How..?_

“It did. But Luke…” Leia looked at him pleadingly. “Please tell me how you got it. If– if you have a man on the inside, it could be vital for the Resistance. We could have an actual chance at defeating Snoke once and for all!”

Luke threw a meaningful look at Rey before answering. “I haven’t exactly a man on the inside. It’s much more complicated than that. You see, some time ago Rey started to–”

Rey stopped listening to him as an emotion, powerful and terribly painful, struck her like a hurricane. She brought a hand to her chest, gasping, looking frantically around to find _him_ , when…

“WHAT THE HELL??” Finn’s voice roared.

Everyone turned to look at him, and then followed the direction of his index finger. Not very far from them, Kylo Ren’s dark figure stood against the pale light of the morning.

\--

Kylo appeared on the island, eager to find Rey and start a new day of training. He looked around, and as he didn’t see her or Luke, he wandered for a bit. What he saw, when he passed a small clump of rocks, left him shocked and frozen to the spot. Luke and Rey were not alone: there was a bunch of people with them, people he knew, people whose sight was not welcome at all. There was the pilot he had captured and interrogated a long time ago; there was the Stormtrooper traitor, FN-2187, talking with Rey. Their closeness sent a pang of raging jealousy in his chest. And then– Leia Organa sat in front of his uncle, talking quietly with her regal, familiar demeanour.

“No…” he whispered. The feelings that until then he had managed to keep bottled inside him exploded, and he couldn’t bear to stay a second longer. He heard FN-2187 shouting something. He knew Rey was trying to lock eyes with him but he ignored her and disappeared back to his cell, his soul screaming and howling in agony.

\--

“No… wait!” Rey called, when she saw him vanish. Finn looked at her as if she had suddenly grown a second head. Even Leia had lost her composure, and she regarded Rey and Luke with a frown.

“What’s the meaning of this? Luke?”

The Jedi sighed. “Rey, go to him. Try to... calm him down if you can.”

She nodded, and ignoring Finn’s protests, she walked towards the cliffs to find a quiet corner, while Luke’s calm voice explained Kylo’s presence to Leia and the others. Rey steeled herself: she had no idea of what she would find. She only hoped she’d be able to help, somehow.

\--

As soon as Rey appeared in the dark cell, a slight coppery smell hit her nose. Then she heard a horrible noise, like a rhythmical thumping: she turned and her eyes widened. Kylo Ren was repeatedly punching the wall with his right hand, which was now reduced to a pulp.

“Stop!” She grabbed his waist and pulled him away from the wall, directing him to the bed. He flopped down onto it, but his eyes were vacant, no sign of recognition or even pain, as if his soul had escaped his body and just left an empty shell.

“Kylo… Kylo, it’s me! Say something! Kylo!” Rey shook him, touched his face, moved his hair out of his eyes, but he couldn’t snap out of it. Then… “Ben. _Ben_ , talk to me, please,” she said.

That did the trick. He frowned, and then focused his gaze on her. “I told you not to call me Ben. I’m not Ben.”

“I’m sorry but you weren’t responding! You really scared me! Look at what you did to yourself, I–”

His eyes followed hers and he saw his bloody, broken hand. He looked almost surprised. He lifted it and examined it with interest. “It doesn’t hurt. It doesn’t hurt enough,” he murmured. He stood, walking back towards the crimson-spattered wall. He clenched his left hand into a fist, and was about to throw a punch when Rey blocked his arm with the Force.

“Release me. Now,” Kylo ordered, voice ice-cold.

“No. Why are you doing this?” Rey asked.

“I need it. Release me,” he repeated.

“I won’t let you hurt yourself. I won’t,” she told him, stubborn.

Kylo turned his head and looked at her. She swallowed. He hadn’t looked at her like that in a long time. His eyes harboured a fury so intense she almost freed his arm.

“I can’t let you do that. _I can’t_ ,” she told him, pleadingly. She felt tears prickle her eyes.

“I won’t ask again. _Let my arm go._ ”

In that moment, Rey decided to do something awful. She knew it was wrong, but she was desperate. Desperate to understand, desperate to erase that cold look Kylo was directing at her. She entered his mind. She made his resistance crumble with a powerful shove of her will and looked for answers.

She saw that his pain had risen sky-high the moment his gaze had landed on Leia. The torture of being his father’s murderer, the grief for a name that had once belonged to him, the heartbreak of never being able to hold his mother again. The suffering as a child, as a boy, the absence and solitude that had driven him away, but also the pain of having lost so many years trusting someone so unworthy. The agony of loving someone who would never lov–

“ENOUGH!” Kylo roared. He had freed himself from her hold, and he had thrown her out of his head.

Rey’s eyes were full of tears, and she was about to say something, anything, to him when she felt the ground starting to vibrate, and long, thin cracks started to appear on the floor next to her feet.

_How..?_ she thought, looking in disbelief at the collar still wound around Kylo’s neck.

A noise from above made her lift her head in surprise, and thanks to her well-honed reflexes that made her dive to the left, she avoided a piece of ceiling that crashed and shattered in the spot she had been standing in. She might be a projection, but she preferred to avoid being trampled.

She looked at Kylo and knew he had completely lost control: his face was pale and blank, his eyes were the cold and empty eyes of a stranger. Rey’s heart dropped, fearing the worst. Other cracks appeared on the ceiling above their heads, sharp debris falling down, cutting the skin of Kylo’s forehead and cheeks.

“Please… _calm down_ … Ben… you have to _control_ it,” she said faintly.

In a flash, the vibrations stopped. Kylo Ren turned, and emptied his stomach on the floor.

Rey took a step towards him. “Please…” she tried, desolate.

Coughing and trembling with rage, Kylo said “Don’t come any closer! Leave. And don’t ever come back.”

Rey’s eyes filled with tears, and though she wanted to stay and argue, she caught the finality of his tone, so she obeyed.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello and Happy Mother's Day! Super speedy update today :) Thank you immensely for kudos and comments, enjoy! Xx

Back on the island, Rey opened her eyes with a gasp.

_What have I done? He’s gone back to– What have I done??_

She wiped her tears and stood, marching straight to Luke and Leia.

“He sent me away! He lost it and then he completely rejected me!” she yelled. Rage and sadness roiled inside her, fighting to overcome one another. She looked at Luke imploringly, full of pain and anguish. “I may have… oh master, you didn’t see him, I fear– the Dark Side, I–”

“Rey, calm down. Remember, there is no emotion. There is only p–”

“HOW CAN I BE AT PEACE WHEN HE WON’T EVEN TALK TO ME?” she exploded. Then, realising that nobody except Luke could understand the reason of her distress and anger, she regained her composure and softly whispered, “I’m sorry I couldn’t help. If… well, he’s unreachable now, and I… It’s all my fault.”

Her eyes filled with tears. She glanced at Finn and Poe, and wished she hadn’t: Finn had such a betrayed expression on his face that she felt instantly guilty. She ran away then, unable to face any of them and yearning to be alone.

\--

The door suddenly burst open, and a couple of Stormtroopers followed by Captain Phasma entered the small room.

“Supreme Leader Snoke demands your presence, immediately,” she said.

Dread caught Kylo Ren’s heart at those words. He had felt the Dark Side take him over. His mind was a mess, his emotions all over the place. If Snoke entered it now he wasn’t sure he could manage to hide the bond, even after Luke’s teachings. He may be furious with Rey right now, but he knew exactly what he felt in his heart, and the last thing he wanted was to expose her to Snoke.

While Phasma and her men escorted him to Snoke’s chambers, he frantically thought of something to grasp on to, something that would be interesting enough so that Snoke would linger on it, getting sidetracked.

A serene, beautiful, familiar face popped in his mind, and a feeling of calm and determination descended upon him. He would think of Leia, and Snoke’s attention would focus on it, and he would torture and punish him for being weak, pathetic and _still a son_.

Kylo couldn’t help but chuckle. His mother, whose mere sight had just caused him to lose control and fall prey to the Dark Side again, would be his salvation against Snoke. The irony of it all wasn’t lost on him.

\--

“Hello Rey. Mind if I join you?” Leia asked, kind and motherly.

Rey had spent the night on her own, in a little cave not too far from the one she usually occupied, but far enough to make it clear that she wanted to be alone. In the morning she had resumed her physical training, to keep her mind occupied. Leia had found her just as she had stopped for a break.

She nodded at the General, and the two women sat on the bright green grass.

“I know everything now, Rey. I believe I need to thank you.”

Rey looked at her, surprised. “Thank me for what, General?”

“Luke… he told me things about my son.” She made a sad smile. “It’s funny. The day before yesterday I wouldn’t have called myself his mother. I stopped considering Kylo Ren my son after… after Han. His death destroyed me in more than one way. You see, I’ve had years to think about the reason Ben left us and turned to the Dark Side. Snoke targeted him from the day he was born, but if Han and I had been more present in his life… I know things might be different now. It’s our fault that he strayed. But the thing is, even though he did some inexcusable things over the years, I’ve always known there was still Light in him, I could feel it. When he… killed Han, I was convinced that my Ben had died too, that he was definitely lost, irretrievable. But thanks to you he’s changed.” Leia watched Rey with eyes full of emotion.

Rey shook her head. “Not thanks to me. I may have this bond with your son, but I’m not the reason he has been feeling the call to the Light. I saw what’s in his mind. He never stopped feeling torn between Light and Dark, and even though he refused to acknowledge it, he never truly stopped caring about you, his parents. _You_ have always been his pull to the Light. And in the end, what triggered his change was exactly the thing that was meant to bury him in darkness. Snoke told him that killing his father would make him all-powerful, when in reality it completely crushed him. I was able to see it, the love he bears for his father. It’s deep, and it made all of his certainties crumbled to dust. His doubts invited more and more Light in his mind. So, I really don’t deserve your gratitude.”

Leia reflected a few minutes on those words. She closed her eyes, her lips exhaling a silent thanks. Rey realised with a pang that she was probably talking to Han. Then Leia spoke again.

“You do deserve my gratitude, though. My brother said you’ve been training with Ben, that you’ve been actively working to bring him back. And Rey, you’re being successful! I don’t know whether Luke has told you this, but Ben is the one who revealed the details about the attack on Eufornis Minor. And he also said that sometimes he can see glimpses of him, of his nephew, especially when he’s with you. That means Kylo is slowly succumbing to Ben. So, thank you. _Thank you_.” After her heartfelt speech, Leia took Rey’s hand in hers and squeezed, her eyes shiny.

Rey bit her lip, and looked down. She didn’t want to crush Leia’s hopes, but she had to downsize them. She couldn’t let her believe Ben would come back completely.

“Leia, to be honest… I don’t think Kylo… I don’t think Ben can come back from the Dark Side completely. He’ll never be able to live without it, it’s part of who he is. I believed he could be brought back enough that he’d find a balance, and– and I truly believed it was working. I see Ben in him, and not mere glimpses, I _truly_ see him, I see him for the person he could be. But… you weren’t there yesterday. He looked at me like I was his enemy again. He was Kylo Ren, completely dominated by the Dark Side. The pain he was feeling… it was too much.” Rey laughed bitterly, her eyes burning. “I may even have made things worse. I made him lose control, and he almost destroyed his cell. And now he hates himself for it. He told me to leave and never come back, and I’m pretty sure he hates me as well. You really shouldn’t thank me.”

Leia didn’t answer, but she observed Rey for a few minutes in silence. The young woman was visibly hurt and upset, although she was making an almighty effort to control herself. _So many emotions, ready to explode. So very alike…_

“You know Rey, when Ben was a little boy he used to get terribly angry or terribly upset whenever he couldn’t do something on the first try, or when he made a mistake. He lashed out at me, or Han, but in the end he always came to us to apologise, because we were just… someone he could take his anger out on, when in reality he was angry at himself. I think he’s still very much angry with himself, for what he has done, and for seeing me, the reminder of that. He doesn’t hate you, Rey. He’s just being… Ben.”

“I tried to probe his mind,” Rey said with a faint voice. “I was desperate to understand and I entered his mind without permission… of course he hates me now.”

“He did the same to you, and you forgave him. He’ll do the same. And he’ll reach out to you soon: pain makes us wish for the comfort of the people we love. My son has been lonely all these years, and now he has someone who is deeply connected to his soul. If what Luke thinks is true, and seeing me yesterday triggered the pain he’s feeling, he’ll come back to you. You’ll see. Just wait for him.”

Rey nodded mutely, overwhelmed. Leia got on her feet, leaning down to press a kiss on the top of Rey’s head. “Calm down now. Find peace.”

Rey snorted. “I can’t. I’ve been trying all night, but my mind just… I feel restless, I can’t shake off the anger, the fear… I’m scared. Fear leads to the Dark Side,” Rey said, faintly.

Leia gave her a look. “Maybe Ben isn’t the only one who needs to find balance. Use your bond, Rey. You can balance each other out.” She smiled, and then she turned and walked down the slopes, towards the others.

Rey mulled over everything Leia had said. She found her last words quite unsettling. They reminded her too much of what Kylo had told her about… about her inner darkness. _I am Light. Light, and nothing else_ , she thought stubbornly. She shook her head, feeling dizzy and drained. Determined to find some peace of mind, she closed her eyes, concentrated and started meditating.

\--

“Rey. _Rey_. Rey!”

She opened her eyes, gasping lightly. The sun was already beginning to set. She shook her head and focused her attention on Finn’s worried face, hovering in front of her.

“I’m sorry I interrupted your meditation, but Leia needs to go back to the Resistance base, and we’re leaving. I wanted to say goodbye.”

“No Finn, I’m glad you came to me. I should apologise, I haven’t been a very good friend these past two days, but after what happened yesterday I– ” she looked at him, trying to gauge his reaction. She remembered his expression when she had returned from Kylo’s cell.

Finn’s expression darkened. “So, you’re training with the enemy.”

Rey bit her lower lip. This conversation was going to be so complicated. “Finn I… I know this is unexpected but–”

“Unexpected isn’t the word I’d use, Rey! How can you do whatever it is you’re doing side by side with him? He tried to kill us all, _he killed Han_! You called him a monster not too long ago! Just… just give me a good explanation, _please_.”

“Finn, at first I didn’t want to have anything to do with him. But there was this Force-bond between us, so it was unavoidable. We can enter each other’s minds, so I was _bound_ to learn about him! And, well, I learned he’s changing.”

At those words, Finn snorted, looking at her in disbelief. “How do you know he’s not acting? How can you be sure?”

“He can’t lie to me, Finn. I see his mind, I see his very soul through the bond. I’m not naïve, I know he’s still very much influenced by the Dark Side. You know I waited all my life on Jakku for someone who had left me there, so you know I’m not one to forget easily, Finn: I haven’t forgotten what he has done. But I… thanks to the bond, and the things I was allowed to see, I have chosen to forgive and start all over. I promise he’s not the same person he was months ago. He deserves a second chance.”

Finn regarded Rey, her flushed cheeks, her bright eyes, and considered the certainty and the clarity of her words. He sighed. “Alright. I can’t forget and I won’t forgive him, but I trust you. But, Rey, _be careful_ , please.”

She smiled at him and hugged him tightly, murmuring, “I miss you very much, you know?”

“I miss you too. But we’ll see each other again. Soon,” he answered.

They joined Luke, Leia and Poe at the beach, where the ship awaited. Rey hugged Finn again, smiled at Poe and Leia and then stood next to Luke, watching them disappear inside, the General first, then her best friend and the pilot, who placed his hand on the back of Finn’s neck. Rey stayed on the beach until the ship had disappeared in the darkening sky. Then she turned to Luke.

“What am I going to do with– Leia said I should give him space and wait for him to come back. But– what if he can’t? What if they torture him again and he can’t come back?”

Luke smiled. “You do exactly as I say: eat something, get some rest, and tomorrow I’m going to teach you how to follow and probe his force signature without being detected. That way you’ll be able to know what’s happening to him, but you’ll be discrete and he’ll have his space.”

Rey thanked him, relieved, and together they climbed back up to have some dinner.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello to you all! So, I'm extremely busy with work atm but I'm writing in every spare moment I have, so I'll try to update regularly anyway! Hope you like the chapter, review if you can, I love your feedback! Xx

Kylo Ren was tearing up. The bright glare of the lights reflected on the polished floor hurt his eyes. Two Stormtroopers were dragging him – _again_ – towards his cell, but this time he was awake, although he was so exhausted he couldn’t stay upright and the only direction he could aim his gaze was downwards.

It was the third day in a row that Snoke had demanded to see him to torture him personally. His probing and mind torture were lasting much longer than usual: the Supreme Leader was vicious and merciless, and even though thinking about his mother had proved to be the right strategy – Snoke exclusively focused on that, so Rey and the bond were safe – Kylo wished to die every single time. However, while his mind was being torn apart, Snoke had let some information trickle over: Kylo had been able to learn that the attack on Eufornis Minor had failed thanks to the Resistance. Hence Snoke’s wrath, and probably also Leia’s presence on the island.

Once he was left alone in his cell, Kylo’s thoughts immediately turned to Rey. He didn’t want to reach out to her – he still had to come to terms with the fact that, when she had invaded his mind, she had taken information he had intended to keep buried inside him forever. He could easily forgive the intrusion, having done the same to her, but he wished she could forget her discoveries. He cared about her, more than he should. And by now he had accepted he would suffer because she would never care about him – not that he deserved it – but he wanted to suffer in silence. He could do without her rejection.

Nevertheless, he just couldn’t help it: by now there was no reason to deny that Rey made him feel better, no matter the circumstances. And not only that: she also made him want to be better, to be someone she wouldn’t turn back from, someone she would call friend – albeit tentatively – instead of monster. She had become his refuge, his beacon of Light. He couldn’t think about her without feeling his heart come to life. He didn’t want to call to her yet, but she was his only way to cope with the painful mess that was tearing his heart and mind apart.

\--

Rey couldn’t see Kylo, but she could feel his presence, his tiredness, his lingering, ever-present pain. A dull ache invaded her chest: to feel his distress and to be forced to stay away was torture.

For days, she kept her attention to him, determined not to leave him alone even though he couldn’t perceive her.

On the third day, a weird new sensation hit her: it was as if Kylo’s mind was getting warmer and brighter. Confused, Rey probed a little deeper, managing to see Kylo’s thoughts more clearly.

And she was completely stunned.

All his thoughts were of her. She saw herself as he saw her, and her breath hitched: in his eyes she was brave, powerful, kind, breathtakingly beautiful. And strong. Stronger than anyone in the galaxy. She was his refuge, she burned bright and cast a warm, all-encompassing light that filled his suffocating darkness with gleaming shadows.

Under these comforting thoughts she perceived something darker, a latent desperation, the dull ache of rejection, resignation, guilt. A deeper look into that revealed his state of mind to her. His feelings came to her as a quick succession of images: a myriad scars, the feeling of being cut off from everyone – and if such a feeling would have been welcomed before, now it filled him with anguish, because the scars were starting to open and bleed. Black, thunderous clouds, his conviction that his pain was a fair punishment. A cracked heart, the thought of his father and mother. A bleeding wound that wouldn’t stop hurting, the thought of never seeing Rey again.

Rey slammed back in her body on the island, trembling, both excited and terrified. She felt her soul fill with rage at the thought of him locked up, away from her, hurting and having all those terrible thoughts and feelings. She wanted to let out a mighty cry of anguish, she wanted to fight, to hurt, to wipe out Snoke from the galaxy for going after little Ben and tarnishing his mind with _so much pain_.

Then, suddenly, her thoughts took a softer turn. She had seen the pain, but she had also seen Kylo looking for comfort: her. He had shown her exactly how much she meant to him, and she was terrified that she wouldn’t live up to his expectations. She wasn’t sure Kylo’s image of her corresponded to reality and that thought alone, not being what he believed she was, filled her with dread. She realised that, more than anything, she wanted to be the Rey Kylo had in his mind. She wanted him to see her, _the real her_ , and find comfort, and peace, and happiness, and she wanted him to–

Rey let out a laugh. Now she understood both Leia’s and Kylo’s words: she wasn’t all Light. She felt passionately, she experienced the strongest emotions, both negative and positive. She was no Jedi. She was in between Light and Dark, just like K–Ben had said.

She made a decision then, closed her eyes and projected herself beside him.

\--

“What are you doing here?” Kylo asked, as soon as he saw her. He was laying on his bed, the hand he had smashed against the wall curled on his chest in a weird position.

“I’m done leaving you alone. I’m not going away, even if you tell me to,” she answered.

He watched her for a full minute, seemingly deep in thought. Then, he extended his good hand towards her, and she didn’t hesitate to take it. He stroked her palm with shaking fingers, exhaling a long sigh.

“Thank you,” he said.

“For what?” Rey asked, softly.

“For being more stubborn than I am.”

Rey laughed, kneeling by the bed and bringing his hand to her lips. She pressed them against his knuckles, trying to convey her relief through the contact.

They looked at each other in silence for a while. It wasn’t uncomfortable, but they knew they were both mulling something over. At last Rey said, in a serious tone, “You have killed innocents. You have a lot to atone for. But I can see the good in you, and because of that, I’ve realised something about myself. You were right. I do have darkness inside me. We are the same, Ben.”

She had been observing his face closely during her brief speech. His eyes were wide in wonder, but they started to shift as soon as she called him with his given name.

“Listen to me. _Look at me_. I know that name is painful, that it reminds you of another life… but Kylo Ren no longer exists, and I know you can feel it. You are Ben, the Ben Solo you were meant to be. Neither Light nor Dark, but the shadow in between.”

He looked at her with eyes full of emotion, drinking her in like a thirsty man looking at a spring of fresh water.

“Alright,” he swallowed. “Alright.”

Rey smiled at him, closing her eyes briefly. She wanted to tell him so much more, but she knew she had to give him time to assimilate the impact of her words. She told him one other thing though. “Ben, I want you on the island with me. We need to get you away from here.”

He turned his head, looking at the ceiling. “I can’t leave,” he said.

Rey arched an eyebrow, confused. “Why? They’ll just go on torturing you and breaking into your mind!”

“I know. But I’m… I’m useful here. I can’t leave yet. And please, don’t insist. I know what I’m doing and Luke agrees.”

“Luke agr– please don’t tell me you two have been talking behind my back again,” she seethed.

“We have. It’s safer for you. I have it under control anyway.”

“But y–”

“Please Rey,” he interrupted her. “Like you said, I have lots to atone for. I’m doing just that. It’ll never be enough but this is what I want.”

Rey pursed her lips, suppressing a scream of frustration. At last she relented, although now she was determined to give Luke a piece of her mind. She watched Ben, noticing he was still cradling his injured hand to his chest. She took it gently. “Let’s fix this disaster properly, yeah?”

“Thank you,” he said again, hoping his words carried more than just their immediate meaning.

\--

“You’re angry with me” Luke observed. Rey had come back in her body, looking relieved beyond words. However, her relief had disappeared as soon as she had seen her master.

Rey watched him severely. “I am. Why didn’t you tell me you asked Ben to spy on the First Order? With Snoke looking into his mind constantly, have you any idea how dangerous that is?”

“Of course I do, Rey. And Ben does too. But there are risks worth taking.”

Rey snorted. “They aren’t worth _his life_.”

“I have faith in him Rey. You know how strong he is, and how capable with the Force. Snoke won’t discover him.”

“Yeah, no… I know.” Rey bit her lip, wondering when Ben would show up. “Can you promise me something, though? If… if he’s discovered or… if he reports something big, please… please can you promise me we’ll go get him?”

Luke regarded her with a mixture of wonder and pride, then he nodded. “That I can promise.”

\--

A week later, Hux was back. Ben felt his presence the moment he stepped inside the base. He got up, readying himself to reach out to his mind, but something was wrong. There was a palpable excitement surrounding the General, a cruel glee that didn’t bode well.

Ben stood, feeling Hux walking purposely towards his cell, flanked by a few Stormtroopers.

He was still wearing the Force-suppressor, so he felt dizzy and nauseous, but he was strong enough to fight with his fists if need be.

His door opened and Hux strutted inside, chin high and eyes malevolent, smirking when he saw him standing up.

“Take him,” he ordered.

The soldiers grabbed Ben by the arms and he didn’t resist. It looked like Hux had planned a normal torture session, and if he wanted information, he had to go along with whatever the General had in mind.

They brought him in the room usually reserved for him, they took off his black shirt, strapped him to a chair and left him alone with Hux. His good mood was annoying the hell out of Ben.

“Are you that happy to beat me up?” he asked, starting to probe the General’s mind. It was much easier to search if Hux was distracted.

“I’m always happy to beat you up,” he answered, pulling out a small, sharp knife from his coat pocket. He walked close to Ben, resting the side of the blade on his stomach. “But today I have another reason to celebrate. The Supreme Leader has approved my plan to obtain the planet Elbara Nine.”

“Wh– Elbara Nine? Why? It’s just an ice planet… there was a Rebellion base on it, a long time ago,” Ben frowned.

“Aren’t you smart?” Hux commented, while dragging the blade slowly along Ben’s abdomen, gradually pushing and cutting the skin open. He clenched his jaw and focused on searching Hux’s mind.

“It’s isn’t just an ice planet. It’s in the Mid Rim. It belongs to the Resistance now, but it’s inconsequential enough that they will give it to us, once we tell them what we’re willing to bargain for it.”

“And what is that?” Ben asked.

“You.”


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aaand here's the new chapter! I inserted a quote from Return of the Jedi, can you find it? ;D Anyway, I wanted to tell you that this month and the next are going to be very very busy for me, but I'll do my best to update this story, so keep reading and reviewing it, ok? I really love and appreciate your feedback! Thank you so much to you all! Xx

Ben stopped searching inside Hux’s mind. He looked at him, genuinely surprised.

“Me? What are you talking about? Snoke agreed to– to give me away to the Resistance?”

Hux sliced a thin line from Ben’s chest to his navel, smirking. “The Supreme Leader finds that you’ve become a liability. Too much… ah, _Light_ within you, apparently. We’ll meet with General Organa to make the exchange. Do you think she’ll slap you, after what you did?”

Ben gritted his teeth. “The Resistance will never hand over a planet for me.”

“Oh, but you underestimate a _mother’s love_ ,” Hux said with a hint of disgust. He stepped away from Ben, looking him in the eyes. He smirked.

“She’ll accept, you’ll see. We’ll make the exchange, and she’ll take her husband’s killer home.”

If Hux’s tone had been less smug, Ben would have probably started meditating to calm his racing heart. But the General’s arrogance made him search his mind again.

_Bloody fool. You’ll just be our bait and your precious mother will die. That’ll crush the stupid Light out of you._

 “YOU SLIMY PIECE OF WORM-RIDDEN FILTH!” Ben screamed, trying to unbuckle his fastenings. He didn’t need the Force to strangle Hux.

“Quiet. You know full well the Supreme Leader can squash you and make you crawl on the ground with a thought.”

“YOU’LL BE DEAD BEFORE I LET YOU LAY A HAND ON HER! I’LL KILL YOU, HUX!”

Hux sighed, fishing a piece of cloth out of his pocket. He got close to Ben, pushing his head violently against the headrest and gagging him with the cloth. Ben could only emit muffled screams.

“Don’t worry, we’ll make it quick. We’ll pulverise her.”

Ben looked at him with death in his gaze. Hux merely smirked. He cut Ben’s chest, drawing a line from one collarbone to the other. Then his smile widened.

“You know what? I’ve got an idea. Let’s contact her now. Let her see how her poor, beaten, murderous son is doing.”

Hux walked towards the wall opposite Ben’s chair, and he noticed for the first time the presence of a Holonet Transceiver. Hux fiddled with some controls, until he opened a neutral line of communication, demanding to speak with General Organa of the Resistance. He took a step back, positioning himself so that his body hid Ben completely.

After a while, the screen lit up and Ben heard his mother’s wary voice.

“General Hux."

"General Organa, it's nice to finally make your acquaintance," Hux said, mockingly.

"What do you want?” she asked, her tone cold.

“Oh, no pleasantries? I expected better from a former princess.”

Leia remained silent.

“Alright, I’ll get straight to the point then. We, the First Order, demand that you give us the planet Elbara Nine.”

She made an incredulous noise. “And why do you think we would agree to give it to you?”

“Well, because we would give you something in return, of course. Something I believe you’ve been looking for.” Ben could hear the hint of cruelty in Hux’s tone.

“And what is that?” Leia asked.

Hux stepped to the side, and Ben was finally able to look at his mother. When she and the officers behind her saw him, they all visibly flinched and widened their eyes.

“Ben? Are you–”

Ben trashed wildly against his bindings, but he couldn’t scream a warning, he couldn’t do anything. He felt a sharp pain on his left temple, and suddenly his world went dark. A few seconds before losing consciousness, he projected his mind outside himself, calling Rey’s name with all the strength he possessed.

\--

_Luke. Luke, can you hear me?_

Leia frowned, focusing all her thoughts towards her brother’s Force signature.

_I am here. Are you all right?_

Leia smiled. She had missed him.

_You won’t believe what I’m going to tell you. The First Order contacted me._

_I see. What did they want?_

_They want… they want a Mid Rim planet in exchange for Ben._

She waited for her brother’s reaction.

_Leia, you… what did you tell them? There’s a high chance that this is–_

_A trap. I know. But I already said yes. I want my son back, I don’t care if the First Order gets closer to the Resistance. We’ll fight back. But this is an opportunity I can’t–_

_Alright, Leia. Alright. When are y–_

_We’ll be there to get you and Rey in twenty hours._

Leia could see, as clear as if he were in front of her, Luke smiling and shaking his head.

_We’ll be waiting._

\--

“Ben, calm down! Ben stop! You’ll hurt yourself again, stop and listen to me!”

He turned towards her, stopping his wild thrashing for a moment. “THEY ARE GOING TO KILL HER! SHE HAS TO STAY AWAY!”

A few hours before, Rey had felt Ben calling her with a desperation she had never sensed from him, and she had projected herself to him without any preparation, in the middle of a sparring session with Luke, so abruptly she was sure her body would be covered in bruises for the fall.

As soon as she had reached him though, she had found him strapped to a chair, unconscious and covered in cuts, General Hux in a corner of the room talking quietly with someone on a screen. Completely focused on Ben, Rey hadn't paid the General much attention.

When it was clear to her that Ben wouldn't wake up, she had gone back to her body. And Luke had informed her that Leia would come to get them.

He had advised her not to go back to Ben, though. He was sure his nephew would take position against the exchange, fearing for Rey and his mother’s lives, and probably even risk exposing the bond if Snoke chose to torture him while his mind was worried about this whole matter. Rey had reluctantly agreed, but after a while, when she heard Ben's desperate calling, she had been unable to ignore him.

He had told her about what he had seen in General Hux’s mind, explaining that he would be used as bait to orchestrate his mother’s assassination, and she had reported it immediately to her master. When Leia confirmed that they would be going anyway, Rey had made the mistake of telling Ben. He had lost it.

She finally managed to catch his wrists in her hands, blocking him and forcing him to look at her.

“Listen to me! We’re all going to be with her. We won’t let anything happen to her, I promise you. You can’t stop her from getting you back.”

“But this is a farce! I’ve seen it in Hux’s mind, they won’t let me go, they only want my mother dead!”

“We know this. _We know_. But we’ll get you out of there, you’ll see.”

Ben leaned heavily against the wall, his head hung in defeat.

“I’m not worth the risk. I’m not worth it,” he whispered, brokenly.

“That’s not up to you to decide,” Rey told him kindly. She let go of his wrists but she didn’t lose contact, sliding her hands in his and intertwining their fingers.

“We’ll be careful and we’ll make it out of there alive. _All of us_ ,” she said confidently.

“Where is the exchange taking place?” he asked.

“In a forest in… in Naboo.”

Naboo. That name provoked a pang of longing in his chest.

“That’s too close to D’qar. Why would they choose Naboo? And a forest, with plenty of ideal places to plan an ambush. Rey, you need to–”

“We’ll keep your mother safe, Ben,” she interrupted him, smiling.

“I wasn’t– It’s not that, I– I know you will. I–” Ben sighed, unsure.

Rey took a step towards him. They were so, so close.

Ben swallowed. He didn’t want to expose his feelings more than necessary, but he had to tell her. He cleared his throat, delicately stroking the back of her hands with his thumbs.

“Rey, please don’t put yourself in danger. Don’t– if you can’t get to me… I’ll be wearing this damned collar, I won’t be able to do anything if– I don’t want anything to happen to you.”

His words were met with silence. Ben didn’t dare look up to Rey, but after an unbearable minute he glanced at her. She was looking at him with an expression he had never seen before, as if she was noticing him for the first time. Her eyes were full of wonder, her lips parted slightly. She swept her gaze over his face, impossibly slow, tracing the arch of his eyebrows, the constellations of his freckles and moles, lingering on his eyes, his nose, his lips… Ben felt a bolt of inexplicable exhilaration rushing through him. He immediately extinguished it.

At last, she spoke. “I’ll– I’ll be careful, I promise.”

She let go of his hands, stepping away from him. “I’d better go now. I– Your mother will be on the island in a few minutes. I’ll– I’ll see you soon.”

And just like that, she was gone. Ben tried with all his might to ignore the pang of disappointment cutting through him, and the insistent voice in his head that screamed _too much, you said too much, you spooked her!_

\--

It was good to be back on the Falcon. Rey would have liked to fly it with Chewbacca, but she knew she was too worried and distracted. Poe was one hell of a co-pilot anyway.

They were flying towards Naboo, and they had scheduled their arrival a few hours before the exchange, to be able to scout their surroundings and to be ready for any surprises the enemy could have devised.

Rey had shielded her mind from Ben’s. She had done it the moment she had come back to her body, after managing to calm him down. She had told herself that it was because she didn’t want to upset him with the knowledge that his mother was with her, and they were willingly going straight into the enemy’s trap.

The ship was a little more crowded than usual: Leia and Luke were talking quietly in a corner, while Finn paced back and forth, glancing at her occasionally. She was sitting on the floor, trying to feel soothed by the vibrations and failing spectacularly. She couldn’t focus enough to meditate, her stomach had been twisted in a knot since that morning, when she had boarded the Falcon.

Finn stopped abruptly and walked towards her, sitting down as well. He took one of her hands in his.

“I don’t need a Force-bond with you to know that you’re almost panicking. Calm down.”

Rey looked at him, trying to subjugate her roiling thoughts. “I can’t. I just know something’s going to go horribly wrong. I can feel it.”

Finn sighed. “Rey, I don’t need to remind you that you are Force-bonded with a guy who’s not exactly stable. You need to be strong, and you need to calm down, otherwise he’s going to lose it over your fear and then everything will definitely go wrong.”

Rey paused. He was right. Ben had already lost control once, she couldn’t risk making that happen again.

“Ok… ok Finn, you’re right. I can do this. I can do this,” she exhaled. She took a deep breath, trying to banish negative thoughts.

“Good girl,” Finn said, smiling and kissing her temple. He stayed seated next to her, occasionally taking her hand in a comforting squeeze.

“We’ll be there in about two hours,” Poe called from the cockpit.

Finn waited a beat, then, seeing that Luke and Leia were still deep in conversation, he said “Thank you, Poe,” with a little dopey smile on his face.

The pilot turned and flashed him a big grin. Rey watched the exchange with a smirk of her own. She caught Finn’s attention by tapping her finger on his temple.

“So,” she began.

“So what?” Finn answered.

“You and Poe.”

“Um… What about us?”

“Ha! So there’s an _us_ , then.”

Finn looked down, bashful. “Well, I don’t– I mean, there’s a– _maybe_?” He looked at her, a hopeful expression that warmed Rey’s heart. She reached out and hugged him.

“I’m glad.”

“We’ll see what happens.” He looked at her closely. “It seems you’re more serene now. I’m glad gossiping about my love life has that effect on you.”

Rey laughed heartily, and then, feeling calmer and more confident, she lifted the shield from her bond, immediately perceiving Ben’s frustration.

_Ben? I’m... sorry I shut you out. I’m here now. What’s happening?_

_Where are you Rey? I’m– We're headed towards Naboo._

_Hang in there, Ben. We’re coming for you._


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! I'm really nervous about this chapter because *drumroll* there's a bit of smut in it!! It's my very first time writing smut, so I really hope it's not garbage. If you're not too shy I'd love some feedback on that! Enjoy, and thank you so much for all your kudos and comments! Xx

Naboo was a wonderful, lush, green and blue world. Rey was enchanted. She let a small sigh escape her lips, wishing she were here in different circumstances, to explore and enjoy the beauty of it all.

Instead she mirrored her companions, scouting the forest and the clearing where the exchange would take place in a couple of hours.

She had silenced her link with Ben upon his request: he wanted to focus on Hux’s mind, to try to gauge information from him while he still could.

When she reunited with the others, once they had ascertained that the First Order hadn’t placed traps or snipers anywhere around the clearing, Chewie, Luke and Finn walked reluctantly back to the Falcon. The arrangement Leia and Hux had agreed on entailed the presence of no more than three people on each side (weapons were allowed, but Hux had assured Leia they wouldn’t be needed. Rey wondered if Hux truly believed his words could ever pass for sincere).

Luke had to stay hidden, Chewie had to make sure that the ship was ready to take off in a hurry and Finn… well, as long as Hux had Ben it was best not to risk provoking him with the former Stormtrooper’s presence, even though Finn wished he could stay and support Rey. Poe would flank her and Leia, instead.

The pilot smiled at her, squeezing her shoulder comfortingly, and his touch felt so reassuring that the knot in Rey’s stomach eased up a little. They both turned to glance at Leia, but the General’s face was a mask of calm and quiet strength.

_Rey? We are on the move. I think it’s time._

“They’re coming” Rey said. Leia and Poe nodded.

_We’re here, waiting._

_Be careful. Hux is going to start firing at you the moment I cross the clearing._

_But you’ll be in the line of fire!_

_They don’t really care, Rey._

_Well, I do. Be ready._

_For what?_

_Be ready to fight._

\--

Hux walked towards them with a confident, arrogant stride, his long black coat billowing rhythmically with his steps. He kept his eyes fixed on General Organa, Rey noticed, open challenge etched on his face.

She looked anxiously beyond the ginger man, trying to spot Ben. There he was, flanked by two Stormtroopers, his hands bound, the Force-suppressing collar on his neck. He was looking at Hux’s nape, apparently in deep concentration. His frown worried Rey a bit.

Hux stopped a few feet from them.

“General Organa,” he greeted.

“Give me my son,” she replied, steel in her voice.

“Not so fast. I need to check in with my Captain. I have to make sure Elbara Nine’s occupation went smoothly. I’d be a fool not to, don’t you think?”

Leia glared at him, her mouth a thin line of distaste. “Be quick about it.”

Hux got a small holoprojector out of his coat, switched it on and pressed a few keys. After a minute the image of a soldier in a chromium armour appeared.

“Captain Phasma. I take it the appropriation of the planet was successful?”

“Yes sir. The old Resistance base was deserted and it’s ours now.”

“Good. Keep me posted.”

Phasma nodded and Hux cut off the communication. Then he turned to Leia.

“ _Now_ you can have your precious son.” He signalled the two troopers, who roughly pushed Ben forward. He started walking slowly, his face whiter than snow.

_I’ll tell you the moment before Hux gives the signal._

_We’re ready, don’t worry about your mother._

_I worry about you too._

Hux watched Ben walk with a shadow of hatred in his pale eyes. A muscle in his cheek twitched.

_Now Rey, now!_

“Now!” Rey yelled.

Right then, many things happened at the same time.

Hux made a not too subtle signal with his hand, and the two Stormtroopers pulled their blaster rifles out and started firing straight at Leia. Their blasts didn’t hit her though: they stopped in mid-air a few inches from her, as if an invisible barrier was shielding her whole body.

Hux screamed in rage at that and threw himself forward, a knife clutched in his fist. Before Ben could react, Poe blocked him and started to fight him, hitting his wrist to make him drop the knife, and barrelling down on him with a series of well-aimed punches.

Rey had closed her eyes and she was frantically focusing her skill on wrenching open Ben’s restraints with the Force. She succeeded in a few seconds, and with his hands free, Ben opened his mind completely to her.

_Take over and guide me._

Rey took control of Ben and guided his body against the soldiers closer to him. She made him raise his arm, and through him, she hit them with a powerful Force blast that sent them flying.

Hux paused his fight with Poe, looking wide-eyed at Ben: “How…?” But his distraction allowed Poe to knock him down, pressing a knee on his chest and a forearm against his throat.

Rey smirked, but her smugness was short-lived: the ground behind Hux started shaking and rippling, revealing a big metal hatch, which opened and spewed out a flood of heavily armed troopers.

“Rey!” Leia called, urgency in her voice.

_We missed that hidden hatch! How?_

Rey readied herself. She made the Force flow into Ben's arms and hands. She aligned her mind with his, just like she had done a thousand times on the island, and took over once again.

“Ben!” she yelled, throwing him her lightsaber. He caught it and activated it, turning around smoothly and stalking towards the soldiers who had started firing.

Rey made Ben block their blasts with the lightsaber, then pushed him against them, guiding him into a rhythmic movement of _attack - parry - force-wave - attack - parry – slash_.

In a matter of seconds, all the Stormtroopers lay on the ground, unmoving.

Poe was still hovering over Hux, who was barely conscious and breathing heavily.

“Let's go, quickly,” Leia ordered, and the small group started rushing towards the Millennium Falcon.

They had barely made ten steps when Ben stopped, stiffening. They all halted, looking confused. Rey glanced at him, inquisitively, and then witnessed what happened next as if in slow motion: Ben turned towards Hux, who had crawled to a trooper and had taken his weapon. He fired in their direction and Ben sprang into action, reaching Poe and pushing him out of harm's way. The blast grazed the pilot’s shoulder and hit Ben fully in the chest.

They both went down, while Rey hit Hux so hard with a Force-wave that the General's body was thrown in the air like a rag doll.

Then she and Leia ran towards the two men, while Luke, who had helped them protect Leia from the edge of the forest, joined them at once.

Poe was already bent over Ben's unconscious body, checking for a pulse. His left shoulder was burnt and bloody but he didn't seem to care.

“He’s alive! Barely, but he’s alive!” he reassured the others.

Rey looked frantically at Luke, her face pale and her eyes huge and frightened.

“Let’s get him to the Falcon. The medical droid will take care of him,” Leia ordered, her voice betraying her concern.

Luke lifted his nephew’s body with the Force, and they all hurried towards the ship.

\--

“Stay still.”

“Ouch! It hurts!”

“Poe, come on! Let the droid do its job!”

“I can wait for a living doctor! This droid isn’t particularly gentle.”

“I was built to repair the human body, sir, not to be gentle with it.”

“See? What did I tell you, Finn?”

“Come on you big baby! Behave like a proper Resistance pilot!”

“ _Ouch_! That’s it, I’m gon– mmpf!”

Ben had woken up to the sounds of a quiet but animated conversation. He was lying on a narrow cot, the soft vibrations under him revealing he was on board of a ship. A thrum of energy was sizzling through his veins, and he realised he was no longer wearing the Force-suppressing collar. He sighed in relief.

Then he opened his eyes and turned his head, wondering why the voices had stopped. He gulped, and a smirk stretched on his face. FN-2187 – no, _Finn_ , his name was Finn now – had grabbed the pilot’s face and had kissed him to shut him up.

Ben cleared his voice discreetly, and the two separated, cheeks flushed and eyes bright.

“You’re awake! How are you feeling, man?” the pilot asked.

Ben coughed, and immediately regretted it. His chest hurt like hell.

“Like I was run over by a rabid bantha,” he answered, grimacing.

“You saved my life, you know. Thank you.”

“It was nothing.”

“Why did you do it?” Finn blurted.

Ben looked at him. The old pang of jealousy he had felt some time ago, when he had seen him with Rey, reared its ugly head inside his chest, but he quickly suppressed it.

“It was… the right thing to do.”

Finn gave him a long look, then nodded. “Thank you.”

Ben tried to lift himself up, although Poe appeared by his side in a flash, pushing him down delicately.

“You need to rest. The droid here,” he rolled his eyes, gesturing at the silent medical droid behind him, “recommended you lie down for a few hours.”

“Can I– where’s–” Ben started.

“Rey? Finn can fetch her. She’s helping Chewie in the cockpit.”

Finn nodded and exited the small infirmary, looking for Rey.

“You know, your mother will want to see you as well,” Poe started, tentatively.

Ben sighed. “I know.” His stomach twisted, and he had to focus on the Falcon’s vibrations to calm his nerves and avoid throwing up.

\--

As soon as Rey entered the infirmary, Ben felt the familiar ocean scent pervading his senses. He smiled at her, but her face was unreadable. She looked… closed off, impenetrable.

“Rey…?” he called, uncertain.

She took a step closer to him, then another, and another, until she was towering over him. Her hands were clenched into fists.

“You… stupid… irresponsible… _noble_ IDIOT!”

Behind her, Finn and Poe flinched.

“Rey, come on!” said Poe.

“He can take an insult. He deserves it,” she countered, grumbling at them.

“Yeah, no worries. Ouch,” Ben said.

Rey whirled around and glared at him.

“You could have been killed! What were you thinking? You could have asked me to block the blast with the Force! You absolute… reckless…” Rey’s voice cracked, and she sat heavily down on the edge of Ben’s cot, taking one of his hands in hers.

“I was so scared I had lost you,” she said in a small voice.

“I have endured much worse. You don’t have to worry about me,” he answered softly, watching her with a gentle smile on his lips.

Finn and Poe glanced at each other and quietly left the room. Rey barely acknowledged it. She sighed, relieved beyond measure that Ben was relatively unharmed.

_Please don’t do anything that reckless again. You didn’t even have the Force to back you up. Promise me._

_All right. But only if your life is not on the line._

_No! You have to promise that no matter what…_

_Rey, listen to me. You’ll always come first for me, I– I won’t make you a promise I already know I can’t keep._

Ben watched the stubbornness leave Rey’s face. Relieved, he reached out and stroked her cheek. She froze, watching him with wide eyes, her rosy lips slightly parted.

“Ben…” she whispered, leaning towards him, turning her face into his hand.

Rey’s breath accelerated, and with her heart beating wildly, she opened her mouth and took Ben’s finger between her teeth, laving it with her tongue and sucking gently.

Ben’s brain short-circuited. He panted, feeling a violent shock of arousal invading his whole body, imagining Rey’s lips wrapped around him, her eyes planted on him, her cheeks impossibly flushed, her moans loud and wanton.

Rey let his finger go, and Ben’s vision disappeared. Reality was far better though: he growled, seeing her swollen, shiny lips, and surged forward, crushing his mouth on hers. She instantly responded, opening up for him and playfully caressing his tongue with hers, twining her hands in Ben’s dark locks while an intense, delicious sensation clenched her stomach and weakened her legs.

Ben’s arms wrapped around her, bringing her closer to him. Rey broke the kiss, and while Ben attacked her neck, leaving a trail of hot kisses and playful bites, she climbed on his cot, on him, settling in his lap, desperate for some friction, desperate to relieve the building pressure between her legs. Ben kissed her again, and let one of his hands slide along Rey’s side and stomach, caressing her and touching her and driving her wild.

“Rey, can I– please, let me–” he whispered frantically.

“Yes. Yes, please, Ben, _please_ ,” Rey whined.

Ben groaned, his hand searching blindly for the waistband of her trousers. When he finally touched Rey’s skin, she sighed, closing her eyes and savouring the sensation of Ben’s large, warm hand on her.

Watching her in fascination, he moved his hand between her legs, touching her wetness through her underwear. Ben’s hips bucked instinctively against Rey’s thigh, and she groaned when she felt him, long and rock-hard. But this wasn’t about him. Ben wanted to make _her_ feel good, so he moved her panties aside and brushed her soaked core lightly, stroking her folds and listening to her desperate moans.

“More Ben, please, I can’t– I need to–”

Ben understood. Rey wanted it all at once, so he indulged her. He pressed his large hand against her, sliding a finger inside, and with his other hand he cupped her chin, gently forcing her to look at him. Rey’s eyes were glazed, almost feverish.

He smirked and ordered, “Ride my hand and come for me.”

“Oh f– _yes_.”

Rey held on tightly to his neck and obeyed, bucking her hips rhythmically against his hand, moaning and feeling the pleasure build slowly but surely inside her, while Ben thrust his finger in and out, in and out, encouraging her, whispering in her ear, telling her how beautiful and hot and perfect she was. Rey’s whines filled the small room, and her movements became erratic, Ben’s finger going deeper and faster inside her, his voice pleading her, begging her to come for him until Rey’s pleasure exploded and she let out a small scream, promptly swallowed by Ben’s urgent lips.

While she came down from her high, Ben’s hands were suddenly everywhere, smoothing her hair, stroking her back, caressing her arms.

“Ben… Ben, I…” Rey couldn’t find the words. Instead, she took his face in her hands and kissed him deeply. Ben answered, his heart full to the brim with something… sweet but also extremely sad. He couldn’t figure out why.

He felt Rey’s hand travel down his body, slowly, but before she could reach his stiffened length, he blocked her.

“Wait, Rey. Don’t.”

She looked at him curiously. “Why?” she asked.

He shrugged. “I only wanted to take care of you. You don’t have to…”

“But I want to!” she exclaimed. “Why shouldn’t–”

Right then, a knock on the door startled them.

“Yes?” Rey called.

“Um, it’s– it’s Finn. The General would like to speak to um, Ben. She’ll be here in a few minutes.”

“Thank you, Finn.”

Rey watched Ben, slightly puzzled. Then she smiled softly and climbed off him. "I'll see you later." She squeezed his hand and walked to the door.

Before she could go, Ben called her. “Was it– did you…?”

“Yes. It was.” Then, with another smile, she left.


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello guys, here's chapter 12! I'm afraid there's not much going on here in terms of action, but I needed it to introduce the next big scene! As always, thank you so much for kudos and comments, please let me know what you think about this one! Xx

Ben sighed, leaning back down on the infirmary bed. The reunion with his mother had left him drained.

At first he hadn’t had the courage to look at her. What he had done… he knew precisely how his mother felt. His parents might have been absent for large chunks of his childhood, might have fought all the time, but he had observed them, and he was aware of how much love there had been between them.

Leia had aged gracefully. Ben felt like a child again when she spoke to him with her calm, soft voice.

“Look at me, Ben.”

When he raised his eyes and met his mother’s he gulped. There wasn’t anger in them, just a deep sadness. He thought he would have preferred the anger.

“I won’t scream at you for what you did. I won’t curse you for abandoning us, for turning your back to the Light and for… for your father. I know why you did it all. I know you regret it and I know you’ve been changing. I’m working on… forgiveness.”

Ben flinched. He didn’t deserve forgiveness. He opened his mouth to tell his mother so, but she continued.

“I just can’t explain to myself how… _how_ could you ever think that what you did would make you stronger.” She paused, frowning and shaking her head. “But honestly, we’re in the middle of a war, and I just _don’t have time_ to think about all this. I’m not even sure I want to. I’m going to treat you as an ally, because I - _we_ \- need you. When all this is over, then… then we’ll talk.”

Leia pinned him with her dark eyes, and Ben had to make an effort not to squirm. Her words had opened a chasm inside his chest, a sharp pain spreading through his stomach.

He couldn’t utter a word. He had expected a lot less kindness, and the strength that her mother had just displayed… Ben wished she could afford to break down and cry. He wished she didn’t have to keep up a brave and confident façade all the time; he wished he could wrap her in his arms and support her. Knowing that she couldn't get a break because of him... it killed him. In that moment he felt, with a force he had never experienced, how much pain he had inflicted to her, how much damage he had caused.

“Y– you don’t need to be civil with me. You don’t need to deal with me at all. Let– let Luke do that so you can… be spared to look at me,” Ben murmured.

“And what would that accomplish? I’ve been looking for you for years. The last thing I said to your father was to bring you home. And he did. I’m not going to let his sacrifice go to waste,” she replied, ferociously.

Ben gulped, stunned. His father _had_ brought him home. His eyes suddenly filled with tears.

“I’ll leave you to your thoughts now,” his mother said, her voice kind once again.

“Wait! I have… I have information I gathered from Hux when I was captive.”

“I’m listening,” Leia said, leaning towards him, eyes focused and sharp.

“He asked you for Elbara Nine for a reason. The First Order doesn’t know exactly where the Resistance base is, but they know it’s close to the Core, and they know there are many planets that support it. After the destruction of Starkiller the losses were huge, and they had no time, patience or resources to rebuild a weapon that lethal. But they had been already developing something similar: a smaller weapon, intended to cause damage on a reduced scale, but just as deadly. They’re going to bring it on Elbara. They’re going to target Mid Rim, Inner Rim and Core planets randomly until the Resistance Base is destroyed.”

Leia massaged her forehead, as if to alleviate a strong headache.

“How soon are they bringing the weapon on Elbara?”

“They need to complete it first, but it won’t take more than a month at this point.”

“Very well. Thank you for this.” Leia stood, a crease of worry marring her features.

“M– mother? Or, or maybe... should I– perhaps you prefer General?” Ben asked, uncertain.

Leia watched him, a look on her face he couldn’t decipher. “I _am_ your mother Ben, you may call me that.”

He nodded. “What are you going to do about– ?”

“About the weapon? I’m going to speak to Luke and then to the Resistance Council. About you? You’ll have to go on trial. As soon as we land, you’ll be treated as a war prisoner. We know you’ve been helping us though, so I can assure you that the people on this ship will do everything they can to help you.”

“It’s more than I deserve. I am humbled,” Ben said softly, looking at his hands.

“Good.”

\--

Shortly after Leia’s visit, Rey, Finn and Poe came back in the infirmary to tell him they would land shortly. The medic droid fussed a little around him, making sure that his bandages were firmly in place, then gave him permission to rise.

In the main corridor, while they waited for Chewie to join them and lower the boarding ramp, Luke approached Ben with a pair of binders.

“Are those necessary?” Rey asked, frowning.

“It’s alright, Rey,” Ben said, quietly.

“Ben’s going to be treated as a war prisoner, Rey, at least until his trial before the Council,” Luke told her.

_Rey, it’s all right, really. Don’t worry about me._

_How can you ask me that? I’m… I’m always going to worry._

Ben watched Rey’s cheeks slowly colouring. His heartbeat accelerated slightly.

Finally, Chewie lowered the ramp, and the Millennium Falcon was suddenly flooded with warm, sunset light. Ben squinted, walking down alongside his uncle.

The landing area in D’qar was packed with people: pilots, technicians, nurses, officials, it looked like the whole base had gathered there to look at him. A lot of the whispers were actually directed at Luke, whose return was as unexpected as it was sensational; but Ben could clearly glimpse flashes of hatred reserved to him in pretty much everyone’s eyes. _No surprise there_ , he thought, keeping his expression stoic.

Leia gave him a last glance, and then she was swallowed by Resistance officials, all talking at the same time, all looking from her to him. Ben hoped his presence and their family relation wouldn’t undermine her authority in front of the Council members.

Finn and Poe walked past him, heading towards the med bay, nodding their silent goodbyes. Rey and Chewie followed him and Luke through the crowd.

Luckily, Ben’s stroll among the sea of hostile people didn’t last long. Luke and Chewie led him into a nearby hangar that had been converted into a prison. Rey preceded them, opening door after door, until they arrived to an isolated cell. It wasn’t uncomfortable-looking: there was a cot, a chair and even a small ‘fresher in the corner.

Ben stepped inside and Luke closed the barred door behind him.

“I imagine the Council will want to interrogate you as soon as possible. Try to rest. Rey will stay with you until the guards arrive. I’ll tell them to bring some food and water. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“Thank you. And thank you, Chewbacca,” Ben said.

The Wookie growled, shook his head, and then he followed Luke out.

Ben sighed, stooping and leaning his head between two bars. Rey walked close to him, resting her forehead against his.

“You’ll be out of here soon. When they realise–”

“Rey,” Ben interrupted her. “Let’s– let’s think about that tomorrow. I just– let me just spend these few minutes with you, alright?”

Rey nodded, looking at him with a small smile.

Ben closed his eyes. He knew the Resistance wouldn't be willing to let him roam free. He was a criminal, a few weeks of spying and enduring torture wasn’t going to erase the past. But right now he had neither the strength nor the desire to explain it to Rey. He just wanted to feel her breath against his lips, to smell the sweet scent of her skin.

They heard a door opening and then closing from afar. Ben felt Rey shift, and a second later her cool hands cupped his face, caressing his cheekbones with the pad of her thumbs.

“I’ll see you tomorrow,” she smiled.

Ben could only nod, swallowing. Then Rey closed her eyes and kissed him, softly, tenderly. He was too shocked to respond, and when he finally found his bearings, Rey had already jumped away from him, while two Resistance guards appeared, carrying a tray and a sour expression.

“The General wants to see you,” they told Rey.

She nodded, and with a last glance at Ben, she took off.

\--

Leia sighed, mulling over the Council meeting. She had gone back to her quarters, waiting for her brother and the others, anxiously pacing back and forth. Han would have told her _Calm yourself down, woman! Digging a damn trench won’t solve anything, will it?_ Then he would have sighed and wrapped her up in a hug. She missed him so much it hurt.

“They want your son dead, how am I supposed to calm down?” she said aloud. _How am I supposed to tell Rey, Han?_

Someone knocked on her door. She went to open it, and Luke walked inside.

“What did they say?” he asked immediately.

Leia shook her head. Luke took her in his arms, stroking her back and murmuring “I’m sorry. But don’t lose hope. Many things can still change.”

“They’re willing to process him, but the outcome is pretty much decided. They want him dead and I can’t do anything about it!”

“They can’t kill him, not without harming Rey too. They share a bond, remember? Once we explain it to them, they’ll have to change their sentence. You’ll see.”

Leia looked at her brother and smiled. She hadn’t thought about the bond with Rey! Ben was safe. _He is not going to die_.

Sighing in relief, Leia went to open her door after hearing a soft knock. Rey, Finn and Poe entered, moving their gaze curiously from Luke to her. Rey cocked her head and asked, “What’s going on?”

“We all need to prepare for Ben’s trial tomorrow. The Council is dead set on killing him, but–”

Rey paled, raising her hands in alarm and immediately interrupting Luke. “Wait. Wait. They can’t. I can’t… Ben cannot die. I’ll– I’ll die too,” she stammered, tears shining in her eyes.

“We know. We’ll have to explain the bond between you two. As soon as the Council members realise they can’t kill Ben without killing you as well, they’ll change their mind.”

“…oh. Right.”

Rey blushed a deep red. In her panic, she hadn’t thought for a second about the bond. She hadn’t thought she would die alongside Ben because their bond would be severed. She had thought she would die if Ben died… period.

Poe gave her a curious look.

Shaking her head, deciding to examine that later, she asked, “What do we need to do?”

Leia intervened. “Ben’s trial is tomorrow morning. The Council will list Ben’s crimes, and since they greatly surpass the amount of good deeds he has done so far, we need to prepare his defence. I won’t be able to say much, being the General and his mother on top of it all, but you, Finn, Poe and Luke can all report about Ben’s change, the spy work and the fight on Naboo. And you, Rey, you need to be able to describe the depth of your bond. The Council needs to be absolutely, a hundred per cent convinced that they’ll kill you too if they put Ben to death.”

Rey agreed, serious and determined. “Prepare me, then.”

Luke nodded. “Let’s begin.”

\--

Back in his cell, Ben was re-living the kiss Rey had given him. It had been the most wonderful and exhilarating experience of his life, and at the same time, the worst.

He had no intention of deluding himself into thinking that Rey could reciprocate his feelings. And yet… that kiss had been so lacking in passion and lust, and so full of… something else.

Ben shook his head, frowning. Even if by some miracle Rey _did_ reciprocate him, he could never condemn her to a life of contempt, danger and solitude. More likely, he couldn’t lead her on with the mirage of a life with him, when he knew he would almost certainly die in the war, or at the hands of one of the two sides, Resistance or First Order, whoever hated him the most.

It was a decision that made his heart ache as if a blade had carved it out of his chest, but he knew it was the right one. _No more_.


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi guys, here's a new chapter, finally! I apologise for the delay, but real life is super busy at the moment! I write every chance I get, but sadly I don't have much time :( Anyway, I hope you'll like this one, please, let me know what you think! A huge thanks and lots of hugs to you all :D

Rey wondered how the hell Ben managed to stay this calm. His face and posture betrayed absolutely nothing. And it wasn’t only his appearance: he really was serene, she could feel the quiet and the peace that reigned in his mind. There was just one little source of unease, something small and dark like a stain that wouldn't leave; Rey hadn't tried to figure it out yet, too absorbed in her own fear and tension. She was on edge, looking nervously at all the hostile faces in the small hangar-turned-courthouse.

_I can feel you, Rey. It’s distracting. Calm down._

_How can I? Looks like all the members of the Resistance are here to watch, it’s crazy!_

_I only have to speak to a small group of people. The rest is just background noise. Shut it out._

_It’s not that easy._

_Rey, I need you to focus.  
_

Ben turned his face slightly to look at her. As member of his defence, Rey was allowed to sit with the others on a bench placed beside the chair Ben was cuffed to. They were at the centre of a small arena, surrounded by metal stands where a huge crowd was sitting, waiting for the Council members to appear. For now though, the seven seats on the wooden dais in front of Ben’s chair remained unoccupied.

Rey gulped, looking down at the floor.

_Of course. I’m sorry, I’ll get a grip._

_Good.  
_

_Ben are you ok? You seem a little off..._

_I'm fine._

Even in her head, Rey could perceive the finality of his tone. She frowned, taking a deep breath and attuning her mind to Ben’s, trying to absorb his inner calm. She could feel Luke’s eyes on her, but she knew her Master was aware of her turmoil and would allow her a few minutes to compose herself.

An insistent, loud murmuring reached her ears after a while, and when she looked around she saw the six Councillors walking towards the dais and stopping in front of their seats in orderly fashion. General Organa appeared then, and all the people in the hangar stood up. She reached the central high chair and sat down, promptly followed by the Council and everybody else.

“Good morning, ladies and gentlemen and honourable members of the Council. We are gathered here to discuss, evaluate and judge the actions perpetrated by Kylo Ren of the First Order, member of the Knights of Ren and apprentice of leader Snoke, formerly known as prince Ben Organa Solo, member of the Jedi Academy and apprentice of Master Jedi Luke Skywalker. Councillor Damaris, please read the charges against the defendant.”

The man seated to Leia’s right stood up, produced a holobook and looked around with sharp eyes. When he focused on Ben the corners of his lips turned down in disgust. Then he moved his attention to the holobook, and began.

“The defendant is accused of injustifiable acts of war against the harmless populations of Ruusan, Phaeda, New Holstice, Jakku and Takodana; of the destruction of the Jedi Order and the murders of the Jedi apprentices; of the murders of Venussia Anjek, Jaxon-Dax Kovani, Ric-Xana Beelen and Lor San Tekka; of the abduction and torture of Poe Dameron and Rey; of the destruction of the Hosnian System; of the murder of Han Solo.”

Every accusation was a stab in Rey’s heart. She knew Ben regretted every one of them. She knew he had changed and had begun to atone for his sins. And yet, she had never stopped to consider just how many unspeakable crimes Ben had committed in his life.

She suddenly felt a wave of shame, pain and regret; she turned towards Ben and noticed his pale face, the tension of his body, his white knuckles.

_Ben, I…_

_You’re right to feel ashamed. You should stay away from me._

_What? Ben, no, I–_

Something hard as steel slammed against Rey’s conscience, making her double over gasping.

“Rey? What’s happening, are you all right?” Finn whispered frantically. Rey looked blindly for his hand and he took it, squeezing gently.

_He shut me out. Oh my god, he shut me out!_

“I’m fine, just… just felt dizzy for a moment.”

“You sure?” Finn regarded her critically. She was pale and still gasping a little.

“Yeah… yeah, don’t worry,” she answered, turning and trying to catch Ben’s eyes. Why had he closed his mind off? Did he really think she was ashamed of him? He had been tortured, he had proved his deep regret, he had proved he could redeem himself, she had helped him… surely he couldn’t think that she would start despising him and cast him aside now?!

In the meantime Councillor Damaris had set down, and an angry chatter had erupted in the hangar.

Leia rose again and the noise subsided.

“How pleads the defendant?”

Ben couldn’t move from his seat, but he lifted his chin and looked at his mother straight in the eye. Rey could feel everyone holding their breath.

“Guilty.”

Chaos erupted in the hangar. Someone from the crowd in the stands shouted ‘Kill him!’ and ‘Put him to death!’. Rey felt like throwing up.

Leia lifted her arms, and the crowd quieted once again.

“Kylo Ren is entitled to a defence. The Council will listen to what his advocates have to say before deliberating. We won’t tolerate unnecessary noise, comments or demands again. Whoever wishes to stay may do so, _in silence_.”

Nobody moved, nobody spoke, but the message had gotten through. When Luke rose and walked beside Ben’s chair, it was so quiet it was eerie.

“Members of the Council, I am here to tell you about what happened to the defendant after the destruction of Starkiller Base, as it is relevant– no, essential, to his defence.” He paused, looking at them carefully. He wanted to make sure that every single one of them was focused on him.

“Right after Kylo Ren was left injured on Starkiller after a duel with my padawan Rey, he was rescued by General Hux and brought on Snoke’s base on the planet Moraband. However, as soon as he landed he was thrown in jail and tortured daily. He endured physical torture as well as mind torture at the hands of Leader Snoke. The reason? Snoke had sensed in him a powerful call to the Light, and wanted to punish him for it.”

A low buzzing filled the room. As soon as Leia glanced around though, the crowd quietened. The councillors shifted uncomfortably in their seats. A dark-skinned, white-haired woman, barely older than Rey, spoke to Luke.

“I suppose, Master Skywalker, that this information was provided to you by the defendant himself. How can you be sure he is telling the truth?”

Luke smiled, a cold, predatory smile that made goosebumps appear on Rey’s skin. “Oh, I could delve into his mind and make him tell you all the gory details, Councillor Mackali. However, you could still doubt his words. Luckily for us, I have someone who can prove to you that what I said about Kylo Ren is the absolute truth.”

He gestured to Rey, and she stood up in front of the Council. The silence in the hangar was deafening.

 _Ben, you_ have _to let me in now._

She swallowed. He was still blocking her.

“Members of the Council,” she started. “A while ago, when I was on Ahch-To for my training, I started having what I believed at the time to be very real, very vivid nightmares. I dreamt, almost every night, about the moments of Han Solo’s death. After several days, it became clear that those nightmares were not my own: I discovered that during our duel on Starkiller, my mind and Kylo Ren’s had somehow forged a bond, a connection that allowed me to delve into his mind and vice versa. I asked Master Luke to help me sever it, or at least block it, but in the meantime every time I slept I was projected to Kylo Ren’s side. That’s how we came to know about his tortures: I saw it with my own eyes.”

The Councillors looked stunned. One of them, a young man with fire in his eyes, asked, “You said you wanted to learn how to block the connection. Why did you decide not to do that, eventually?”

Rey smiled. She was pretty sure that Councillor had already figured out where her argumentation was going.

“Because after some time, Kylo Ren projected himself on Ahch-To and asked Master Luke for help. He needed to learn how to shield the connection – a Force-bond – from Snoke’s prying. He feared Snoke would kill me. He asked for help and in exchange he gave us the information that allowed you to prevent the attack on Eufornis Minor. After a while he accepted to spy on the First Order, enduring endless torture the whole time.”

The young Councillor leaned back on his chair with a smirk. “And you believe he regrets the things he has done? Even killing–” He froze, side-eyeing Leia nervously. For a few seconds he seemed to lose his brazen confidence, but he recovered quickly. “Even killing his own father?”

Rey hesitated. “The guilt and remorse for killing Han Solo were the trigger that started his repentance. I saw– I saw his nightmares. They are all about his father.”

“Well then,” the Councillor said. “I believe you.” He smiled.

Rey flushed. That had gone better than expected.

“Thank you, Councillor Seastriker,” a voice said. Rey looked around; Admiral Ackbar had risen from his seat.

“However, I won’t believe what Master Skywalker and Rey are claiming without proof. We need to be sure that their minds are connected.”

Rey closed her eyes. They had prepared for this eventuality but…

_Please Ben. Ben! You need to let me in!_

“Of course, Councillor Ackbar. We’ll demonstrate how Rey and Kylo Ren’s minds are capable of merging and become one. That way you’ll know for sure that Rey isn’t lying.” While he spoke, Luke walked towards Ben’s chair and uncuffed him. “Rey, whenever you’re ready.”

Rey was starting to panic. Ben was still excluding her. She hugged herself to stop her body from trembling. She took a deep breath and turned to face him. He was looking at the floor, but he seemed to feel her gaze, because he lifted his head and glanced at her. She pleaded him mutely, and he nodded imperceptibly.

At once Rey felt Ben’s mind engulf her, and her relief was so strong that she felt her knees weaken. She centered herself and asked him, “Ready?” He nodded.

Rey and Ben attuned their minds, and Ben surrendered to her will just like he had on Naboo.

“Councillor Ackbar, ask me to perform a movement.”

The Councillor thought for a minute.

“Jump five times on your left foot, then get down on your knees, wave with your right hand, and stand up,” he said.

Ben groaned in Rey’s head. _Really? This is ridiculous._

Repressing a chuckle Rey obeyed, instantly copied by Ben. The synchronization between them was perfect.

“Now ask me something only I can hear.”

Admiral Ackbar walked down the dais towards Rey and whispered something to her. She turned, and without a word, Ben started heading towards Poe and Finn, shaking their hands, then he walked around their bench three times, then he went back to his chair and sat down.

Admiral Ackbar looked convinced. The others were either observing Ben, or talking animatedly to each other. Councillor Mackali rose, addressing Luke.

“Master Skywalker, I’d like to hear the testimony of Finn and Poe Dameron.”

Luke nodded, making a sign to Finn and Poe. The two men rose and walked in front of the Council. With practiced ease, they both recounted the escape from Naboo, describing Ben’s role during the fight and the escape, the moment he had pushed Poe out of harm’s way taking a blast in his chest.

Rey thought the Councillors looked bewildered. _Well, it’s better than incredulous,_ she thought in relief. _It’s done. They’ll free you Ben, you’ll see._

He didn’t answer. She looked at him: he wasn’t shutting her out of his mind, but he was very clearly ignoring her thoughts and avoiding her gaze.

_Ben? Why– Did I do something?_

No answer. She felt her eyes prickle with tears, so she abruptly turned around, just in time to see Leia stand up and address the audience.

“The Council will retire to deliberate about how to handle this situation. You are all dismissed.”

At these words the Councillors rose from their seats, ready to walk down the dais, when Luke spoke to them again.

“Members of the Council, there’s one last thing I need to tell you before you decide what to do with the prisoner. You should know that Kylo and Rey’s connection doesn’t only involve their minds: it affects their lives too. So please, think carefully: if you harm one of them, you harm the other equally.”

A heavy silence fell in the hangar. Councillor Seastriker looked amused, and Leia looked relieved, but the others… Rey felt their eyes linger on her, and an unpleasant sensation clenched her stomach painfully.


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello guys! I'm so sorry for the wait, but I fear from now on my updates will be much slower than usual. I will go on updating though, I have a lot more planned for this story ;) Enjoy the new chapter and let me know what you think in the comments! Also, beware: angsty times ahead, haha! Xx

“It's been _three_ days!” Rey exclaimed, exasperated.

“I know. Calm down,” Finn said quietly.

“I can't! _He_ won't even talk to me, and _they_ are taking too long!”

“I think it's a good thing, Rey,” Poe intervened. “It means they're divided. They're really thinking about it.”

“I can't stand this uncertainty.”

“I know. But it will be over soon. You said it yourself, it's been three days. We're at war, we can't exactly afford to waste too much time in domestic policy,” Finn smiled.

“Yeah...you're right. I should... I should probably sneak back into his hangar and try to reason with him.”

“You sure it's a good idea? You already tried it yesterday and the day before yesterday.”

“I have to make him talk to me again! We can’t… function without communicating! It’s easy for him, he’s in a cell. I can feel the effects of him shutting me out, and they’re not pleasant!”

Fuming, Rey stormed off, leaving Finn and Poe who watched her with worry.

She hadn’t been exaggerating. From the moment Ben had stopped talking to her, she had felt weird: weaker, in both mind and body. Distracted. Less sharp. She didn’t like it, at all. She hoped she would be able to change his mind. She wanted an explanation: what had she done to deserve this?

She walked blindly for a while, passing hangars and people and ignoring the stares; when she arrived to the prison, she performed a mind trick on the guards at the entrance, convincing them to forget her presence. She got in easily and headed towards Ben’s cell.

Rey found him just as she had found him before: on the floor, eyes closed, deep in meditation. This time though, she didn’t speak to him: she merely copied his position, sitting down on the floor and closing her eyes. She looked for the thread of force that connected them, but she couldn’t find it. Ben was still a million miles away from her.

She decided to attempt something, then. His absence from her mind, from her life, had felt like an open wound the past few days. She had kept busy, training with Luke, working as a mechanic and helping in any way she could. But there was still a hollow space inside of her that only Ben’s presence could fill.

Rey inhaled deeply, concentrating, and she projected herself inside the cell, right next to Ben. He remained perfectly still, so Rey had no chance to see if he had noticed her presence. She looked at his face closely, and frowned. He had dark circles under his eyes, and the relaxed stance of meditation couldn’t conceal the signs of weariness on his features. Without thinking, she reached out and moved a lock of black hair away from his forehead, letting her fingers glide down over the warm skin of his cheek in a tender caress.

For half a second nothing happened. Rey could almost imagine a small smile stretching Ben’s lips, she could almost pretend that nothing had changed, that his distance had just been a horrible nightmare. But then he opened his eyes, and his glare was so full of barely-contained rage that she gasped and slammed immediately back into her body.

“Go away.”

Rey frowned, opening her eyes. “I’m not leaving until you come back to me.”

She was watching his face very closely, and she glimpsed a shadow of longing on it. But it lasted an instant.

“I won’t.”

“Why? I know you want to! And besides… I’ve already told you that this is harming me! I barely sleep at night, I barely function during the day! It’s not healthy, I need you! And– and you need me,” she finished in a whisper.

“You don’t need me,” he answered stubbornly. “You’ll get used to it.”

“At least tell me why! Why are you doing this? What did I do?” she asked, a hint of desperation in her voice. She felt so dejected, so abandoned that she had a lump in her throat.

“It’s not what you did. It’s what _I_ did,” he answered at last, without looking at her.

“What? What do you mean? Why–”

Right then, Rey heard the door of the hangar opening, and a minute later Finn appeared, panting as if he had been running.

“The Council… they’re gathering. They’re going to deliver their verdict!”

“Finally!” Rey said, anxiety squeezing her insides.

“Ben, you need to come with us.”

Ben nodded, waiting for Finn to open the cell door, and following him in silence. Rey stayed back for a few seconds, watching Ben’s nape and trying to hold back her tears and frustration. He hadn’t even looked at her.

\--

Once Ben, his defence and the crowd settled in their seats, the members of the Council walked in, calm and impassive.

Councillor Damaris didn’t sit. He waited for complete silence, then spoke:

“Before we let you know our decision, we would like to hear from the defendant the information he gathered from the First Order. General Organa already briefed us the day you all arrived, but we want to hear it from the source.”

A low buzzing pervaded the room. Ben shifted in his seat, then cleared his throat. He nodded to Councillor Damaris, who raised his arms to silence the crowd.

“While I was a prisoner I learned from General Hux that he had received an order from Leader Snoke. He had to assemble a team that would build a weapon similar to the one used to destroy the Hosnian system.”

A few gasps erupted from the people in the stands.

“If you were a prisoner,” a young woman with violet hair and eyes asked, “how did you acquire this information?”

“I delved into Hux’s mind while he was… otherwise occupied.”

She raised an eyebrow. “Occupied doing what?”

“Torturing me, of course. He liked it, so his mind was completely focused on the beatings, and I could explore it.”

Ben’s words sounded so casual, so unconcerned. He was talking about his days of torture as if they were nothing. Rey shivered. This Ben was… completely devoid of emotion. A stranger.

The young woman, Councillor Krieg, had fallen silent. She signalled Ben to go on talking.

“They intend to bring this weapon on Elbara Nine, once it’s completed. They aim to destroy D’qar, but since they don’t know its location, they’ll fire at every Mid Rim, Inner Rim and Core planet until they find it.”

The Council members looked horrified. Councillor Seastriker intervened.

“How many stars will they drain, to do that? How many planets will die in the dark, on top of the destroyed ones?”

“They won’t need to drain stars to activate the weapon.” Ben replied. “From what I gathered, this weapon is smaller, intended to cause damage on a reduced scale. That’s why they wanted a Mid Rim planet. To be closer to the target.”

“Do you know when the weapon will be ready?” asked Admiral Ackbar.

“I saw in Hux’s mind that it would be completed within a month.”

The Council members started talking among themselves. They seemed to forget their audience. Rey looked at her Master.

“Did you know all this?”

“Yes. Leia told me.”

“What do we do?”

“We wait for the Council’s decision, then we’ll talk.”

Rey looked at Leia, at the Councillors deep in discussion.

“As long as they don’t take another three days…”

She chanced a glance at Ben, but he was looking at his feet, biting his lower lip. His hands were clenched into fists, his knuckles white. She tried to reach him with her mind, but she slammed into a wall of steel again. Something painful cut through her, a sensation she had grown familiar with by now.

Luke drew her attention. “They stopped talking.”

Councillor Damaris asked for silence, then spoke once again.

“After this, all pilots are to gather in the main hangar. We need to discuss a plan of surveillance of Elbara Nine. The moment they bring the weapon there, we need to know. And then we have to destroy it before they have the chance to use it.”

Ben raised his head.

“You won’t be able to destroy it with the X-Wings the way you did with Starkiller. This weapon is smaller, I’m certain they’ll keep it underground. They’ll bring it to the surface at the last minute, when it’s already charged and ready to fire. At that point there will be no time to fly there and blow it up.”

“Then what do you suggest?” Councillor Seastriker asked.

“Someone needs to destroy it from the inside.”

“Someone?”

Ben inhaled deeply.

“I’m volunteering, of course. I won’t come out of there alive. If you let me do it, you won’t even have to decide what to do with me. You only need to keep me alive for a month.”

“NO!” Rey screamed. Everyone turned to look at her. Everyone except for Ben.

“WHY DO YOU WANT TO LEAVE ME? YOU CAN’T DIE. YOU CAN’T DIE!”

Leia stood.

“Rey, calm down.”

Luke, who had been restraining the struggling girl, whispered “Rey, listen to her! Just listen!”

Rey stopped, her body trembling in rage and fear.

Leia’s gaze shifted on her son. “Ben, you–” She stopped, looking around at the crowd.

_Luke, I don’t want my son to die. Rey doesn’t want him to die. But I can’t say it in front of everyone._

_I know. Talk about the bond._

Leia sighed, nodding imperceptibly at her brother.

“Ben, if you die, she dies. You know that. There must be another way to destroy the weapon.”

Ben looked at her, his face a mask of gravitas.

“There isn’t, mother. And Rey won’t die. I found a way to sever our connection.”

Rey fell heavily down on the bench. Her head was buzzing. She put it in her hands, trying to quell the tremors that pervaded her body. She felt Finn’s warm hand stroking her back comfortingly, but all she could think about was one word. _Why?_

Councillor Krieg rose and spoke to Ben.

“I want to know one thing: how can we be sure that, once inside the enemy’s base, you won’t betray us and rejoin their ranks?”

“I can answer to that question.” One of the Councillors, the only one who hadn’t publicly spoken yet, rose from her seat. Her almond-shaped, black and red eyes looked like burning embers.

“There’s something you don’t know yet. As Head of Communications, I received this a few minutes ago.”

The Councillor took a Holobook out of her coat and switched it on. She passed it to Councillor Krieg, who read it aloud: “ _The First Order will pay 10 million credits to anyone who kills Kylo Ren._ ”

A low murmur rose from the crowd.

“Thank you, Councillor Qobin,” Leia said, looking daggers at everyone.

“Regardless of the bounty on my head, I would never willingly go back to the First Order. You have no reason to believe me, I know, but it’s the truth,” Ben stated.

“Well,” Councillor Damaris intervened. “As we have established that, despite your crimes, you are trying to atone and you are an asset, we agree that it would be more useful if you were an active member of the Resistance, for the time being.”

Rey lifted her head. Ben was free. _I knew it!_

“However,” the Councillor continued. “However, we require that you wear this at all times.”

While Damaris was speaking, Councillor Qobin produced a small bundle, and when she revealed what was inside it Ben paled visibly, and Rey almost fainted.

“No…no no no NO YOU CAN’T! YOU CAN’T, THAT’S INHUMAN, DON’T DO THIS!” she screamed, desperate. Moving too quickly for Finn or Luke to block her, she strode towards Ben, placing herself between him and the Councillors.

“You can’t make him wear it! The First Order placed a Force-suppressing collar on him and he was sick, and weak, and not himself! You take the connection to the Force from him, you take away his very essence! That’s inhuman, you don’t treat people like this!” she yelled. She was furious.

“Rey, step aside. I’ll wear that cuff,” Ben told her.

Rey turned, glaring at him. “You _can’t_!” she hissed.

“Don’t tell me what I can or cannot do! Step aside, _now_!” he hissed back, scowling. If the situation had been less serious, Rey would have smiled at their bickering. But she only felt rejected and hollow once again.

She walked behind Ben’s seat in silence, watching while he stepped forward and extended his left arm towards Councillor Qobin, who had been waiting on the edge of the dais.

The moment she clasped the metal cuff to Ben’s wrist, he went down on his knees, and Rey only had time to think _The Force! It’s gone!_ before her vision went dark.


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! I'm finally back!! I missed all of you, I missed my story and the characters, but I'm here now and although I'm still super busy I'll try to update more regularly. I hope you're all still interested in my story, I know I can't wait to show you what I have in mind! :) Enjoy the chapter, and please leave me a comment, I love reading what you think of the story! Xx

Ben felt completely detached from the reality around him. His ears were buzzing, his body felt unresponsive. He knew he was lying on the ground; he turned his head slowly and observed his left wrist, the metal cuff around it gleaming. It was much more powerful than the collar the First Order had made him wear. He couldn’t feel the Force anymore. He almost threw up at the realization.

Then his instinct told him to turn around, and after a few painful tries, he managed to lift himself on his elbows. Blinking and trying to adjust his fuzzy vision, he saw Rey on the ground, unconscious. Finn and Luke were hovering over her, shaking her shoulders to try and revive her. Ben’s heart sank. He tried to move his body to get to her, but he couldn’t. He lost his balance and toppled over. He growled in frustration, desperate to get to Rey.

“Hey, let me help you.” Poe had rushed to his side, and with a little help from Luke, he lifted Ben up and took him closer to Rey.

“How is she?” Ben asked his uncle.

“Weak. But she’ll be fine.”

“Why did she faint? I’m the one wearing the cuff.”

“You two are linked. She’s strong, but she’s smaller than you, so her body couldn’t sustain the Force-deprivation. She’ll recover, don’t worry. How are _you_ feeling?”

Ben swallowed.

“Weak. And–” he shuddered. “I think I’m going to throw up,” he confessed, shame written plainly on his face at his display of vulnerability.

“Come on, let’s get you to my quarters. You’ll rest a bit, and then we’ll find out which room has been assigned to you,” Poe offered. “Finn, help us, please.”

Finn was already moving towards them, taking one of Ben’s arms and passing it over his shoulders.

“Thank you, both of you,” Ben whispered, completely drained.

“Don’t mention it, man.”

_How things have changed_ , Finn mused, smiling.

\--

Rey was surrounded by darkness. It wasn’t the one she was used to, though. There was no thread of light to follow, nothing bright and glowing to lead her out of there.

“Ben?” she called. She didn’t know how, but she was sure he was there too, lost in the suffocating blackness. “Ben? Where are you?”

Nothing.

Rey tried to move, but her body was slow and unresponsive. When she finally managed to walk a few steps forward, she tripped over something and fell hard on the ground. Guiding herself with her hands, she touched the object in front of her. It was something soft, silky… her hands moved slowly until–

Rey let out a choked cry. It was a face. She was touching a human face! Her fingers followed the profile of a long nose, a large mouth, a strong jaw…

“Ben!” she cried, half in agony, half in relief. “Ben, it’s me! Can you hear me?”

Ben didn’t stir. His eyes stayed closed.

Rey felt hot tears glide down her cheeks. She stretched out next to him, resting her head on his chest, and closed her eyes.

Rey slept for a few hours, and woke up in her room at sunset. She felt dizzy and tired; she didn’t remember anything from her vision, and when she tried to find the Force, she felt nauseous. It was still gone.

Frantically, she jumped off the bed and walked to the door, leaning heavily against the walls. As she was about to open it, the knob turned and Finn came in.

“Whoa! You’re awake, finally!” he smiled. With a look at her face though, his expression grew worried. “Rey, how are you feeling?”

“I can’t… I can’t feel the Force anymore. Ben… how is he? The collar he had on before is nothing compared to this metal cuff…”

Finn frowned.

“He’s sick. He’s resting in Poe’s quarters for now.”

“I’m going to see him.”

“Rey, I don’t think that’s a good idea.”

Rey stopped, looking at her friend in surprise.

“Why would you say that?”

He bit his lower lip and cleared his throat, awkwardly.

“Ben, um, Ben told us to keep you away from him.” He shifted, clearly uncomfortable. “I’m sorry.”

Rey was livid. “Since when do you do what _he_ tells you to do? You are _my_ friend!”

“I know Rey, I actually think he’s being a jerk, and I’ll take you to him if you want. I just… I don’t want you to suffer if – _when_ – he’ll send you away.”

“Take me to him. _Now!_ ” she growled, furious.

\--

“I think this is a bad idea.”

“I think it’s the best idea I’ve ever had, uncle.”

The Jedi master sighed. Ben had been sleeping in Poe’s bed, and when he had woken up, the young pilot had called Luke over.

Since Naboo, Poe had started to hang around Ben, talking to him, getting to know him. He found he even liked him. Ben had quietly – almost timidly – reciprocated. Now Poe was sitting at the end of the bed, frowning.

Luke had asked his nephew to explain how he thought to break the Force-bond, and he didn't like the plan. He was determined to try and dissuade him.

“Ben, you can’t be serious. Rey saved you. She brought you back. I understand that you want to protect her, but this isn’t the way.”

“There isn’t another way. I’m going to die– if I don’t break the bond, she’s going to die too.”

“But this is _it_! You _don’t_ have to die! We have people who can help you. People who can clear the way for you on the Elbara base and get you out once you’ve tampered with the weapon. It doesn’t have to be a suicide mission!” Luke said vehemently.

“He’s right Ben. I can get you out,” Poe told him.

“Involving other people would be way too risky. The last thing my mother needs is more deaths caused by me.” Ben spoke with a tone of finality which brooked no response.

After a minute of silence Luke asked: “So how are you going to do it?”

“Since I believe the bond was born thanks to feelings of empathy between us… I’m going to crush that empathy forever. I’m going to make her hate me.”

Luke shook his head sadly.

Poe’s jaw clenched in worry, then he asked, “Are you sure? Are you really sure you want this? Ben, it’s _Rey_. I know what you f–”

“ _That_ ,” Ben interrupted him vehemently, “doesn’t matter at all. It’s decided.”

Someone knocked shortly after, and a young woman in the dark uniform of the maintenance staff peeked in from behind the door. “Mr. Solo’s quarters are ready. Section 2, Corridor C, room 305.”

\--

Rey and Finn arrived to Poe’s quarters but found them empty.

Rey looked at her friend quizzically. He shrugged.

“Ben’s new quarters are probably ready. They must have gone there.”

Rey went back to the main corridor, looking for a droid; after she got the information she needed, she dragged Finn towards corridor C.

They were almost there, when a boy ran up to them, calling Finn and breathing hard.

“Tyro! What’s with the rush? Is everything alright?” Finn asked.

“They need you… they need you in hangar 9, right now. Qobin’s Department intercepted a message, and it’s probably from a First Order ship to another… but it’s in code. They need your expertise.”

Finn turned to look at Rey.

“Go,” she said.

“Are you going to be alright?” he asked.

“Yes, of course. Go, soldier. Do your duty” she smiled.

Finn smiled back and hurried away, Tyro hot on his heels.

\--

Ben felt a little better. Now he could walk without Poe’s help, and he didn’t feel exhausted anymore, but he was still tired and ready to lay down. Luke and Poe were following him, and Ben could feel their stare on the back of his neck. He stopped walking. Poe immediately rushed to his side.

“Are you alright?”

Ben smiled, touched. He was genuinely grateful for the young pilot.

“I’m fine. I just wanted to thank you both. But you can go back to your duties now, I can manage on my own.”

“You sure? Are you feeling better?”

“I am. I’ll get to my room and go back to sleep. I’ll see you tomorrow, alright?”

“Get some rest. I think Leia and the Council will want to speak to you in the morning” Luke said.

Ben nodded, and left. He reached section 2, and just as he spotted corridor C, someone called his name.

“Ben Solo!”

He stopped and turned around, warily. He had recognised that voice.

“Councillor Krieg, right?”

The young councillor stopped in front of him. Her lilac hair were tied in a long, elaborate braid, and her lilac eyes were serious and sharp. She assessed him for a few moments, then her lips stretched into a smile.

“Please, call me Isobel.”

Surprised, Ben nodded.

“What can I do for you, Isobel?” he asked, complying with their new familiarity.

“I wanted to apologise to you. What I said to you earlier, about the torture and your loyalty… that was rather tactless.”

Ben was speechless, but recovered quickly.

“You, um– you were doing your job. And I know who I am and what I’ve done, I can’t blame you for anything, really.”

“Well… now that I know you’ve changed, I wanted to talk to you about working together.”

Ben looked at her. “Working together?”

“Yes. I’m Head of the Reconnaissance Department. Every mission on hostile planets, every raid must be authorized by me and my team, every spy must report to me and my officials.”

“And since I volunteered…”

“…since you volunteered, you need to work with me. You must be prepared, you need to learn our protocols, and we have to plan out the destruction of the enemy’s new weapon.”

“You sure your team will accept to work with me?”

Isobel scoffed. “They’re all clever people. They know you’re an asset. And if someone has something to say, I’ll threaten to remove your cuff.”

A corner of Ben’s lips lifted slightly. “Well, in that case, I’ll report to you first thing in the morning.”

Isobel smiled at him, again. She had a pretty smile. Well, maybe not as pretty as…

“Rey! What are you doing here? You should be in bed, recovering!” Isobel exclaimed.

Ben’s blood turned ice-cold in his veins. He didn’t want to face Rey now, but an invisible, irresistible force made his face turn towards her. She was approaching them slowly, her eyes confused and shifting quickly from him to Isobel. She looked… annoyed.

_Useful_ , Ben thought.

_Interesting_ , a voice in his head added. His heartbeat quickened.

“I feel better, thank you” she replied coolly, without looking at Isobel. She was fixing Ben with a hard stare.

“Oh… well, I’m glad to hear it,” said the young councillor. “I was talking to Ben about the…”

At those words, Rey turned sharply towards Isobel. “You were talking to… _Ben_?” she asked, arching an eyebrow.

The councillor blushed and looked away. Ben felt the need to step in.

“Was there something you wanted, Rey? Isobel and I were kinda busy.”

“Yes, I can see that. I need to talk to you. Alone.” Rey was fuming.

“I can’t right now. Isobel, would you like to come with me? We can continue our discussion in my quarters, I need to sit down for a bit, if you don’t mind.” Ben swayed a little on his feet.

Isobel moved fast and kept him upright. “It’s the cuff, isn’t it? Come on, you need to rest.” She put one of his arms around her shoulders, and slowly led him down corridor C.

Ben didn’t say anything to Rey. She stayed there, rooted to the spot. Ben had kept his mind shut off, but he felt the force of her anger very clearly.

_Good_ , he thought. _That’s good._ _That’s what I wanted_.

_Are you sure?_ said a voice in his head, the same one from before.

_Shut up_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> How I envisioned Isobel's hair: https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/564x/d1/5a/c9/d15ac9db6f2f0dc14ca7e7586ba50ba5.jpg


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, I'm back with a new chapter! Sorry I disappeared for such a long time, work has been draining me completely and I used the Christmas holidays to recharge. I don't know when I'll be posting another chapter, but as I said before, I'm dead set on finishing this story! It *will* be updated :)  
> Also, how sad was Carrie's passing? :( I was really gutted. RIP Princess.  
> Enjoy this chapter, and please, leave a comment, I love to hear your thoughts! Xx

Rey watched Ben and Isobel getting away, side by side, her small arm around his back, her hand clutching his black shirt to support his weight.

An anger she had never felt before invaded her mind. She felt hot all over, and then ice cold. The ground started to vibrate under her feet, and she flinched: astonished at her own reaction, she turned around and ran outside.

She passed five hangars before turning towards the forest that bordered the base to the east. She stopped running when she felt she was deep enough within the green heart of the woods. Then she collapsed on the soft damp ground, panting.

She closed her eyes and focused on her breathing. In, out. In, out. She tried to remember Luke’s teachings on meditation, on self-analysis, and she turned her attention inward, in an attempt to understand the reason why she was feeling angry and frustrated and sad and terribly lonely.

She saw Ben. Ben ignoring her. Ben shutting her out of his mind. Ben with Isobel. Ben laughing with Isobel. The trees around her started to shake, the smaller branches quaking so violently that some of them snapped and fell to the ground. Rey sank her hands in the soft earth, gasping.

She knew what that anger was, then. Jealousy. Stupid, annoying, simple jealousy. It cut her like a knife, every time the image of Ben with Isobel crossed her mind.

And after the anger, pain came over her. What if Ben chose to ignore her until he left for the mission? What if he chose to spend his time with Isobel, shutting her out of the bond, out of his life, permanently? What if he went through with his stupid suicidal plan, and they never spoke again?

Rey let out a cry of frustration and anguish.

_It hurts too much. Too much._

She hugged herself, the sadness and pain she felt inside too much to bear.

_Calm down. Calm down. You’re useless like this._

Rey started humming a song someone had sung to her when she was a baby. It was one of the few precious memories she had from before Jakku, and it had always helped her. Her breathing got less erratic, her heartbeat slowed down. In a sense, she felt less alone, like the song was a calming presence that enveloped her in a warm comforting embrace.

_I must protect my heart,_ she thought. _I can’t suffer like this just because a man won’t talk to me._

She felt hot tears running down her cheeks, and angrily brushed them off with the back of her hand. She knew that calling Ben ‘a man’ was restrictive. He wasn’t just ‘a man’. But this was the only way she could push herself to react, to do something to protect her own heart. Reducing Ben to a male presence like any other meant she could have no qualms about closing off her heart to him.

_Heart of steel._

She rose, taking deep breaths to centre herself.

_Shut him off. Heart of steel._

Her eyes dried up. Calmly, Rey started walking, out of the woods, back to the base, back to her room, all the while reciting her new mantra in her head.

_Shut him off. Heart of steel._

\--

In the following days Luke’s worry increased every time he glanced at his nephew in the Reconnaissance headquarters, every time he spotted Rey moving from the Mecha wing to the training centre. They both worried him, in different ways.

He hadn’t talked to Ben about his foolish suicidal plan after that first time in Poe’s room, but he knew his nephew hadn’t changed his mind. He had thrown himself into work: Luke knew Ben was always up at dawn, and he was the last to leave in the evening. He spent the majority of his time with councillor Krieg and her team. He was always working, had almost no time to talk to his mother, or to him, or to the few friends he had at the base. And he was completely ignoring Rey. Luke knew that they hadn’t interacted once since the day of the verdict. He saw the dark circles under his nephew’s eyes, and he suspected they weren’t just signs of exhaustion from his work and the Force-suppressing cuff.

Rey was a source of worry in a different way. She behaved normally enough: she regularly talked with her friends, sometimes she trained with him, and she always took time to take a walk with Leia in the evenings, but there was an air about her, a new hardness that was probably connected to Ben’s behaviour. It was as if a part of her had completely shut down, like a faulty machine, and Luke could see the flashing warning spy that signalled something was very wrong.

The Jedi master decided to let some time pass, hoping that Ben and Rey could solve their issues without his intervention.

\--

A few days after her breakdown in the woods, Rey woke up with a strange feeling. There was something in the air, something oppressing that didn’t bode well, but since she felt numb as usual and nothing transpired from the silent bond, she ignored it all and went to work at the Mecha station.

An hour after midday, when she felt she needed a break, she left the hangar and the X-wing she was working on, and headed towards the mess hall.

Immediately she realised that something was off: people were staring at her, with eyes full of fear and alarm.

“What is it?” she said out loud.

A shy-looking girl from Qobin’s department approached her cautiously, as if Rey were a wounded animal.

“There’s been an accident… at the Reconnaissance department. A panel short-circuited and provoked a massive explosion.”

“Gods, is everyone ok?” Rey asked, worry immediately gnawing at her stomach.

“There were no casualties because… because… damn, I thought you already knew.” The girl shook her head. “Ben Solo protected everyone by using the Force as a shield. But…” she hesitated.

Rey felt her blood turn into ice.

“But…what?”

“But he was hit full force by all the debris. He’s in the infirmary now, barely alive… I thought you would feel it through your bond” she concluded.

Rey didn’t even thank her. She bolted towards the infirmary, an iron fist crushing her heart in her chest. She arrived panting hard, her lungs burning. She burst through the door of the waiting room, finding Leia, Luke… and a dishevelled-looking Isobel Krieg, who was sobbing quietly in a corner.

Rey looked at Luke and Leia with air of accusation.

“Why didn’t anyone bother to tell me?” she asked, voice trembling.

“We thought you would already know” Leia answered, surprised.

Rey shook her head, and lowered her eyes.

“He shut me out the day of his trial. The bond has been silent ever since.”

“What?” said Leia. “But… why-”

“That’s not important right now. Please, how is he? Is he going to be ok?”

Luke put a hand on his sister’s shoulder.

“We don’t know yet. The doctors and medi-droids are examining him as we speak.”

Rey nodded, biting her lower lip in worry. Then she turned her icy gaze on Councillor Krieg.

“What happened?” she asked her.

Isobel sniffled, but she looked at Rey in the eyes.

“We were all gathered around the main table, looking at a holomap… Ben had been trying to figure out which planets would be more at risk should the weapon be ready sooner than we-”

“I don’t care about that” Rey interrupted. “Tell me about the explosion”.

A flash of irritation passed over Isobel’s face, but she went on.

“Suddenly we heard a noise coming from the control panels behind us, like a crackling. Holden, one of our officials, said he had seen sparks coming from the panel. Ben asked me to take his cuff off. His tone of voice was... I didn't even think, I just unlocked it - every councillor has a key - a moment later there was another noise, then another, then smoke, more sparks and boom. Everything went to hell. I had closed my eyes and crouched down hoping it would be over soon, but the blast never reached me. When I looked up, I saw Ben standing in front of the panel with his arms outstretched. He was bleeding everywhere; he had managed to freeze most of the debris directed at us in mid-air, but he had been hit hard. Everyone else was ok though. Then he said, ‘Get out’ and I knew he wouldn’t resist much longer. So I ushered everyone outside, and when I closed the door-”

Rey stepped towards her. Isobel stopped talking, alarmed.

“You… you left him inside? You left him _on his own_?” her voice was deadly quiet. The chairs in the waiting room started to vibrate.

“Rey, control yourself” Luke said, his voice firm although he was looking at Isobel with ill-concealed disdain.

Rey closed her eyes, breathing deeply. The chairs stilled. She spoke to Isobel.

“You don’t abandon a partner in danger. _Ever_. You are nothing but a selfish coward.”

“I got everyone out! What else could I do?” the Councillor sobbed.

“You could have thrown him to the ground! You could have dragged him behind the table! You could have tried to move the frozen debris away from him!”

“But… it was way too dangerous! I would have died with him in there! Are you trying to tell me-”

“HE’S NOT DEAD YET! AND YES, I WOULD HAVE STAYED WITH HIM IN THERE! HOW COULD YOU LEAVE HIM ALONE?” Rey was out of her mind. Isobel cowered, scared and ashamed.

The noise of a door opening and closing startled everyone. A doctor appeared in the room, his face tired but satisfied.

Leia sprang up from her chair.

“He’ll live. He was injured on the 79% of his body, but apart from a few scars he’s going to be ok. He’s awake and you can see him, but only two people at a time. And please, don’t yell in here. The patients need to rest.”

At these words Rey felt so relieved that her knees buckled, and she collapsed to the ground, trembling. Tears gathered at the corners of her eyes, and she let them flow freely.

“Rey, do you…” Leia said.

“You go ahead. I’ll see him after you… if- if he wants” she answered.

The General nodded, and followed the doctor with Luke behind her.

Rey stayed on the floor, hugging her knees.

“Leave” she told Isobel without looking at her. “And stay the hell away.”

The young Councillor opened her mouth as if to protest, but she thought better of it, and quietly left the room.

\--

Leia entered the infirmary, and with her heart in her throat, she moved towards her son’s bed. When she saw him, she had to lean on her brother for the shock: Ben’s body was almost completely wrapped up in bacta-bandages, neck, chest, arms, stomach, everything. She felt her eyes prickle with tears, but then her son smiled at her.

“Hello mother.”

“Oh Ben.” Leia sat on the chair beside the bed. She caressed her son’s hair and forehead.

“I love you for what you did. You have a good heart. No one could doubt it now. But…” she choked.

“You could have died, it’s what your mother is trying to say” said Luke.

Ben sighed. “I know. But I’m going to die anyway in a few weeks, and besides I deserve it, so…” he shrugged, but in doing so, he grimaced in pain.

“Ben!” Leia exclaimed. “You don’t deserve to die!”

He looked at her, incredulous.

“I killed father. I killed… I killed countless innocent people.”

“Your father loved you, and he would agree with me that what you _do_ deserve is a second chance, not death.”

“And your actions so far show that this second chance was the best thing you could be offered, not only for you but for me, for your mother, for Rey, Chewie, Poe, Finn, and now for everyone in Reconnaissance” Luke concluded.

Ben’s eyes started to droop.

“If you say so…” he murmured. “I’m sorry, I feel so tired…”

“Don’t worry Ben, go to sleep. You’ll recover more quickly.” Leia put her hand on her son's head, and stroked the skin between the eyes with her thumb, as she had done countless nights when he was a little boy. It used to lull him to sleep in no time. It still worked, even now.

“Yes… love you… mum.”

Leia gasped. She looked at Luke, shocked, sure she had misheard. But her brother smiled at her. She smiled back, happier than she had ever been in years. She leaned over Ben, kissed his forehead, and said, “Luke, let’s send Rey in. These two need to overcome whatever problems they have. And then meet me with Finn and Poe in my quarters. We need to talk.”


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! I'm happy to present to you chapter 17!! This week has been a fortunate combination of free time and inspiration, so here you go!  
> I hope you'll enjoy it, tell me what you think in the comments, you have no idea how they make me feel! they make me want to write and write and write :D

Ben’s dream was pleasant and comforting. He was resting peacefully in a meadow, arms crossed under his head, eyes closed, the warmth of the sun on his skin, a blissful silence all around him… it was perfect. Too soon it all began to fade, and Ben knew he would be awake in a few seconds. When he opened his eyes, reality came crashing back: his current situation couldn’t have been more different from his dream.

Ben could see through the high windows that it was dark outside, so that meant he had been sleeping for a long time, considering his mother had seen him just after midday. Feeling a little stiff, he tried to stretch his arms, but a jolt of pain reminded him of his countless cuts. He looked around then, and almost gasped in surprise.

Rey was sitting in the chair near the bottom of the bed, sound asleep. Her arms were folded on the mattress, cushioning her head. Her breathing was deep and regular, but Ben didn’t dare move a muscle: she was nearly touching his feet under the cover with her hands. If she had woken up, he wouldn’t have known what to say to her.

He took advantage of her closeness to look at her properly. Although these days he was avoiding her like the plague, he was always perfectly aware of her whenever she was near. Involuntarily, without her noticing, he always followed every movement, every expression, every grimace Rey made. Whenever he realized what he was doing, he stopped, turning his gaze elsewhere. But now she was so close, and he missed her so terribly, that he allowed himself a full scrutiny.

She looked pale. Her skin looked like alabaster. Ben frowned, worried: Rey’s complexion had always been bronzed, her cheeks rosy ad her lips a bright pink. Why this sudden change? Her expression was different, too: frown lines between her eyes, thinned lips and an air of tension that sleep couldn’t completely erase. His hands felt the itch to reach out and gather her against his chest. He clenched them instead.

Ben knew that, if he allowed Rey to talk to him, hell, even look at him in the eyes, he would cave in in a heartbeat, and he would bow down at her feet, asking her forgiveness for the way he had treated her in the past weeks. But he couldn’t afford such luxury. Rey needed to hate him, to stay away from him. Their bond was destined to break with his death, and she had to survive. Ben was convinced that Rey would be all right if he made himself impossible to forgive.

He kept on looking at her, wishing he could reach out and brush her cheek. After some time, she scrunched up her nose and began to stir. Knowing she’d soon open her eyes, Ben did the only thing he could think of in order to avoid a confrontation: he pretended to be asleep.

With his eyes closed, sound was the only sense that could give him a clue on what Rey was doing. He heard her yawn and groan softly, then a rustle of clothes. She was probably stretching her arms.

Her chair scraped lightly against the floor, and Ben felt both relieved and disappointed: he figured Rey would get up and out of the infirmary. But her steps didn’t get away from his bed, they got closer. When his inner eyelids darkened, Ben knew that she was hovering above him, her head blocking and dimming the lights in the room.

He had to make an effort not to flinch in surprise when Rey’s fingers touched his hair and began stroking his head gently. Ben felt a lump in his throat, but managed to keep his breathing even.

_What are you doing, Rey? Don’t… you’re not supposed to want to touch me… you… I need you to hate me._

The soft caresses continued for a while. Ben was sure Rey was doing it absentmindedly, lost in thought.

_What are you thinking about, little scavenger? I miss you so much…_

“I don’t understand you anymore.” Rey murmured. “I miss you. I wish you would come back to me. I wish you would listen.”

She sighed, and looked at Ben’s sleeping face. She had stayed all day by his side, hoping he would wake up, but he had slept through the afternoon and after a while, she had fallen asleep too. Now her muscles were stiff and sore from the uncomfortable infirmary chair, and Rey longed for her bed.

She made an impulsive decision, then. She leaned over Ben, caressed his cheek and touched his lips with hers. It was a gentle, tender kiss. It lasted a second or two. Then Rey straightened herself up and hastily got out.

Ben’s eyes opened, and a suppressed sob erupted from his mouth, while bitter tears glided down his cheeks. He bent over, trying to keep it together, but feeling it was too late, he allowed his agony to wreck his body and mind with uncontrollable sobbing and unbearable regret.

\--

Poe walked towards Leia’s quarters with a spring in his gait. He had the feeling he knew what the urgent meeting would be about. When he arrived, he knocked and got inside: he greeted Luke and Chewbacca, and said to Leia, “Finn is helping out in Communications, he will be with us as soon as he can.”

“Good. In the meantime, let’s begin.” Leia looked at everyone, serious. “My son can’t go through with his suicidal plan. I won’t let him die. And I’m asking all of you to help me prevent it.”

“You can count on me, General. I’ll help. It was a stupid plan, anyway.” Poe answered. Luke nodded, and Chewie growled in agreement.

“Excellent. I’m afraid Ben won’t accept our help, so we must devise a solid, fool proof plan to retrieve him once he has tampered with the weapon.”

“From what Ben told Krieg’s department” Luke said, “they’ll keep it underground until it will be ready to fire, so he’ll need to sabotage it before they bring it to the surface. We need to convince Ben to flee once he’s done his job, instead of staying there to make sure it will blow up correctly, with him on it.”

“If he does escape, he’ll need to dodge Hux and the Stormtroopers… the less attention he draws to himself, the better. Maybe… maybe we could provide distraction with an X-wing attack on the opposite side of the base. Ben will need to come out as fast as he can… the weapon won’t take more than a few minutes to reach the surface. At that point I’ll be able to reach him and take him away before the blast. Luckily, Elbara–”

A loud knock interrupted him, and Finn entered the room, flustered, panting, a worried look on his face. Poe moved towards him, murmuring softly, “You okay?”

“I’m okay, just… I need to catch my breath for a moment.”

While Finn recovered, Poe concluded his speech.

“As I was saying, Elbara Nine is covered in huge ice formations, so I’ll be able to conceal the ship easily enough. As soon as Ben gets out I can get him away.”

Leia and Luke nodded in approval, while Chewie growled loudly.

“Yeah, of course. Ben will probably need help getting away from the base. I fly, you shoot,” Poe answered.

“What did I miss?” Finn asked.

Luke explained their plan, and Finn nodded his assent, but then his expression got gloomy.

“There’s a problem,” he said. “I was just in Comms, where we intercepted a message to Elbara Nine: two weeks from now, a ship carrying a team of engineers will arrive on the planet, to prepare the base for the installation of the weapon.”

“This was expected, wasn’t it? They need preparations for the weapon. Why is it a problem?” Leia asked.

“It’s a problem because they said they would make a stop on Sanbra. And that planet’s far too close to D’qar. They could intercept rebel ships and we’d be discovered. We have about a hundred people out on various missions, and at least six ships are expected back in the next two weeks. They mustn’t be detected.”

“What do you suggest, then?” Luke asked.

“We need to stop that ship before it gets near Sanbra. I just have to figure out _how_.”

Silence fell in the room, everyone trying to come up with a solution.

“What if,” Leia said after some time, “What if we intercept them, far away from Sanbra and D’qar, so that it appears it’s completely by chance? We find them, we attack them, the ship never arrives on Elbara and they delay the installation of the weapon.”

“That could work. What route do you think they’ll take, Finn?” Luke asked.

“The ship leaves in a week. Coming from Athiss, they’re bound to pass next to Nal Hatta, and they’ll reach it in… ten days. If we leave in six days, we could intercept them there.”

“Alright. We have to assemble a team. I think we’ll need some extra help… and I have someone in mind,” Luke said, with a satisfied smirk.

\--

Rey couldn’t believe what Luke had just told her. A mission. With Ben. Other people too, of course, but… A mission. Where they would have to fight. They would have to fight _together_.

“Does Ben know about this?” she asked her master. “I don’t think he’ll want me there.”

“Is that a problem for you?”

“No, but I don’t want our… situation to jeopardize the mission.”

“Don’t worry about it. Ben will obey his mother’s orders and he’ll fight alongside you. He knows what’s really important.”

Rey nodded.

“Now, gather your things. We leave in an hour.”

“What? But– why? Where are we going?”

“We have things to do, places to be,” the Jedi master smiled.

\--

Ben had finally been given permission to go back to his quarters. A day of rest in bed and the bacta bandages had done their job, so he had already healed.

He was less than pleased with his new orders, though: the mission he had been assigned would be… difficult. Being in such close quarters with Rey for a few days would be dangerous and complicated.

The doctors had told him to rest as much as possible, and for once he had relented. In the following days, he worked in the mornings and trained or meditated in the afternoon. Everyone in his department had warmed up a bit towards him, and Ben didn’t know how to feel about it. When he told his mother, she laughed, telling him that, even as a child, people’s abrupt changes in demeanour had always baffled him.

The only person that was acting aloof was Isobel; she worked with him as usual, but she treated him in a much cooler way, and she spoke to him as little as possible.

Rey was nowhere to be seen. And neither was Luke. Ben didn’t ask, but Finn and Poe could very well see that he was dying to know. After two days Finn took pity on him, and he told Ben that Rey and Luke would be back in time for the mission.

 _The mission_. Every night Ben meditated, trying to come to terms with what he would have to do, to quell his worry and anxiety and to fortify the walls around his mind and heart.

The evening before departure, someone knocked on his door. He snapped out of his meditative state, calling, “Yeah, come in”. It was Poe.

“Hey Ben. How are you feeling?”

“I’m fine, thank you.”

“You sure? You seem… upset.”

“Well, yeah. You know about the mission. That’s not an easy situation for me.”

“Because…”

“You know why! Me, and Rey, on a ship for who knows how many hours? It could very well defeat my purpose, couldn’t it?”

“…I still think you shouldn’t ignore her.”

“I know, but I’m doing it anyway. What did you want to talk about?” Ben said, stubbornly.

The young pilot sighed. “You won’t like this, but you need to do something before the mission.” He explained briefly.

“ _Absolutely not_!”

“Ben…”

“NO, Poe. How can they ask me that? You all know what I’m trying to do!”

“Ben, it’s for the mission! It’s important, vital even!”

Ben growled. He couldn’t believe what Luke and his mother were asking! He couldn’t do it. If he did, all his efforts, all the pain, would be for nothing.

“I _can’t_ …” he whispered.

“You can. You must. I’m sorry Ben.” Poe squeezed his friend’s shoulder.

Ben sighed, defeated.

“When?”

“Tomorrow morning, before we leave. Try and get some rest, man, alright?”

Ben nodded. He patted Poe on the back in thanks and opened the door for him.

“I’ll see you tomorrow, then.”

Poe turned to look at him. “You can have your life back, you know. You have family and friends now. You are atoning, you’re not doomed. Let yourself have a new life.”

Ben hung his head.

“Poe, I can see what everyone thinks. I can see what everyone does, what everyone has done. No one is innocent, but… No one has killed innocents. No one has let the Dark side in. I don’t belong with normal people. I _am_ doomed.”

“You have people who care about you! You saved my life! You saved fifty people the other day!”

“Making sure that the First Order’s new weapon explodes will save people.”

“You don’t have to die, though.”

“There’s no other way.”

Poe bit his tongue. He couldn’t talk about the plan to save his friend’s life yet. Ben needed convincing first. He decided to test the waters a bit.

“And what if we come up with a plan to save you?”

Ben looked at him. “You won’t.”

“But what if we do?” Poe grinned like a cat.

Ben huffed, exasperated. “Then I’ll consider it! Now go, I need my rest!”

“Yeah, yeah, see you tomorrow.”

\--

Rey looked at Ben from the other side of the training centre. He had a funny expression on his face, as if he was trying hard not to look directly at her, but at the same time he was concentrating to catch every movement she might make.

She scoffed. He truly was an idiot.

She thought about the kiss that she had stolen from him in the infirmary.

_Probably the last physical contact we’ll have in this life._

The thought saddened her deeply. She knew that Ben wanted to die for the Resistance, to redeem himself in the eyes of her mother, and she didn’t need the bond to get that. Leia deserved to see that her son had truly come back to her, Rey understood. But… she had also hoped that after everything she and Ben had been together, he would choose to stay alive. For her.

Maybe he didn’t know that she could never hate him, that the bond could never be broken.

_I’m not letting him die without telling him exactly what that will do to me._

“All right. Time to reopen that bond, you two. Merge your minds and fight me together,” Luke ordered.

“Wait, how… how are we supposed to fight you, if you have the lightsaber and we don’t?” Ben asked.

Rey drew out a staff from her vest. It was shorter than the one she usually had.

Ben’s eyes widened. “Don’t tell me…”

She pressed a switch, and her brand new saberstaff ignited, its twin blades glowing pale gold.

“It’s… beautiful.”

“Yes, it is. That’s the reason we’ve been away. Now, Ben, you and Rey have to fight together, one with a weapon, the other with the Force. Come on.”

Rey nodded, closed her eyes and waited for Ben. She lowered all her walls, all her shields, and looked for his mind, for the familiar and comforting link that united them.

Ben was reluctant, his fists clenched tightly. He had glimpsed a trace of sadness on Rey’s face before, and all he had wanted was embrace her and shield her from whatever it was that caused her pain. How could he merge his mind with hers and not give himself away? He just hoped she would be more focused on fighting Luke than in reading him. He took a deep breath and opened his mind to hers for the first time in weeks.


	18. Chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! Sorry for the long wait, I've been struggling with the blasted writer's block on this chapter! I'm not entirely satisfied with it, but hopefully you'll enjoy it! Please, let me know what you think in the comments, any useful criticism is welcome, and you know I love your opinions on my little story! Happy reading :) Xx 
> 
> (warning: mild swearing towards the end!)

Ben almost fainted after the first impression he received from Rey’s mind.

Sorrow. Grief.

_Am I causing this?_

Pain. Abandonment.

_No… it can’t be._

Loss. Longing.

Ben took his head in his hands. Whenever Rey was in pain, _he_ was in pain, and it wasn’t easy to overcome it and concentrate on battling Luke.

But as the Jedi switched on his lightsaber, instinct prevailed and he and Rey became one, moving, attacking and parrying in perfect coordination. When Luke attacked Rey and she had to fight on the defensive, Ben fired blasts of Force with his arm outstretched, and when Luke turned to block him, Rey attacked. It was perfect. It was as if they were back on Ahch-to. Ben felt finally complete, the hole inside his chest had been filled, he was finally able to share everything he felt, from the adrenaline and exhilaration of battle to his thoughts and sensations, with his soulmate, and–

_Wait, what?_

Ben gasped and raised his walls back up. Rey stumbled and felt dizzy: he had shut her off so quickly and abruptly that she had lost her bearings for a moment. Luke stopped and switched off his sword.

“What happened?” he asked.

Rey looked at Ben, completely bewildered.

All he did was turn around and walk away.

\--

Finn had been in many awkward situations, but this one went beyond anything he had ever experienced.

It looked like someone had built a wall in the middle of the Falcon’s main hold: on one side there was Ben, sitting on the ground, his eyes stubbornly closed in meditation. Two young Resistance soldiers, Thane and Rika, sat at the chess table, glancing at him curiously. On the other side, he was sitting with Rey, who was unconsciously mirroring Ben’s frown although she was reading a holobook.

_Well, she’s trying to_ , Finn thought, as he noticed that her gaze had been looking at the same spot for a quarter hour.

Finn had no idea why things between the two seemed to have worsened even more. All he knew was that less than an hour after Rey had gone to the training centre, Poe had come running, saying that the departure had been moved up.

Now, with Ben and Rey behaving like that, he wanted to understand what the kriff had happened.

He got up, saying loudly, “Well, I’ll go see Poe and Chewie, to uh, check if everything’s alright”.

The only answer he got was a nod from Rika, so he headed down the corridor and joined the two pilots in the cockpit.

“How’s the situation?” Poe asked.

“Well, you could cut the tension with a knife, but other than that, it’s peachy,” Finn answered sarcastically. “What the kriff happened?”

“No idea. Luke just told me that when Ben and Rey reactivated the bond it was a disaster. He asked me to leave immediately and to give them one hell of a pep talk about teamwork before attacking the enemy”.

“Huh,” Finn said. “I swear, if I die on this mission because the two of them are too kriffing stubborn to admit they miss each other, I’m going to kill them myself!”

Chewie growled in agreement.

\--

They arrived near Nal Hutta a few hours before the First Order ship was expected to get to the space station just outside the planet’s atmosphere. Poe and Chewie hid the Falcon behind the massive asteroid orbiting not far from the station. The position didn’t offer any visibility, but the sensors of the ship would spot any vessel passing by.

Finn got back to the main hold, soon followed by the pilot and the wookie. He cleared his voice to get the others’ attention, but only Rika and Thane looked at him: Rey kept her gaze firmly on her holobook, and Ben didn’t move from his meditative stance.

Sighing, Finn began, “Right, so the First Order should be here in an hour or so. We attack as soon as it gets here. We want to damage the engines so that we can skyjack the ship to the planet’s surface. Rey and Ben–” he paused, looking at them. He raised his voice, “ _Rey and Ben_! If need be, you’ll merge your minds and use the Force to help with that. Alright?”

The two nodded, silently. Their displeasure at that thought was showing clearly on their faces.

“When we land, we’ll have to face the Stormtroopers on board. For a mission like this one, the standard is ten to fifteen troopers. There’s seven of us. Poe and Rika will capture the engineers; Chewie, Thane and I will fight the soldiers, alongside you two. Again, Ben and Rey, we need you to cooperate. The mission must be successful and nobody has to die. Please, put aside you differences and think about protecting your partners’ lives. _Our_ lives.”

Poe looked at Finn with pride. His speech seemed to have stirred something in Rey and Ben, who glanced at each other and nodded.

“Thank you. Now–” the blaring of an alarm cut off Finn’s words.

Chewie went to the cockpit to check and he got back shaking his head and growling.

“Yeah, probably Rodian smugglers. False alarm,” Poe answered.

Finn gave his instructions.

“Thane, as soon as we see the enemy, you go to the gunner seat and you take down those engines, alright?”

The young man nodded.

“Rika, you gear up, arms–”

The alarm blared again. This time Chewie growled loudly.

“They’re here! In position, now!”

\--

Rey dabbed the sweat off her forehead. Nal Hutta wasn’t exactly a hospitable planet, and the area where the First Order ship had crash-landed was a vast, swampy meadow, covered in annoying little insects. But the climate was the worst: as hot as Jakku, as humid as Dagobah.

After landing not too far from the enemy’s ship, they had all started running towards it, ready to attack the troopers and take the engineers as prisoners.

She had fought non-stop for half an hour, her mind fused together with Ben’s. Her saberstaff had traced elegant arabesques in the air in a series of attack, parry, slash, duck, jump, attack. Her body had become a deadly war machine. Ben had been by her side the whole time, hurling force waves against the troopers, having her back and protecting all the others. They really were a great team. Their combined efforts, along with Finn, Thane and Chewie’s help, had allowed Poe and Rika to gather all the engineers and swiftly handcuff them all.

The battle hadn’t lasted long, but once the adrenaline of the fight wore off, Rey felt completely exhausted. She rested her hands on her knees, leaning forward to catch her breath. Not far from her, Finn and Chewie were finishing off the last few surviving troopers, so Rey decided to cut off her link to Ben.

She still felt slightly bewildered from what he had accidentally revealed when they were training with Luke. Ben hadn’t talked to her since, increasing her frustration and confusion. She desperately wanted him to confront her about it, but she was determined not to give her anxiety away, so she supposed that the less time he spent in her mind, the better.

Ben was standing a few feet away from Rey, and turned towards her when he felt her presence leave his mind. He opened his mouth to speak, when suddenly his body went rigid, his expression changing instantly from worry to fear, his eyes glued to something beyond her.

Rey saw him raise an arm, she heard his voice scream “MOVE!”, and then a burning pain seared the side of her head, making her lose balance and sending her crashing to the ground. Her temple collided with something hard and sharp. Rey’s pain doubled, and hot tears sprang from her eyes. She only managed to think _what happened?_ before blackness engulfed her completely.

\--

As in slow motion, Ben watched Rey fall, hit by a Stormtrooper who had suddenly appeared behind her. He felt his blood freeze in his veins, while a terrible anger exploded from his left hand and a mighty Force wave made the trooper crumple down, dead.

In three strides he was crouching beside Rey, holding her head carefully while searching for injuries. To his horror, his hands came away soiled in crimson. His heart skipped a beat.

_No no, please, no…_

Her face was white as snow. He checked her breathing.

_Yes! Faint, but it’s there. Hang on, Rey. Please, please, hang on._

“Finn! Chewie! HELP!”

Despite the panic rising steadily inside of him, he managed to lift Rey’s limp body extremely gently, carrying her as quickly as possible back to the Falcon. He saw the others running towards him, panic written clearly on their features.

“What happened?”

“Oh gods, is she…?”

“She’s breathing, but her head’s bleeding… she needs a bacta tank, _now_! We need to take her to the space station as soon as possible!”

Chewie growled and ran to the cockpit, readying the Falcon for take-off. Thane and Rika led the handcuffed engineers on board, locking them up in one of the Falcon’s holds, while Finn and Poe helped Ben lay Rey on a cot in the med-bay.

“We have some bacta-gel, let’s put it on her wound. Then the doctors will take care of any internal injuries,” Finn said.

Ben nodded silently, sitting down beside Rey, holding her hand and brushing it with his lips.

“Ben? What–” Poe began.

“A trooper… a damn trooper shot her. I saw him too late… He must have been hiding inside the ship. It’s my entire fault, I should have checked for survivors with the Force–”

“Ben, you couldn’t have known one of them had stayed behind.”

“I should have.”

Poe glanced at Finn, who looked back helplessly.

“She’ll be alright. She’ll be with a doctor in ten minutes.”

Ben didn’t answer, his throat completely constricted by fear and guilt.

“Ben, why…” Finn asked, “why didn’t she duck to avoid the shot? The moment you saw the trooper fire, she should have known too.”

Ben closed his eyes, guilt ripping him apart.

“She had already cut off our connection. She… she shut me out as soon as we stopped fighting.” He grabbed his hair and pulled, frustrated. “She did it because I’ve been ignoring her this whole time. My fucking plan to keep her out of my mind to protect her… it just backfired spectacularly, and now she could die. FUCK!”

The cots and chair in the med bay shook violently.

“Calm down. Don’t blow us up, we need the Falcon to get Rey to a doctor,” Finn said calmly. His words reached Ben, who took a deep breath, and fell silent.

Chewie managed to get to the space station in seven minutes. Ben, Finn and Poe, all equipped with fake IDs, disembarked with Rey and rushed her to the little hospital, their hearts in their throats.

\--

Rey woke up with a pounding headache. She kept her eyes closed, trying to figure out where she was, trying to remember what had happened to her. Her mind, however, was blank. She didn’t know why her head hurt, she had no idea why she could smell the pungent scent of bacta-gel.

She opened her eyes. The lights in the room were very bright. _This is an infirmary_ , she thought. She squinted, covering her face with the back of her hand.

Her movement caused the person seated to her left to stir, and after a second, Finn’s relieved face appeared above her.

“Finally! You’re awake! We were worried sick, you know?”

Rey lifted herself up on her elbows, grimacing.

“Finn? How… what–”

“Careful, careful. How are you feeling?”

“My head hurts… really bad. What happened? Where am I? And who’s _we_?” she asked.

“A Stormtrooper shot you, but luckily it was just a graze. You hit your head pretty hard when you fell to the ground though. Ben tried to warn you, but–”

“Ben? Who–”

The door banged open suddenly, and a tall, black-clad figure entered the room.

Rey’s body went rigid, oozing tension and distress.

“YOU!” she screamed, staring at the face of Kylo Ren. “STAY AWAY FROM ME, YOU MONSTER!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ....oops! Please don't kill me for this ending :D You can yell at me in the comments though ;)


	19. Chapter 19

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ta-daaaa! Brand new chapter in just a week and a half :D The credit is all yours, I loved the discussion in the comments! Keep it up guys, it makes me happy and it makes me write faster ;P Happy reading! Xx  
> PS I haven't said it in quite some time: sorry for any mistakes, English is my 2nd language!

Panic grabbed Rey’s heart. She scrambled down the bed, on unsteady legs, and looked frantically around.

“Rey, what are you doing? Go back to bed, you’re not–”

“OUT OF THE WAY, FINN!”

Before he could do anything to stop her, Rey spotted a short staff lying on the small table beside her bed and grabbed it. She realized it was a saberstaff and promptly switched it on, pointing it at Kylo Ren.

“REY! Stop it! Put it down!” Finn put himself between her weapon and her enemy.

“What are you doing? Move!” she hissed.

“Ben, get out! Go, NOW!”

To her immense shock, Kylo Ren listened to Finn’s words and quietly exited the room.

As soon as the monster who had killed Han and sent Finn into a coma disappeared, Rey’s adrenaline vanished, and she collapsed. She felt extremely weak, and her head hurt with her every movement. Heart beating wildly, voice quivering, she asked, “What’s going on? Finn?” She reached out to him with her hands, and he gently helped her to her feet, guiding her back to bed.

“Rey, it’s alright. You’re okay. You’re safe.”

“ _Safe_? _He_ ’s here!” she glanced nervously at the door, almost expecting Kylo to get back in at any moment. “Finn, why– what’s going on?”

Finn furrowed his brows.

“Rey, what’s the last thing you remember?”

She concentrated, wracking her brain for an answer.

“I remember saying goodbye to you while you were unconscious. I remember leaving with Chewie and R2, to find…Luke Skywalker. Did… did I find him? I–” she stopped, seeing Finn’s expression change. “How much… how much am I missing?”

Her friend sighed. “Quite a big chunk. But don’t worry, I’m sure it’s only temporary… you were hit in the head after all. Wait here for a moment, ok? I’ll fetch a doctor, and then I’ll explain everything,” Finn whispered to her. He kissed her temple and then got out, closing the door softly.

\--

“Poe! Is everything all right? Why the encrypted call?” Leia’s face appeared worried when she answered to her pilot’s call from the Falcon. Luke was standing beside her, his usually calm expression now quite tense.

“We are all fine General, the mission was successful. However, there’s been a… uh, a complication.”

“What kind of complication?”

“Well… Rey was shot and she hit her head. We rushed her to the hospital, and she’s fine now, she’s talking and walking and everything but when she woke up, she… well, she doesn’t remember the past few months. The last thing she recalls is leaving for Ahch To.”

“I felt something was wrong…” Luke murmured. “Was Ben with her when she woke?”

“No, but he entered her room a few minutes after, and she freaked out, understandably. He’s still Kylo Ren to her.”

Leia sighed deeply. _Not this too_.

“Has she been dismissed? Are you coming back?”

“Yes General. The doctor said her wounds are healed now, and her memory should eventually come back, even though he couldn’t guarantee it. We leave in an hour.”

“Alright, we’ll see you in a couple of days then.”

Leia ended the call and turned towards her brother.

“What do we do? If Rey doesn’t… Ben won’t… he– he’ll leave...” the words died in her throat, choked by a painful lump. Luke embraced her.

“They’re still bonded Leia. The memories will come back, and Ben won’t go anywhere. He loves her. He loves _you_. He won’t walk away.”

\--

As she boarded the Falcon with Finn’s help, Rey noticed two young soldiers timidly waving at her. She waved back, remembering their names were Thane and Rika, and wishing she knew that because her memories were coming back, not because Finn had briefed her on their current mission.

She reached the main hold, settling on the soft bench behind the chess table. Kylo Ren – she refused to call him Ben, as the others did – crossed the room and sat on the floor. He glanced at her, and Rey immediately looked away, frowning.

While Poe and Chewie had been readying the Falcon for the journey back to D’qar, Finn had talked to her in the hospital room. He had explained that Kylo had changed, that he was proving every day where his loyalties lay. Rey had looked at her friend with an incredulous look on her face, finding it preposterous that Finn was actually defending Kylo Ren.

“He saved Poe’s life. He protected an entire department from a bomb, back at the base.”

“He killed Han! He killed countless innocent people! How could everyone - _how could_ _I_ \- forget about that?” she had asked, getting angry.

“We haven’t forgotten, Rey. But we believe in second chances. And, trust me, you have been the main reason he’s come back to the Light.”

At that, she had burst out laughing.

“I’d never get close to that monster without a lightsaber in my hands.”

Right then the man in question had knocked at the door, telling Finn that the Falcon was ready for take-off. Rey suspected he had heard her, because from that moment he had worn a look of utter dejection on his face. She couldn’t bring herself to feel sorry for him, though.

\--

Ben closed his eyes and tried to meditate. He couldn't bear the look of hatred in Rey’s eyes whenever she directed her gaze at him. He knew that the past few months of friendship had been a temporary, undeserved gift, and yet, now that it was over, he desperately wished he could go back in time.

He gently probed at the Force-bond. It was still there, but he didn’t venture beyond the link. He could feel that Rey’s guards were down, so he retreated. She didn’t know about it; Finn hadn’t told her yet, and Ben wouldn’t invade her mind.

He tried to centre himself, but he could feel her presence acutely and concentration eluded him. He kept his eyes closed though, certain that his inability to hide his emotions would give away his sadness.

A few minutes later, someone shook his shoulder and he blinked, watching Finn sit down beside him.

“She’s asleep,” he said. “I wanted to talk to you. How are you feeling?”

Ben looked at him in disbelief. “Rey has just lost her memories! Who cares about me?”

Finn frowned. “Well, I do. We all do.”

“Why?”

“Because people worry about their friends. Ben, you really need to understand that you’re no longer with the First Order. You don’t have to repress your feelings. We all actually want to know about them.”

Ben couldn’t do anything but nod, a lump in his throat.

“I’m… it was my fault. I feel…” he fell silent. His expression spoke volumes though.

“I won’t say ‘I told you so’, but… well, you did know we all thought it was a bad idea to shut Rey out! Dammit Ben, I know you feel terrible but you need to understand: you can’t treat her like that! Honestly, I’m sorry for you, I am, but you do deserve the way she’s treating you now! Man, don’t do that ever again to her. I mean it. And, Ben,” Finn watched him seriously, “if you still think you’re going on that suicide mission without an escape plan, I’ll punch you so hard you’ll lose _your_ memories! Rey cares about you, even though she doesn’t remember it now. Your death would destroy her–“

Ben shook his head.

“ _It would_! Look, you chose not to listen to anyone about your stupid decision, and it didn’t end well. Don’t you _dare_ ignore me now! Stop the damn pity party and earn back Rey’s trust, then we’ll figure out how to keep you alive! Okay?”

Ben nodded, speechless.

Finn patted his shoulder, then rose and headed to the cockpit to check on Poe.

\--

Slightly calmer, Ben successfully entered a meditative state for a few hours, until an anxious voice snapped him out of it.

“Ben! Ben! We need you in the cockpit, now!” Poe yelled, Chewie’s urgent growls stressing the seriousness of the situation. He got up, spared a quick glance at Rey, who was sleeping soundly all over Finn, and briskly walked down the corridor.

“What’s happening?” he asked the two pilots, taking the seat behind Chewie.

“We had to exit hyperdrive because of a minor issue with one of the engines. It’s nothing, Chewie’s already fixed it. The problem is…” Poe pointed at a monitor. “Three ships approaching. We’re still in Hutt Space… those are definitely pirates. Probably also spies of the First Order.”

“Alright, can we run and lose them?”

“No, the bastards were undetectable. They’re too close now. Listen: best case scenario, they get on board to rob us.”

Ben shook his head. “They can’t. We have Rey. We have the engineers. If these are spies…”

Chewie growled and huffed.

“Yeah, we have me, too.”

Poe went on. “Worst case scenario, and I really hope I’m wrong, they’re Gank killers.”

Ben’s expression darkened. “If they are, they’ll come to slaughter us. Do you want me to blow their engines up with the Force?”

Poe shook his head. “Tempting, but no. We don’t want to attract any attention, especially not with the Force. We have to think about something else, and quickly.”

\--

Ben lowered the hem of his hood again, trying to keep the upper half of his face covered in shadows. The pirates had sent a message and they would board soon. He had already checked on Thane and Rika, who had gagged the engineers, as they needed to be completely silent. Poe had decided they had to give the impression that their crew was limited to three people: Ben, Rey and Finn.

He glanced at Rey, who was lying down on a cot, and would pretend to have a fever. He was worried for her. She wasn’t feeling well enough for a fight and she had forgotten much of her training; but in a situation like that they couldn’t afford to hide the only other Force user, even though they had to do all they could to avoid using it. Gank killers were lethal though, and if things went south, the Force would be their only hope of defeating them.

 _It won’t come to that_ , Ben said to himself.

Finn appeared from one of the corridors, lowering with a huff a crate of Hydrogenated Smapp. The Resistance provided every ship with crates of food, to give anyone who chose to snoop around the impression of a poor merchant’s vessel. Hopefully the pirates would fall for it.

“How many left?” Ben asked.

“Just one” Finn answered, dabbing at the sweat on his forehead.

“Let me do it. You go to Rey. Don’t leave her side, no matter what happens.”

“Got it.”

“I can take care of myself” Rey spit, glaring at Ben.

“I know you can, but if your head starts hurting while you’re fighting, it could be a problem. But you won’t have to fight. It’s just a precaution.”

\--

Ben came back from the storage hold carrying the last crate. Passing through the corridor, he nodded at Chewie and Poe, hidden in the shadows, weapons at the ready.

When he reached the main hold, the pirates’ ship had aligned with the Falcon, and was arranging the skybridge. With a look at Finn and Rey, he moved towards the airlock, and in a few minutes it opened, allowing five individuals inside the Falcon.

Ben tensed, seeing they were, in fact, Gank killers. Their bodies and heads were fully covered in armour, and one on them, their leader probably, spoke in a low, gravelly voice: “State your name and purpose.”

“My name is Galen Osh. I’m a merchant, but right now we don’t have anything of value on board,” Ben said, as rehearsed.

“Show us your goods, and the rest of your crew.”

Nodding, Ben led the pirates towards the main hold.

“We trade in Hydrogenated Smapp. We only have a few crates left. There are two other people with me, but one on them is very sick. You don’t want to get too close, we fear it’s contagious.”

“We tell you what to do, not the other way around.”

Ben exhaled, resisting the temptation of punching the Gank.

When they got to the main hold, he saw that Finn was standing, partially shielding Rey’s body with his own.

Two of the pirates kneeled beside the crates and forced them open.

“Hydrogenated Smapp, Captain.”

The metallic head of the Gank leader turned slowly towards Ben. “You really are a sorry lot. That garbage isn’t worth the taking. We’ll kill you painfully for that.”

Ben’s jaw clenched, the tension increasing more and more, when one of the pirates exclaimed “Captain! Look at that!” while pointing at Rey. Ben froze.

The Gank leader approached her and gave her a long look.

Frantically, Ben did the only reasonable thing he could come up with in that moment.

_Rey? Can you hear me?_

The Gank leader said smugly, “You said you didn’t have anything of value.”

As much as the situation was absolutely crippling, Rey wasn’t paying attention to the pirate. She was looking at Ben, eyes wide open.

_Yes. What the–?_

“Hey, she’s sick, don’t get any closer!” Finn exclaimed. “I’m serious, she has the…um...”

“The Fronk’s fever” Ben supplied.

“Yeah, that! It’s highly contagious, and we’re all probably already sick too, you know! Do you even know how it works? Well…” Finn kept on babbling about all the horrible, completely made-up stages of the disease.

_Rey, we need the Force to fight them, but you have to help me._

_I don’t–_

_I know you don’t trust me, but it’s life or death here! Just allow me into your mind and let me guide you. Please… please._

Ben saw Rey frown, and then she nodded imperceptibly, just as the Gank leader interrupted Finn.

“ENOUGH! That girl’s coming with us. The Hutts will pay handsomely for her.”

At those words, Ben’s blood boiled with rage, and he almost growled.

“She’s not going anywhere.”

In a flash, the five pirates extracted their weapons and pointed them at Ben.

“I’d like to see you try and stop us.”

Ben smirked. “I won’t. But she will.”

The Gank snarled, and while one of the pirates turned his blaster towards Finn, another one grabbed Rey’s arm.

 _Now!_ Ben screamed at her mind.

She nodded and extended her free arm. A blast of Force hit the Gank in the chest, sending him crashing over the crates. Rey looked stunned.

Ben didn’t waste time, and with a wave of both his hands he froze the five pirates.

“Finally!” Finn exhaled, moving away from the Gank’s blaster trajectory.

“Yeah, I just did the one thing we agreed I shouldn’t do” Ben said, bitterly.

“They would have killed you all if you hadn’t,” said Poe, emerging with Chewie from the corridor.

The five of them turned to look at the motionless Gank killers. Finn voiced everyone’s question.

“Okay. Now what?”


	20. Chapter 20

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello guys! Sorry for the delay, I've had quite a lot of trouble with this chapter. I hope it doesn't suck, please leave some feedback so I can see what are your thoughts! Not much Ben/Rey interaction here, but next chapter will be bursting with Reylo feels ;) Happy reading! Xx

 Poe sighed.

“Now Ben does the Force thing,” he said.

“What Force thing?” Rey asked, intrigued.

“A mind trick. The same trick you did on Starkiller, when you convinced the Stormtroopers to set you free,” Ben answered her.

“ _That_ was the Force? And where did I learn that from?”

Ben looked at her, a shadow of a smile on his lips. “From me. When–”

“Oh, right. When you violated my mind to find the map,” Rey interrupted sharply.

Ben swallowed. “I’m sorry about that. About everything. For what it’s worth–”

“It isn’t worth _anything_ ,” she spat with contempt.

Ben’s shoulder sagged. “I know… I…”

“Okaaay,” Finn said, “We were saying? Ben, you do the mind trick, the Ganks leave the Falcon and we can go home.”

“There’s a problem with that,” Ben said, shaking his head. “I can’t perform a successful mind conditioning on five individuals, on top of keeping them frozen.”

“How come? I mean, you have the Force right? Just tell them to leave!”

“That’s not how the Force works!” Ben exclaimed, glancing away.

Finn followed his gaze, and a thought struck him.

“Poe, Chewie,” he said, “please, keep an eye on our frozen friends. I need to talk to Ben for a minute.”

\--

Finn dragged Ben away from the main hold, where they could talk freely.

“You have to get help from Rey. You two need to do the same thing you did on Naboo and at your trial. She can lend you her energy or whatever, so you can do the mind trick. You have to tell her about the Force-bond.”

“Well the thing is… I kind of already did. I talked to her, to her mind. That’s how we knocked out the first Gank.”

Finn blinked. “Oh. Good! So you can ask her to do that again!”

Ben shook his head. “She doesn’t know about the Force-bond. Finn, I felt her disgust and her sense of violation after I guided her against the Gank. It was very clear. I know that with Rey’s help I can get us out of this mess, I know it. But…” Ben’s look was distressed. “I don’t wish to upset her more than she already is, I don’t want her to feel like that again. I can’t ask that of her.”

“But you _have_ to tell her. She’ll be in shock, I think, maybe… but those ugly feelings will disappear once you explain that you didn’t create the bond, you didn’t want it to happen. It’s not your fault. And if she reacts that badly, then Chewie, Poe and I will talk to her and smooth things down.”

Ben pinched the bridge of his nose, a headache starting to form just above his eyes. “I don’t know…”

“Ben, are you absolutely sure that the only way we can survive this is with Rey’s help?”

“Yes.”

“Then she’ll understand. Come on, let’s go tell her.”

Ben sighed, then nodded and followed his friend back to the others.

\--

“WE HAVE A WHAT?” Rey was livid.

Finn gulped. “We were waiting to tell you because–”

“AND YOU ALL KNEW ABOUT IT!” she yelled, looking at the men in front of her. They each wore a guilty expression, except for Kylo Ren, who was looking at her with determination. She threw her arms in the air, exasperated, and then signalled him to continue his explanation.

“We have a Force-bond, created the moment you entered my mind on Starkiller. The Force built a mind connection, and with Luke's assistance we’ve been… we’ve been practicing. We have learned to do a lot of things with it.”

Rey narrowed her eyes, suspicious. “What kind of things?”

“Things like fighting in sync, increasing our power when our minds are linked, just like we did before with the Gank. We can convey feelings or sensations to each other. We can also visit each other when we’re apart, and–”

“How the hell did I agree to learn all of this _with you_?” Rey spat. She saw Kylo open his mouth to answer but she lifted her hand to stop him. “Know what? Right now I don’t care. If we need to use the Force-bond to send these Ganks on their way, let’s do it.”

They all sighed in relief. “Thank you.”

Rey nodded. “Tell me what to do.”

\--

Huffing, Rey watched the stars whizzing by. The Millennium Falcon was rushing towards D’qar, after leaving Hutt Space well behind.

It had been quite easy to get rid of the Gank Killers, once she had agreed to help Kylo Ren with her mind.

She still couldn’t believe they were bonded. She wondered, for the umpteenth time, why the old Rey had agreed to work with Kylo Ren on their connection. How had they started talking? How had she become friends with him – because it was clear that, if Kylo had managed to win Finn over, the whole friendship thing must have started with her. She just couldn’t fathom _how_.

She discreetly glanced at Kylo. He was still meditating. Rey knew that he was probably the only person who could give her a full report on what had happened between them, but she didn’t want to ask him. She didn’t want anything to do with him.

_For now, at least…_ she thought, worried. The Force-bond was a problem. It meant that, whether she liked it or not, she would have to interact with him on D’qar.

_I really hope I get my memories back soon._

A rush of calm and serenity washed over her. Rey let the feeling cradle her for a moment, before snapping out of it and turning towards Kylo.

“What are you doing? Get out of my head!”

He opened his eyes and looked at her, confused.

“What did I do?”

“You know what! I was worried and suddenly I felt calm and happy! Stop it, mind your own damn business!”

“I didn’t… I wasn’t…” he struggled to explain. “I didn’t do anything intentionally. I was meditating, I… I must have sensed your concern and sent some relief. I didn’t mean to invade your mind. It was an accident. I’m sorry.”

Rey huffed and turned around, leaving the main hold and heading for the cockpit. She was angry, mostly with herself, because every time the Force-bond was stimulated, she felt better. Stronger, calmer, sharper. And that irked her to no end. When Kylo Ren had guided her mind and instructed her on how to keep the Ganks frozen, she had felt amazing and powerful and in control. And when he had used the Force to make them forget all about their encounter, she had felt it, warm and electric, flowing from their minds and moulding the enemies’ thoughts. She had wanted more. She still wanted more, but… Kylo.

\--

A day and a half later the Falcon arrived on D’qar. Leia and Luke waited for its crew in front of the boarding ramp, flanked by a dozen soldiers who immediately took the engineers away.

Rey disembarked with some apprehension. She had chosen to go last, hand in hand with Finn, biting nervously her lower lip, but the welcome she got was comforting. General Organa hugged her with a familiarity that Rey didn’t remember achieving, and it filled her with warmth. When Leia released her, her brother walked up to her and said, “Hello Rey. I’m Luke Skywalker, and even if you don’t remember it, you’ve been my apprentice for quite some time. But don’t worry, I will help you with your memories”.

“Can you help getting them back?” she asked, animated.

“I can. You’ll have to work hard, alright?”

Rey nodded. She was willing to do anything for the opportunity to fill the blanks in her mind.

“Come, Rey, you must be tired. I’ll show you your quarters,” Leia said, guiding her away with a gentle hand on her back.

Rey turned to look at Finn, who was standing beside Luke and Kylo, and he understood her glance, smiling encouragingly and mouthing ‘s _ee you later_ ’.

\--

After everyone else cleared out, Ben and Luke stayed behind. Ben sat on the still lowered ramp of the Falcon, arms on his knees, deep in thought.

“What happened exactly?” his uncle asked.

“She shut me out as soon as the fight ended. One of the Stormtroopers had stayed behind though, hiding, and I saw him too late. When he came out he shot at Rey’s back, and without the connection she didn’t see it, and I couldn’t warn her in time. She hit her head on a rock. she lost her memories but she could have died! It’s all my fault. I don’t blame her for wanting to keep the connection with me as brief as possible. I’ve been so fucking horrible to her.” Ben lowered his head in shame.

Luke sat beside his nephew. “Ben, people make mistakes. The Force knows how many I did. Now you know you have wronged Rey, but you have also learned a very important lesson, and you’ll never repeat this mistake again. From now on, you need to focus on the present: Rey is alive and well, her memory will come back, and you can work on fixing things.”

“But…”

“Ben, I know you. I know you’ll blame yourself and you’ll carry this burden with you forever, but that’s not the right way to react. Keeping all inside brings forth pain, anger and self-hatred, and ultimately…”

“The Dark side,” Ben completed softly. He sighed. “I understand. Thank you, uncle.”

Luke reached out a hand and squeezed Ben’s shoulder, feeling a sudden wave of nostalgia for Han and for much simpler and happier times.

\--

“Thank you Leia, for… for everything,” Rey said, sitting down on her bed. When she had stepped in with the General, she hadn’t recognized her room. She had looked around for a bit, to see if something could trigger her memory. She had spotted some elements that looked familiar and that could definitely belong to her, like a potted plant on her nightstand, a small pile of scrap metal on the little table in the corner, a pristine orange pilot suit in the closet. But nothing had brought forth a memory.

“Of course Rey. I’m here for you if you need anything.”

“Actually there’s… something I wanted to talk to you about, if that’s all right.”

Leia smiled and sat next to Rey.

“I’m listening.”

Rey looked down at her intertwined hands. “I just… the fact that I don’t remember anything… I mean, I’ve been here on D’qar for half an hour and I already feel under so much pressure, I’m not sure I can handle it. While we were walking to this room I’ve felt everyone’s eyes on me. I could see people pointing and whispering to each other. And I’m Luke Skywalker’s apprentice! I don’t kn– I don’t remember anything about the Force, about how to use it. I know myself, I am strong, but it’s so… disorienting. I fear this memory loss might turn me into the biggest joke. I don’t want to fail but right now–”

“Hey, no, stop this,” Leia interrupted her gently. “I understand how you feel. I do. I’ve found myself in your situation many times in the past. Of course, I can’t say I’ve ever experienced memory loss, but I know how it’s like when everyone has high expectations of you, and I’m very familiar with the… ghost of failure. Rey, you don’t have to worry about it: this situation is only temporary, and in the remote chance that it’s permanent, you’re not alone: you’re surrounded by people who love you and will make sure you’re ready to face anything. More importantly, you have yourself: don’t you ever doubt your strength, your intelligence and your bravery.”

Rey’s eyes filled with tears. She smiled at Leia, touched by her words.

“No one… no one has ever said something like that to me before.” She swallowed past the lump in her throat. “Thank you.”

Leia chuckled. “I’m sure someone has, darling, even if you can’t remember it now.”

Rey looked at her, puzzled. “Who…”

The General shook her head, smiling. “Never mind. Try to rest now, all right? I’ll send someone to call you for dinner, in a couple of hours.” She stood up, leaning forward to kiss Rey’s forehead. “I’ll see you soon.”


	21. Chapter 21

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys!! Thank you for all the kudos and reviews, I'm glad you liked last chapter! I like this new one very much, I loved writing it, so I hope you enjoy it too! Please let me know what you think in the comments, your opinions are precious to me! Happy reading! Xx

The morning after her arrival on D’qar, Rey dutifully followed Luke’s advice to go to the training centre, in order to reacquaint herself with her brand new saberstaff. It was an alluring weapon, but Rey found it extremely intimidating. On the one hand, she felt very proud of herself because of the level she had reached after undergoing Luke Skywalker’s training. On the other hand… she was still feeling the expectations of all the Resistance members. She had defeated Kylo Ren, yes, but she didn’t doubt that she had also been very lucky. She had no idea how to respond to the admiring stares people threw her way. She sighed, recalling Leia’s words. _I hope she’s right about me_.

After an hour or so, Luke joined her in the training centre; he switched on his own lightsaber and showed Rey some basic combat moves. Rey was surprised to discover that after a few minutes her muscle memory kicked in, and she was able to hold her own against the Jedi Master.

“Very good Rey. I think that’s enough for today. Now, take a break, eat something and join me outside hangar 12 in an hour. We’ll go to the forest and I’ll show you how to meditate.”

“And that will help with my…”

“Yes. Meditation will be the first step in getting your memory back.”

“Thank you, Luke.”

“Anything for my favourite student,” he replied, smiling.

\--

Ben had gotten back to his job in the Reconnaissance Department. He hoped that throwing himself into work would take his mind off things for a while, so he decided to skip lunch, while everyone else headed for the mess hall.

Someone knocked, and when the door opened, Luke entered carrying a tray with some food for the both of them.

“Thank you, uncle,” Ben said, biting into a corellian apple.

“How’s work? Any news from our spies on Elbara?”

“Not yet. The engineers are expected the day after tomorrow. Until then, things will probably be quiet.”

“How long do you think it will take them to realize something is wrong, to investigate and to send another team of engineers?”

“Less than a week, I believe. The Order is a machine: if one cog doesn’t work in full capacity, it can’t function properly. They’ll notice something’s not right the second they realize the engineers’ ship has fallen behind schedule. Lateness isn’t tolerated, so they’ll make inquiries right away.”

“Right. You need to tell this to the Head of the Department, because we’re leaving tomorrow.”

“Leaving? Where to? And who’s _we_?” Ben asked, bewildered.

“You and I are going away for a while. We’ll come back in five days, a week tops.”

“Does mother…”

“Yes, she knows. Rey doesn’t, though, and I think you should tell her.”

Ben shook his head, sadly. “Why? She doesn’t care whether I’m here or not.”

“You said you’d fix things,” his uncle reminded him. “You should start by talking to her.”

“Wouldn’t… wouldn’t it be better to wait until she remembers me? Every time I speak to her… I know she’d rather be miles away from me. It shows on her face, clear as day. I shouldn’t… impose myself on her.”

“If you stay away from her now, what do you expect she’ll think of you once she regains her memories? It will look like you didn’t bother to make an effort when things were difficult. You need to start fixing things _now_.”

Ben flinched at these words.

“I’m sorry, Ben, I know this situation is hard for you. But if you want to have Rey back, you need to overcome your fears of rejection and do something. Don’t be afraid.”

“Alright,” Ben exhaled. “Alright.”

\--

Rey understood why Luke had chosen the forest to start teaching her meditation. The shade of the trees was cool and quiet, and had a calming effect on her. She sat down next to the Jedi, inhaling the damp, earthy scent of the ground. She could feel the vibrant canopy of leaves above her, and the imposing presence of the ancient roots deep under her. She loved the sensation. She wondered how she could feel all that, as she wasn’t doing anything consciously.

Rey closed her eyes and tried to empty her mind of all thoughts, looking for a way to lose her sense of physicality and enter a level of pure spirit. She suddenly perceived a flare of golden light next to her, and she was so surprised that she lost her concentration and gasped, opening her eyes.

“That was me, Rey. You’ve felt my presence in your mind. That’s very good. It took you a few weeks to manage that, back on Ahch-To,” Luke told her, smiling widely with his eyes still closed.

“Why are you smiling? What do you think it means?”

“It means that your mind remembers. Your memories aren’t gone, they’re just hidden below the surface. You’ll retrieve them easily enough.”

“Good,” Rey closed her eyes again. “Guide me, Master.”

\--

That evening Ben got to the mess hall determined to find Rey, so that he could tell her he would shortly leave with Luke. After looking around for a bit, he spotted the back of her head, and saw that she was sitting with Finn and Poe. Immediately, before his rational mind could make him run in the other direction, he started walking towards them, his step brisk and his fists clenched for the tension.

He had almost reached the table when Finn looked up and saw him, and he whispered something to Rey. Her reaction made Ben stop dead in his tracks. She visibly groaned, taking her head in her hands.

“Not him again. Not now. I’m nauseous and my head hurts. The last thing I need right now is that… that monster trying to convince me that he’s my friend!” she hissed.

Ben was close enough that he could hear everything. He could tell Finn and Poe were crestfallen on his behalf. They were looking at him with pity in their eyes. Rey, completely unaware, had banged her forehead against the table. Ben really didn’t blame her, but he had felt every word like a stab through his chest, so he turned away brusquely.

_I can’t do this right now._

He walked out of the mess hall without a word, his heart heavy.

\--

Rey had gone to her room right after dinner. She was still feeling nauseous, and her head felt like it would soon explode. Luke had warned her that meditating too long would probably cause her some trouble, since she had suffered a nasty blow to the head, but she had been so anxious to have her memories back that she hadn’t listened. Now she was beginning to regret her eagerness.

While she took a shower, she tried to distract herself thinking about a possible explanation for Finn and Poe’s sudden mood change in the middle of dinner. They had gotten gloomy and dispirited, and they had finished their food in almost complete silence. They had hugged her before parting, but with sad smiles on their faces.

Rey folded her clothes and prepared for bed, still thinking about her friends.

_I wonder what– oh no…_

She felt another wave of nausea hit her, and she ran to the fresher to empty her stomach. After throwing up, she rinsed her mouth and splashed cool water on her face, then collapsed on the bed and closed her eyes.

Sleep didn’t come easily to her. She kept seeing random flashes of light and colour in her mind, and after a while she realised it was a memory trying to come back to her. The flashes grew longer and more detailed, and at last, some images appeared in her mind’s eye.

Rey saw the Falcon’s med bay. Kylo Ren was on one of the beds, his chest heavily bandaged. She abruptly found herself sitting very close to him. Their fingers entwined.

_What’s happening?_ she screamed in her mind. She wanted to get away, but her body wasn’t obeying.

Kylo Ren touched her cheek, and she… she…  Rey felt herself blush. _What am I doing??_ Then his lips were on hers, and they were kissing, and biting, and moaning, and grinding against each other and…

Rey woke up with a scream.

_What the…_

Shaking her head disbelievingly, she walked towards the fresher, looking at herself in the mirror. Her face was embarrassingly flushed.

Rey tried to shake off the remnants of her memory, but it kept coming back, and he was touching, and she was panting, and he was growling, and the pleasure was…

Fury mounted inside her. Pure, unadulterated rage coursed through her veins, and in one smooth move she opened her door and marched straight to Kylo Ren’s room.

She barged in without even knocking. The door burst open and Rey paused. Kylo was meditating in the middle of the room, shirtless. She suddenly wished she had put on something before coming to him in just her panties and a t-shirt.

He jumped on his feet when she entered.

“Hello Rey,” he greeted her.

She narrowed her eyes. “Why the hell didn’t you tell me?”

“Why the hell didn’t I tell you what, exactly?”

“That we… that…” Rey flushed. “That there’s been… something… between us.”

“Oh. I figured you wouldn’t… be happy about it. Or rather, you wouldn’t have believed me.”

“This is my life,” she said, her voice dangerously calm. “You can’t hide things like that from me.”

“But you hate me! Can you truly blame me for not telling you?”

“YES I CAN!” Rey exploded. She walked to him, lifting her head to look at him straight in the eye. “KNOWING IT FROM YOU WOULD HAVE BEEN A HELL OF A LOT BETTER THAN SEEING THE THINGS I’VE SEEN IN MY HEAD!”

Rey was so angry that she pushed Kylo’s chest with all her strength, causing him to stumble back. He instinctively grabbed her forearms, Rey struggled to free herself from his grip and they both fell down.

Rey found herself trapped under Kylo Ren’s body, and in her fury she started thrashing, hitting every part of him she could reach with her fists.

“Stop it, Rey! Don’t– stop it, please!”

He caught her wrists and pinned them over her head, looking at her half in anger, half in wonder.

“I hate you!” she yelled at him, panting and arching her back. She gasped then, feeling his erection pressing against her groin. He thrust his hips against her and they both moaned at the friction.

“Yeah,” he whispered. “Right now I hate you too.”

Everything around them stilled, then suddenly something clicked and they both surged towards each other, meeting halfway in a crushing kiss. The dance of their slick lips and tongues sent shivers down Rey’s spine and she felt herself throbbing with arousal. She whined, struggling, and Kylo understood. He let go of her hands, so she could run them through his inky hair. Marvelling at its softness, she tugged forcefully at it, and Kylo gave a groan of pleasure that made her wet herself.

Breaking the kiss, he gave her a look so intense that her stomach clenched and her back arched, so that her sensitive nipples rubbed against his warm chest. He kissed her neck and her throat, while his hands caressed her naked thighs, going up, and up, until he hooked one finger on the waistband of her underwear, tugging it down slightly.

Rey moaned, eager to feel his skilled fingers getting soaked and stroke and pleasure her. Instead, Kylo’s hands climbed back up her body, caressing her sensually on her stomach, parting to cover her ribs, then gently grabbing her breasts and grazing her hardened nipples, then going up to her throat and squeezing lightly.

Rey looked at him, dazed, but she immediately sobered up when she saw a malicious glint in his eyes. Her body stiffened and he squeezed her throat a little harder.

“What are you doing?” she rasped. “S-stop.”

“You were right about me,” he whispered, squeezing the breath out of her. “I’m still Kylo Ren. You’re the only one who saw right through me, my beautiful little scavenger, my Rey… my Rey… Rey… Rey…”

“….Rey! REY! Open the door! Please Rey, open the door!”

Rey jumped up on her bed, heaving. At once, her hands flew to her throat, and she instinctively coughed a few times. Her heart was beating wildly, but after a few seconds of shocked bewilderment, she realised that someone was banging on her door, calling her name repeatedly.

“Who’s… who’s there?” she called.

“It’s Ben. Please open the door!”

Recognizing that voice, Rey’s blood turned to ice in her veins.


	22. Chapter 22

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi guys! I wanted to tell you two things: 1- I don't know if you have noticed, but since Rey lost her memories I've been using both the names of Ben and Kylo... it's not random, I use Kylo when I'm writing from Rey's perspective, and I use Ben when I'm writing from any other point of view. I'm telling you this now because it has just occurred to me that it might be slightly confusing, but I hope not! :D 2 - I'm overwhelmed by your comments and kudos! Thank you, from the bottom of my heart!! Enjoy this new chapter and tell me what you think in the comments! Till next time, Xx

Rey sat up, chilled to the bone. She removed the blanket from her bed and wrapped herself up in it.

“What do you want? Go away!”

“Please Rey, don’t… don’t send me away. I know you had a nightmare.”

Rey walked to the door, stopping in front of it.

“So what? Nightmares happen.”

On the other side, Ben sighed. He gently leaned his head on the door.

“Yes, they do. But I know this one was– the terror you felt was so strong it woke me up. I ran straight here. Please…”

“It’s none of your business. I had a nightmare, now it’s gone. Go away!” Rey repeated.

“I know you don’t believe I’m your friend but _I am_ , and… I can help you.”

“Yeah,” she scoffed. “Help me _how_ , exactly?”

“I could meditate with you, I could help you ease your mind, help you defeat your fears!”

“I have no intention of letting you anywhere near me.”

Ben sat down, his back against the door.

“I don’t need to be in there with you. I won’t even use the bond. You just have to listen to me.”

Ben didn’t hear anything for a few minutes, and he was almost convinced that Rey wouldn’t talk to him anymore, when he heard her sigh.

“Ok. Help me, then.”

She sat down, unknowingly mirroring his position on the other side.

Ben took a deep breath.

“Close your eyes and empty your mind. I’m going to ask you a few questions. Tell me when you’re ready to start.”

Rey did as she was told.

“I’m ready.”

“What was your dream about?”

“I’m not going to tell you that!”

He paused. “Why not?”

“Because…” Rey blushed. “Because it’s none of your business!”

Ben was surprised but carried on. “Alright… so, try to picture what happened the moment just before you felt the most vulnerable, the most afraid.”

Instantly, Rey saw Kylo’s hands on her body, climbing up towards her throat, right before they started to squeeze.

“Done. Now what?”

“Now, imagine yourself right there, with the source of your fear. You are strong, you have your weapon, you’re untouchable.”

Rey could see it like a holovid playing before her eyes: there was one Rey lying down, Kylo on top of her, his hands against her throat, and there was another version of Rey standing behind Kylo, dressed like a Jedi, saberstaff in hand. This Rey didn’t know fear.

“And now?” she whispered.

“Now you attack the source of your fear,” Kylo said.

In a flash, she saw herself raising her arm, activating the saberstaff and slashing Kylo Ren’s back with it.

A terrible scream ripped the silence of the night. Rey was brutally thrown out of her meditative state and she realised that the scream had come from Kylo’s mouth, the actual Kylo, the one outside her room.

Terrified, she jumped up and opened the door. His body crumpled to the floor.

_Oh gods, what happened?_

His forehead was covered in beads of sweat. Rey could see that he was stifling a cry of pain.

“My… my back…” he stammered.

She helped him sit up, and he frantically tried to get rid of his black shirt, but he couldn’t do it because he was trembling too much. Rey helped him, and when she finally uncovered his back, she let out a horrified gasp: a long bleeding wound had appeared across his back, shoulder to side.

 _Did I do this?_ Rey wondered, shaken. She took a step back. A sudden vision of an unconscious Kylo, kneeling in front of her, arms spread open, each wrist tied to a pole, appeared in her mind.

_What the…_

“I’m going to call someone, stay here!” she exclaimed.

Ben managed to grab her wrist before she could walk away.

“Please don’t. Don’t call anyone. I’ve been in the infirmary more times than I can count,” he panted.

“But you’re hurt! You’re bleeding! You can’t just leave that wound there without having it checked!”

“I’ve been worse. It will heal. I’ll do it with the Force.”

Rey paused, looking at him with curiosity.

“What do you mean, you’ll heal it with the Force?”

Ben sighed. “It’s another thing we can do.”

“Can _I_ do it?” Rey asked.

He grimaced. “Yes, you learnt how to do it all by yourself.”

“How?”

“You sure you want to know? That story is about me as well.”

Rey bit her lower lip, but nodded. Ben started to talk.

“Some time ago General Hux put a Force-suppressing collar on me and tortured me for three days straight. He saved the whipping for last.”

_I saw that. The torture. He was tortured by his own people._

“Eventually I passed out, and that’s when you found me, Rey.”

“I found you?” she asked, surprised.

“Well, you weren’t there with your body, not exactly. You projected yourself next to me with the Force, from Ahch-To. You and Luke had been… worried about me. We were training together, at the time.”

Rey listened in silence, fascinated.

“When they dragged me to my cell you were desperate to stop the bleeding, to fix my wounds. You even managed to touch me, something we had never achieved before and then… you did it. You knit my wounds back together, making the Force flow through your fingertips and onto my skin.”

“How do you know all this if you were unconscious?” Rey asked, frowning.

“You told me everything. I woke up some time later and you stayed with me all night.” Ben sighed.

Rey had another sudden vision, although it wasn’t as clear as the one of Kylo chained to the poles. This time a series of images and emotions flashed in her mind, so quickly she could barely recognise them: black hair, soft to the touch; glowing, healing fingertips, gliding over feverish skin, bleeding skin; a worry so deep it turned to fear, it turned to hate, and longing, longing so strong her heart was breaking; and a name, an old name that was also a new name, a very important name, the most important name, the name B–

“Rey! _Rey_!” he called her.

She snapped out of it. “W– what is it?

“You’re crying.”

She touched her cheeks, and found them damp with tears. She recovered quickly, unwilling to talk about her vision.

“Your fault, I guess. Keep those emotions in check.”

Ben flushed, realising his feelings had indeed eluded his control. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to… I know you hate it when it happens, I’ll do better.”

She watched his face for a long moment, then she cleared her throat and said, “Well, as you won’t go to the infirmary, _I_ will try to heal you.”

He swallowed. “Are you sure?”

“I’m sure.”

“But… you hate me.”

Rey sighed.

“Honestly? I really have no idea how I feel about you.”

A corner of Ben’s mouth lifted. “I can work with that.”

“Don’t get the wrong idea. I still don’t like you.”

\--

If someone had told Rey that she would end up sitting a few inches from Kylo Ren’s shirtless back, she would have laughed and then punched them in the face.

But there she was.

Kylo had climbed on her bed with her help, and now she was facing the vast expanse of skin and muscle, ripped apart by the long wound that, Rey suspected, she had inflicted him in her dream-like state.

“So, what do I do?” she asked.

“I can explain how _I_ heal, but your technique might be different. Just let your instinct guide you if my instructions don’t work.”

“Alright, I’m ready.”

“Imagine my skin as something whole and unbroken. Then visualise the edges of the wound. Think that my skin must return to its original state.”

Rey could see in her mind’s eye Kylo’s skin mend itself. She felt her fingertips tingle.

“Now,” he continued.

“Wait!” Rey interrupted. “I think I can manage on my own.”

She hovered her hands on the wound, willing the skin to become whole again. The Force flowed gently in her hands, warm and soothing.

She heard the relieved exhale Kylo made as soon as he realised his back was healing. The corner of her mouth lifted. She felt a certain pride watching the wound beginning to close itself.

“Better?” she asked.

“Much better. Thank you, Rey.” He turned to look at her in the eyes.

“What are you doing, I’m not finished yet! Turn back around,” she told him severely, pushing his shoulder lightly.

“Yes ma’am,” he answered.

“Stay still,” she ordered, but Ben could hear a reluctant smile in her voice. A shy, tentative feeling of hope started blooming in his chest.

A few minutes later Rey finished her work, looking at Kylo’s back with extreme satisfaction. No scar, no redness, just pale, unblemished skin, dotted with so many small moles that Rey thought of stars and galaxies. Automatically, her hand reached out and touched the top of his spine, gliding down slowly and coming back up, tracing imaginary constellations.

Ben shuddered and held his breath; he closed his eyes, savouring the cool feeling of her touch.

“Rey?” he whispered.

Her hand stopped.

“I…”

He felt her move, as if readying herself to get away from him, so he turned and gently grabbed her hand. She was watching him with a hesitant look.

“I wish you would remember me,” Ben sighed, smiling sadly. He lifted one hand, about to caress her cheek, but then he stopped and lowered it. “I miss you so much.”

Then he abruptly got up, picked up his ruined shirt and walked to the door. Rey didn’t look at him, for fear that he would notice her expression. When his hand had moved closer to her, she had suddenly remembered Kylo behind bars, his face inches from hers, and a kiss that hid a myriad of unspoken things. That new vision had left her in shock, more than her dream, more than the memory of them in the Falcon’s med bay. The feelings carried in that kiss… she couldn’t believe it. She shook her head slightly, noticing that he was talking to her.

“Rey I… I’m leaving with Luke first thing in the morning.”

At those words, she finally looked at him.

“Leave? Where are you going? And when–” she bit her lower lip.

“We’ll stay away for five days, a week tops.”

Ben opened the door.

“Goodbye Rey. Thanks for healing my back.”

“K– Kylo, I…”

“My name is Ben, Rey,” he said, kindly.

“Right… Anyway, when you come back, we’ll… we’ll talk.”

He nodded. “As you wish.”

With a last parting glance, Ben walked out and closed Rey’s door behind him.

\--

Rey slept in the day after, and when she rushed out of her room towards the mess hall hoping to grab a bit of breakfast, she crashed against General Organa herself.

“Oh, I’m so sorry, are you hurt?” she asked the older woman.

“I’m fine, Rey, I’m tougher than I look. I’m glad you found me. I was coming to your room, actually.”

“To my room? Why?” Rey asked, curious.

“Well, as you know, my brother and Ben left D’qar for a few days. Luke and I agreed that you would assist me in my job here on the base, for the time being.”

Rey’s eyebrows lifted. “Really?”

Leia smiled. “Really. Oh, and you will continue with your meditation exercises. You still have to get your memories back, right?”

“Yes. By the way…” Rey hesitated, and Leia looked at her with curiosity. “Something strange happened last night.

She told the General about the wound appearing on Kylo’s back.

“Did I do it?” she asked.

Leia sighed.

“I’m not an expert on the Force like my brother is, Rey… but it’s clear to me that meditating with Ben has a stronger effect on your mind than meditating alone. You are connected. The vision you had, of you slashing at him, was Force-induced. So yes, I think you caused that wound.”

Leia observed Rey’s crestfallen expression, and hastened to add, “You didn’t do it on purpose, darling, that much is clear. And Ben undoubtedly knows it.”

Rey shook her head, “Yeah, well, I’m not so sure… I didn’t mean to hurt him like that, but I’ve been treating him like–”

“An enemy,” Leia intervened. “Rey, you’ve lost your memories of him. All you remember is the man who kidnapped you, killed Han and hurt Finn. I’ve talked to my son.”

Rey looked at her sharply.

“Ben doesn’t blame you. He knows why you’ve been keeping your distance.”

“But last night I… I don’t know, I felt something, I… I’ve also been having visions, memories, dreams… I’m so confused. Part of my brain tells me not to trust him, another part is trying to make me see something, something I’ve forgotten. I don’t know what to do.”

Leia took one of Rey’s hands and squeezed it.

“What does your instinct say? What is the Force telling you?”

“That I need to fill the blanks. There’s too much I still don’t know. I want to remember as much as possible before he gets back. Will you help me meditate?” Rey asked.

Leia smiled. “Of course, child.”


	23. Chapter 23

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi guys! I know, I know, it's been a while! I'm sorry, my muse is a fickle thing ;) Hope you're still following my story...we're slowly heading towards the end, only a few chapters left!! Enjoy the new one and let me know what you think about it! Happy reading Xx

_“I really don’t–” CRACK! Hux’s brass knuckles collided with Kylo’s ribcage._

_“…understand why–” CRACK! A second blow in the same spot most definitely fractured his bones._

_“…the Supreme Leader wants me to–” CRACK! “…beat you bloody.”_

_\--_

_CRACK! The whip hit Kylo’s back for the twentieth time, blood oozing out of a new wound. Kylo stifled a cry of agony, and a malicious voice laughed long and hard at him._

_CRACK! By the fiftieth hit, Kylo had mercifully passed out from the pain, his body dangling pitifully, knees slipping on the wet, crimson floor._

_\--_

_“You have killed your father, the man who raised you… what must have occurred in his mind, I wonder, when he realised you had just pierced his heart with your lightsaber? I bet he cursed the day you were born. I bet he screamed at your mother to find you and kill you. Instead, now I’m going to find your mother, and I’m going to kill her in front of you, slowly, with pain, and I’ll make sure she knows it’s your fault! And after that I'll find your pathetic uncle, and I'll tear him apart, limb from limb! And you know why? Because you’ve been a huge disappointment. You have been a disappointment to the Dark Side, and you’ve even been a disappointment to the Light Side, you're completely useless, you’re just filth, you deserve to die, you’re nothing but a PARASITE!”_

_\--_

Rey woke up screaming, the terror she felt making her shiver violently. She was so upset she couldn’t breathe, her cheeks wet with tears, a painful lump constricting her throat.

_Oh gods, what did they do to him? To us? To me?_

She started sobbing, hugging herself with her arms, feeling such deep sorrow it dulled everything else. The painful memories she had just dreamed had been about Kylo, but she felt every cut, every broken bone, every verbal and psychological abuse directed at her. She had no idea how long she had been crying when she heard a voice in her head. She immediately understood it was the Force-bond.

_Rey? Are you there? Talk to me._

Rey almost sagged in relief.

_Are we safe? ARE WE SAFE??_

_Hey, calm down, Rey… just–_

_Just tell me, are we safe?_

_Yes, we’re safe. We’re safe. What…?_

Rey could hear Kylo’s confusion, even in his thoughts.

_I just, I… didn’t you see what I was dreaming about?_

_No, I’ve been… I’ve been meditating. I’m sorry, Luke told me to focus on… something._

Had she not been scared out of her mind, she would have asked out of curiosity. But she didn’t, too terrified and shocked to care about Luke’s mysterious requests.

_What did you dream about?_

_It was more a memory than a dream… It was so horrible…_

_Horrible? You just had a memory back! You should be happy!_

_Look for yourself._

Rey sent him the terrible images that still haunted her mind. After a while she perceived a mixture of rage and sorrow coming from Kylo.

_Oh Rey. I’m so sorry you had to see that. Those are my memories_.

_What did they do to you?_ she asked, softly.

_I betrayed the Dark Side. They treated me like a traitor._

_Oh._

Ben could feel that Rey was extremely confused and upset, so he tried to reassure her.

_Listen. As soon as we get back we’ll have a long chat, ok? In the meantime don’t be afraid. You’re safe._

_Alright. Thank you._

_You’re welcome._

_Kylo?_

_It's B- never mind. Yes?_

_That voice… the voice that told you those awful things. Was that…?_

_Snoke. Yeah. His favourite way of torturing me was to break my mind, rather than my body._

_I… I’m sorry he said those things to you. Truly._

_Oh. Thank you… Thank you Rey._

Ben went back to meditating with more than a little spark of hope in his heart: the sparks had lightened a tentative, but very bright flame.

\--

Ben’s meditation was lasting longer than expected. Luke had been convinced that, with everything that was going on with Rey’s memory, his nephew would have some trouble focusing and would be distracted enough to cut short his task. Instead, he had been unflinchingly calm and centred for the past day and a half.

The Jedi smiled. He was pleased to ascertain that Ben had been able to take the negative energy of all his worries and put it to good use. He had detected only a slight anomaly the previous night, and he had wondered about it, but it had disappeared pretty quickly, so the process hadn’t been interrupted.

He observed Ben’s pale face, made even more ashen by the faint glow of the crystals. With his deep frown of concentration, he bore a striking resemblance to Han.

_You would be proud of him now, my friend. And it’s all thanks to you._

\--

Life in the Command Centre, side by side with Leia, was way more frantic than life as a simple mechanic. Long hours, long meetings, constant worrying, unexpected problems at any time, spy reports… Rey loved it. She assisted the General in everything, learning a great deal not only about the war against the First Orders, but also about politics, diplomacy and the way women could wield their power and cunning. Rey already knew that Leia was a formidable woman, but she witnessed that fact every day.

The two women were always busy, but they determinedly saved an hour or two every evening after dinner to meditate together. Thanks to these sessions, now Rey experienced flashes and visions every night.

After her initial panic – she didn’t regret reaching out to Kylo, but she wished she hadn’t lost control like that – she was now able to detach her emotions from what she was seeing in her visions, so that she could observe carefully, and then, once she woke up, calmly recollect and examine everything.

Sometimes her memories came back to her, sometimes she watched Kylo’s. She wondered if he had realised – wherever he was – that every other night part of his mind trickled into hers.

\--

_“Rey… what… are you really here?” Kylo’s tone was full of wonder, but also unsure, careful, as though he didn’t want to risk deluding himself. Rey’s heart broke a little._

_“I’m really here, yeah. How does your back feel? I tried to heal it but I don’t think I did a good job,” she told him._

_Kylo shifted experimentally, and winced. “It hurts, but it feels much better than I remember it.” He exhaled. “You shouldn’t have bothered. You need to save your strength”_

_Rey smiled faintly. “Save my strength, for what? You’re here… there’s no point in training without you.”_

_Kylo snorted, amused. “Right. You only need me for training.”_

_“Well, of course. What else did you expect?” But there was a warm smile in her voice, and Kylo could feel it clearly._

_“Why did you come, Rey? You know exactly what happens to me when I’m stuck here.”_

_“You stayed away for three days.”_

_“You must really miss training,” he said, his lips curling upwards._

_Chuckling, Rey took his hand. “You never reached out to me, Luke and I… we were worried for you.”_

_Kylo Ren smiled at her. He actually smiled, and Rey’s heart swelled at the sweetness of it. She gave a sharp intake of breath, instinctively brushing his forehead, and she entangled her fingers gently in his dark locks. “Go to sleep, Ben.”_

_They both froze. Rey’s heart started beating fast, reacting to the intense, almost feverish gaze Kylo fixed on her. Calling him Ben when he had smiled had been so genuine, had felt so right… but he clearly disagreed, because his face darkened, his gaze lost in the memory of the last time someone had called him like that. Rey felt something like a fist squeezing her heart without mercy. Han Solo had called him Ben, not a long time ago._

_A single tear rolled off his cheek, then he spoke: “I am not Ben anymore. Ben’s gone.”_

_Rey sighed, pensive. “You know, I wouldn’t be so sure." She smiled at him, her eyes glistening. "Rest, now.”_

\--

That morning Rey woke up with a smile. The memory had come back to her unexpectedly, and it had been long, and detailed, and had explained so much. And most of all, it had convinced her to start calling Kylo with his real name, at least in her head.

Although she still refused to think about the kiss she had seen in her vision the night before his departure – the thought confused and paralysed her, so for the time being she had confined it to a remote corner of her mind – a sweet sort of tenderness was slowly creeping in Rey’s heart. The more she remembered, the more she believed that everything her friends and Ben himself had told her about him was true.

She believed that he had rejected the Dark Side and betrayed the First Order, risking his life to spy on them. She believed that he had saved Poe’s life, and that he had become her friend.

She was also beginning to understand why, when she had hit her head, her subconscious had erased everything about Kylo turning into Ben. She had started to put the pieces together: there had been a time – whose details were still foggy and unclear – when Ben, her supposed friend, had completely cut her off from his life.

Knowing herself, Rey was sure she had not reacted well. Abandonment was an extremely sore subject for her. If Ben had been her friend, she would have regarded his rejection as something unforgivable. Maybe she had distanced herself from him as well.

There was extreme confusion regarding this matter in Rey’s mind: still, she refused to ask. She knew that Finn and Poe would gladly tell her everything, but she also knew that the best thing for her was to discover it all on her own, or even better, actually _remembering_ it.

\--

Two days later, Rey and Finn abruptly interrupted their lunch to rush towards the Command Centre, their hearts in their throats and their stomachs in knots. An urgent summon from Leia had come for them both. It could have been anything, but Poe was away on a mission, Luke and Ben weren’t back yet, and their world was at war: bad news tended to arrive at the most unexpected of times.

When they reached Leia and the other Councillors, Rey and Finn noticed they all wore concerned expressions: a low murmur permeated the room, and the two friends grabbed each other’s hand, squeezing them in comfort.

“Now that we’re all here,” the General began, “our spies have something important to tell us.” She gestured to someone behind her, and Poe emerged from the shadows followed by BB8. Rey distinctly heard Finn’s sigh of relief.

After briefly locking eyes with Finn, Poe started talking.

“I was returning from one of my survey flight around Elbara Nine, when BB8 suddenly intercepted and recorded a conversation between two First Order officials. I wasn’t particularly close to the surface, but between BB8’s upgraded spy system and the fact that they were probably talking from a comm station with an open channel…”

Poe turned to speak to his droid friend.

“BB8, play the recording, please.”

The small droid beeped cheerily and a moment later two metallic voices filled the quiet room.

“…was saying, that was a damn waste of an engineer team, I tell you!”

_Does he mean…?_ Rey thought. _Is he talking about…_

“Yeah, well, it was worth it in the end, wasn't it? I mean, yeah, who knows where those men are now, who knows if they’re even alive,” the voice sneered, “but this ruse was brilliant and effective. The Resistance fell for it and lost time chasing them. And–”

“Yes, yes, I know, now our weapon is almost ready. But in the meantime that ginger son of a bitch has made our lives a living hell!”

“You mean General Hux? That’s nothing new. He’s always making our lives hell.”

“You say that because you worked under him on Starkiller, and he was different then. Still a pain in the ass, granted, but now... you’ve just arrived here, but you'll see soon enough. Suffice it to say, the moment Kylo Ren betrayed the First Order and escaped, Hux changed. And not for the better.”

“Huh? What do you mean?”

“That bloodthirsty bastard is obsessed with him. He's making us work like slaves because he can’t wait to vaporize the entire Mid Rim to get back at him. You’d say he fancied the guy, the way he’s behaving, like Ren broke his heart or something. You know what they say. _Hell hath no fury_ …”

There was a chuckle.

“Well, in five days he’ll have his reve– Hey, is that on? Switch it o–”

The recording stopped abruptly and the room fell into silence.

Rey exhaled slowly. The last part of the conversation had made her skin crawl.

Leia spoke.

“We fell into a trap. The weapon’s always been on Elbara, since its occupation. But there’s still time.”

She looked around at her Councillors, her face set and determined. “We need to get Luke and Ben. My son must go on his mission as soon as possible. Everything must be ready in three days.”

The General glanced meaningfully at Rey, Finn, Poe and Chewie.

“Let’s get to work.”


	24. Chapter 24

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi guys, I'm back! I'm sorry for being so late, but I hope you'll enjoy this new chapter, and I promise I'll do my best to finish the story before the movie comes out. There are ony a few chapters left! Please, leave me a review if you have the time! :) Happy reading Xx

When Ben got off the Falcon, the first person he saw was Leia, waiting for him at the base of the boarding ramp.

“Mother.”

“Oh Ben, welcome back!” Leia hugged her son tightly. He was only gone for a few days but she had missed him immensely.

He hugged her back, then took her face in his hands.

“How are you?”

“I’m fine Ben, don’t worry about me. We’re working hard to prepare everything in time for your mission. And about that,” her tone turned serious, and she leant towards her brother, who was just descending. “We have a meeting in a couple of hours. Go freshen up, eat something, and then join me and the others in my room.”

Luke nodded, while Ben frowned.

“A meeting? What d–”

“Ben!”

A surprised voice resounded in the hangar. Ben lifted his gaze from his mother’s face and saw Rey, standing awkwardly a few feet from him, looking at him with an expression that he identified right away: it was half recognition, half uncertainty.

“Rey?”

Ben took a step towards her.

She made a step back.

“N– No... Don't...”

“Rey? Why are you…?”

Before Ben could get closer, or even finish his question, she turned and fled.

_Wait, Rey! Don’t run away, please!_

She didn’t answer, leaving him standing beside his mother and uncle, wondering what in the world had just happened.

\--

Half an hour later, Luke found Rey in the woods, in the spot where they used to meditate together. She was sitting, eyes closed, her entire face twisted in a pained expression.

“Rey.”

She opened her eyes, slowly, sighing.

“I… I remembered everything. I don’t know what happened, but… as soon as I saw Ben getting off the Falcon, I… I remembered my accident, and him ignoring me.”

“I’m glad.”

Rey looked at her master, eyes glistening.

“I’m not! All I feel right now is anger, and loss, and resentment. And I don’t want to feel like this. It’s horrible. The way he treated me…” Rey shook her head. “I can’t. I can’t face him now. I’m too hurt, too angry, too… everything.”

The Jedi Master sighed. “I see. Well, no one is forcing you to talk to him, but we have a meeting with Leia in less than two hours. Clear your mind as much as possible and then join us, alright?”

She nodded. “Thank you, Master. And please… please don’t tell anyone that my memories are back. Not… not yet.”

Rey watched Luke nodding and then walking away. She closed her eyes once again, hoping that meditation would block her thoughts.

She had gained her memory back, and with it, many emotions too. She felt furious with Ben for his behaviour. There was a voice in her head that told her he might be feeling even worse, but that was no consolation.

She felt angry, because her negative feelings right now surpassed any other emotion. She felt sorry for herself, because that other emotion was still there, in spite of everything, and it was persistent, painful, and scary.

\--

When Rey got to Leia's chambers, she found the door ajar. As soon as she spotted Ben's profile inside the room, she froze, her heart beating wildly. She silently walked closer to the opening and peeked in.

He was sitting at the small central table, slightly hunched over, his face seemingly expressionless. He actually looked better than the last time she had seen him: the circles under his eyes had vanished, his paleness replaced by a healthy glow. Looking beyond though, Rey could clearly recognize a veil of worry covering his features. She bit her lower lip, and forcing back a vague sense of guilt, she pushed the door open and entered the room.

It was packed with people: the General, Luke and Chewbacca sat at one end of the table, Finn, Poe and BB8 were standing next to them, Ben was sitting alone, opposite his mother. Rey gave him a wide berth and walked towards Finn, never even glancing in his direction. She could feel Ben’s eyes on her, but she did her best to ignore him, and after a few minutes he looked away.

“Now that we're all here,” Luke started, “we need to discuss the plan for Ben's mission on Elbara Nine.”

Ben lifted an eyebrow. “What's there to discuss?”

Finn grinned at him. “Well, you see, while we agree that you should be the one to go on this mission, we've never liked your suicidal plan. No one here wants you dead. So we've come up with a plan of our own to ensure that you survive.”

Ben sighed. “Making sure that I survive puts you all at risk. I can't ask you to-”

“Come on Ben, you're not asking,” Poe interjected. "That's our decision. Hear us out anyway. You promised, if I remember correctly.”

Ben swallowed.

“Alright,” he whispered.

Rey had followed the exchange with mixed feelings. Part of her, the part that remembered, the angry and hurt part, kept on thinking that he didn't deserve the effort. She knew it was petty and unfair, especially towards Leia, so she soon choked the thought out. The other part, the one she didn’t want to face, felt pure, unadulterated relief.

When Finn and Poe explained the plan, Ben went silent for a full minute. Then, head bowed, he murmured “Thank you.”

\--

Ben frowned. He was minutes away from leaving for his mission on Elbara with Chewie and Poe. Ten X-wing ships were ready for take off as well. Everyone had come to bid him and the others goodbye. Everyone except for the one person he wished to see the most.

“Ben,” his mother called. She walked to him and took his hands. “Come back safe. Please… don’t be reckless. The people who love you won’t gain anything from your death. Do your duty and then come back to us.”

She looked him in the eyes for a long moment, and then she hugged him fiercely. He placed his chin on his mother’s head, hugging her back.

“I will, mom.”

She smiled at him, teary-eyed, then stepped back, walking towards Poe and Chewie.

Luke took her place in front of him. He looked at his nephew with a sparkle in his eyes.

“Did you bring it?”

“Yes, uncle. But I still don’t think I should use it for–”

“I’m not telling you to use it. Follow your instinct. Listen to what the Force says to you. And if it comes down to a fight, trust in your weapon.”

“Thank you. And uncle…”

“Yes?”

“If I don’t come back… please, tell Rey… tell her that I–”

“You just promised your mother you’ll come back safe. I’m not telling Rey anything. You’ll do it as soon as you’re back.”

Ben hung his head, biting his lower lip in worry.

“She doesn’t even want to see me.”

Luke squeezed his shoulder.

“You’ll be able to talk to her when you get back. I promise.”

\--

_Rey I… I’m leaving for Elbara. I just wanted…_

Rey looked at the ships leaving for the mission from the roof of hangar 10. She had decided not to go say goodbye because she still hadn’t figured out how to behave around Ben. She felt wrenched in opposite directions, and it was intolerable. The X-wings took off and in a flash they were gone. Seconds later, the ship that transported Ben, Poe, BB8 and Chewie slowly rose up in the air.

_…goodbye Rey._

“Good luck, Ben” Rey murmured, watching the ship vanish in the sky.

\--

The journey to Elbara would occupy a little less than a day, so Rey used that time to tell Leia and Finn that her memory had come back. They were overjoyed, even though they didn’t ask her much about it: it was almost as if they had both agreed not to. Rey was actually very relieved.

The tension she had accumulated that morning turned into a terrible headache, so Rey went to her room, took a shower and rested a bit on her bed.

Later, in the dim light of the sunset, she looked at herself in the mirror, determined to face her feelings for Ben. She knew that was something that sooner or later she would have to confront. So she thought about him. About the good things and about the bad things. About her reaction when she saw him, and the feeling she had when she wasn’t with him. About his teachings, their training together, his patience. His smile.

His silence. His indifference.

Any tenderness Rey might have felt in her heart disappeared, drowned in anger and frustration.

_This is useless._

Deeming it time to head to the Command Centre, Rey stood up abruptly and left the tranquillity of her room.

In the Command Centre she found Luke, Leia and Finn standing in front of a series of screens. One showed Elbara getting close: it was transmitting from the bridge of the main ship; Rey could glimpse Chewie’s furry hands and Poe’s gloves on the controls. Another one showed Ben in a small room, sitting in meditation, eyes closed, face pale but serene.

Leia and Finn’s gaze didn’t move from the screens, but when Luke saw her, he signalled her to follow him outside.

“Has something happened, Master?” she asked, a strain of worry creeping into her voice.

“I need to apologise to you, Rey. I think… I feel I have some degree of responsibility in the way Ben treated you.”

“Wh– what do you mean?”

“I was selfish. And a coward. I should have told you this a long time ago. I knew from the start that Ben’s plan to make you hate him was stupid. I knew you could never hate him, and I knew that you would suffer. I should have opposed him. I should have done something more than expressing my doubts. But I just couldn’t… I finally had my nephew back, my sister was smiling for the first time since losing Han and I… I couldn’t go against him. Not as strongly as I should have. I feared we would lose him again, to the Dark Side or to mere stubbornness. I’m so sorry Rey. I should have–”

“Stop talking,” Rey said, lifting a hand. She fell silent for a full minute, then exhaled and looked at Luke severely.

“You should have done something, yes: you could have told me Ben’s intentions for one. You knew I would suffer, and yet you didn’t tell me?” She glared at him. “But what’s done is done. Knowing Ben, I think no one could have swayed him to change his mind.”

“Rey, I–”

“This doesn’t mean you’re forgiven.”

“I’m deeply sorry.”

“Let’s go back in. They should be landing by now.” Without adding another word, Rey stepped away and joined Leia and Finn at the screens.

From the bridge of the main ship all Rey could see was white and light blue.

“They're on Elbara. Poe is looking for a place to hide the ship,” Finn told her. “He wants to get as close as possible to the First Order’s base.” He handed her a headpiece, and when she donned it she could hear the X-wing pilots talking. They were waiting for Poe’s command, which came a few minutes later, when the screen showed that the ship had stopped behind a huge ice formation.

“Phase one - done. The ball is starting. The dancer is moving. Prepare for phase two.”

Rey looked at Finn quizzically. “The ball and the dancer?”

He grinned. “Code words. BB8’s the ball. We had to think quickly.”

Rey chuckled.

“He’s going inside…” Leia whispered. Rey positioned herself next to her, taking her hand.

“It’s going to be alright. He’s going to come back.”

She felt the General squeeze her hand back in gratitude.

“Snowflakes, go. Initiate phase two.” Poe ordered.

_May the Force be with you, Ben_.


	25. Chapter 25

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, new chapter here! I think two chapters more and then we're done! I really hope to finish my story before the movie comes out, fingers crossed! Enjoy the chapter and tell me what you think in the comments! Xx

Ben stopped BB8 by blocking his path with a leg and retreated behind a corner, blending in with the shadows. They had successfully entered the First Order base, and thanks to the distraction provided by the X-wings, they had managed to walk down several corridors undetected, until now.

He leaned slightly forward to glance in the corridor: a small squadron of Stormtroopers had stopped not far from where Ben and BB8 were hiding, and it didn’t look like they would move soon. They were probably waiting for orders.

Ben kneeled down, whispering to the little droid.

“BB8, I have to make them move, we can’t afford to lose time. I need you on the lookout while I concentrate, alright?”

The droid beeped in alarm, and Ben answered: “I know she’s better than I am at mind tricks but… she’s not here. I have to try.” The droid beeped again, expressing his assent, and turned around, scanning the surrounding area.

Ben inhaled deeply, stood up and walked towards the group of soldiers. As soon as they saw him, he raised his arms and blocked their movements.

“You are going to drop your weapons, walk away and forget all about me. Right now. Go.”

He unfroze their legs and feet and while some of them started to move, others remained rooted to the spot. Ben focused harder, calling the Force and trying to bend them to his will. Suddenly he felt a massive rush of power filling his mind and body: overcoming the initial surprise, he instinctively used it to make the troopers obey. In less than a minute, they all disappeared down the corridors, and Ben could draw a breath of relief.

_Thank you._

He sighed.

_Be careful._

Hearing her voice, her words, in his mind again, Ben felt warm inside for the first time in… forever. Smiling despite the seriousness of the situation, he took off with BB8 behind him. Luckily, he just ran into a few guards along the way, and he could easily deflect them thanks to the Force. Rey was always a silent but steady presence in his mid.

When they finally reached the heavily guarded doors that led to the underground hangar where the weapon was, Ben closed his eyes, concentrating.

_I need you again, please._

Rey’s response wasn’t long in coming: this time, when Ben stepped out of the shadows and walked in front of the troopers, he used the extra strength to make them all fall immediately asleep.

He willed the doors to open and carefully set foot inside with BB8.

After an elevator ride and a long, dimly-lit corridor, they found themselves in front of it: the most enormous weapon they had ever seen after Starkiller Base. It was black and metallic, shaped like a cone and placed on a pedestal that allowed it to rotate.

Immediately they retreated into the shadows of the corridor entrance. A huge scaffolding structure surrounded the weapon; troopers and officials walked on it at various levels.

_Rey, can you hide me for a while?_

_Of course. Tell me when you’re ready._

Ben told BB8 to guard him while he worked, and the droid beeped.

_I’m ready._

Suddenly Ben sensed a veil of energy surrounding him: Rey was using the Force as a shield that made him virtually invisible. Free to work without worrying, he focused on the weapon: the Force allowed him to understand its structure, every connection, every mechanism, every vital part. When he had a clear blueprint in his mind, he proceeded to snap, block and destroy the weapon from the inside. Everything yielded to the Force: wires, gears, Ben methodically damaged all of it.

Once he had finished, he called BB8 and asked, “Are you ready?”

The little droid beeped excitedly, and Ben stepped out in the open, looking up towards the scaffolding, searching for a specific ginger-haired official. When he spotted him, walking on one of the highest levels, he closed his eyes.

_Rey, you can stop shrouding me._

_Ok but… tell me when you’re done?_

_He needs to see me until the end._

_I know, but still…_

_Don’t worry about me._

_Alright. They can see you now._

Ben used the Force to distract Hux from what he was saying to another official, and to make him turn his head and look down. When their gazes met, the colour drained from the General's already pale face. His eyes widened, and after a few seconds, he disappeared.

Knowing Hux would immediately try to capture him, Ben turned and fled down the corridor.

An alarm started blaring deafeningly; Ben and BB8 managed to catch the elevator, whose doors closed just as Hux appeared at the end of the corridor.

During the short ride up, Ben murmured, “He’ll shoot at us. I will deflect his shots and distract him. You do your job fast, alright?”

The droid's only aswer were two short metallic rods appearing from the sides of his body, their sharp edges gleaming.

When the elevator stopped and the doors opened, the guards that Ben had previously knocked out were beginning to stir weakly. No longer caring about being stealthy, this time he threw them against a wall with a flick of his hand, rendering them harmless.

He stopped at the entrance of another corridor, and he waited there until he heard the ding of the elevator’s door opening again, revealing Hux, then he took off.

“Ren, wait!” Hux shouted at him. “Stop, you bastard!”

His voice, Ben noticed, was a mixture of anger and…

_I think he misses you_ , Rey chuckled in his mind.

_…what?!_

Shaking his head in disbelief, Ben checked Hux’s position; deeming it too close for comfort, he hastened his pace.

“BB8, we’re almost at the exit. Get ready!”

When he spotted the door through which he had previously entered the base, Ben stopped and turned, waiting for Hux, hand placed on his hip, fingers trailing along the stiff outline of the weapon holster.

Finally, Hux appeared, stopping dead in his tracks when he saw Ben standing still, a door behind him.

“Where the hell have you been?” the redhead exploded.

Ben paused, lifting an eyebrow. Of all the things Hux could have told him, this was kind of… unexpected.

“You know where I was.”

“Yes but… I thought…” he struggled, clearly embarrassed.

Ben looked at him for a moment, and then he furtively probed Hux’s mind with the Force.

“You… you thought I was pretending…the whole time you thought…”

“Stop it Ren!”

“You thought Snoke had you beat me to a pulp for a mission??”

“I said STOP IT!” Hux shouted, his face red and angry.

“Well, guess what? It wasn’t a mission. I no longer belong to the Dark Side.”

At those words, Hux paused. He looked at Ben, his expression going from puzzlement to astonishment to contempt.

“You really went back to your _mother_? You went back to that little bitch scavenger??”

Ben’s expression darkened.

“Don’t.”

“What, is she your little girlfriend now? Am I offending your precious little bitch?”

Hux pulled out a blaster from his holster.

“Why did you come here? If you won’t come back, WHY ARE YOU EVEN HERE?” he screamed, voice cracking at the end.

“I’m just fighting for what is right. That’s all.”

Ben’s calm response did nothing to placate the General, whose expression became even more enraged.

“Well then FUCK YOU REN!” He lifted the blaster and pressed the trigger.

Swift as lightning, Ben drew something out of his holster, and blocked the shot with a blazing, brand new lavender lightsaber.

Hux’s eyes widened in surprise, but he recovered quickly, and started firing shot after shot against Ben, walking slowly towards him, arm stretched in front of him. Ben blocked all of the projectiles, moving slowly backwards, trying to reach the door and keep Hux distracted. When he sensed a group of Stormtroopers approaching, he knew he had to be quick.

“Your aim is terrible,” Ben taunted the General.

“Shut up!”

“Really, what have you been doing while I was away? Did you keep to your rooms pining? You should have practiced more.”

“Shut…UP!!”

In his wrath, Hux didn’t notice BB8 coming closer and closer to him, and when he saw Ben lowering his arm for a second, he doubled his efforts and managed to hit him in the shoulder. His cry of triumph immediately turned into a cry of pain.

Ben, leaning against the door, saw Hux crumpling to the floor, one of his legs bleeding profusely from a deep cut above his ankle.

“What the f– Bloody droid!”

BB8 had already reached Ben, beeping excitedly.

“Good job. Let’s get out of here.”

With a last glance to Hux, Ben opened the door and ran outside in the snow with the little droid.

\--

“Ball and Dancer out! We’re out!”

Poe heard Ben’s message and immediately ordered the X-wings to attack the opposite side of the base again.

“Keep running, I’m coming for you, Dancer.”

The spaceship rose from its hiding spot behind an ice formation and flew in plain sight towards the base. As soon as he spotted Ben and BB8, Poe said, “Chewie, blast that group of Stormtroopers behind them out of the sky!”

The wookie growled and started firing.

“Dancer and Ball, there are more troopers coming, I can’t land to make you board safely! We’ll improvise, alright?”

The ship didn’t stop but Poe lowered the boarding ramp; Ben took BB8 off the ground, holding him into his arms and sped up, preparing to jump. The little droid started beeping in alarm, but Ben just grinned and said, “Too late,” and hurled himself onto the ramp, the force of the leap making him roll over to the opposite edge. BB8 released two wires, anchoring them both to the ship.

“Thank you buddy. That was close.”

Ben laughed at BB8’s angry beeping, while the ramp slowly closed, and the ship took off properly, away from Elbara 9.

\--

The first person Ben saw when he put his feet on the ground was his mother, who hugged him tightly and instantly pulled away after he groaned in pain. Chewie had patched his shoulder up but the wound still burned.

“I’m sorry Ben, you’re hurt! Are you alright? How did that happen?”

“It was Hux… I had to distract him so that BB8 could–”

“And you thought of distracting him by hurting yourself? Didn’t I tell you not to be reckless?”

“It’s just a scratch mum, don’t–”

“Don’t you dare tell me not to worry! Don’t ever do that again!”

“Yes ma’am,” Ben replied quietly.

Leia caressed his cheek, her eyes shiny.

Ben lifted his gaze and saw his uncle smiling at him.

“Well done, Ben.”

“Thank you, uncle.”

Suddenly, the small crowd that had gathered at the landing ground parted, revealing an out of breath Rey. She was panting like she had been running, her cheeks were red, her eyes bright, her hair all over the place, and she was the most beautiful sight Ben had ever seen.

_I felt you come back. Sorry I’m late._

_You’re not. Don’t be sorry. How are you?_

_I’m good, now that you’re here._

Ben’s eyes widened in surprise. He was about to ask her what she meant, when she started running towards him and leapt in his arms, the force of her hug sending them both crashing to the ground.

He felt her body trembling against his, and he realized she was crying. He hugged her fiercely, and she spoke softly in his ear.

“I remember everything. Thank you for being alive. I’m sorry I treated you–”

“Don’t be. _I’m_ sorry. I treated you so awfully…”

“I know why you did it. It was stupid and dumb and idiotic. But I know you wanted to save my life.”

“Still… there’s no excuse.”

“I forgive you. That’s it.”

Ben pulled back a little, trying to look Rey in the eyes.

“Rey, you… how can you? I’m just…”

She placed her fingers on his mouth.

“Shh. I said I forgive you. End of discussion.”

Ben smiled. “I’m... Thank you. I’m happy.”

Rey squeezed him more, some stray tears rolling down her cheeks. Ben caressed her back, slowly, comfortingly, for a few minutes, and then he whispered, “Not that I’m displeased with our position, but my shoulder kinda hurts?”

Rey laughed, brushing away the tears with the back of her hand; she disentangled herself from him and stood up. Then she reached her hand out to Ben.

“Come with me.”


	26. Chapter 26

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello guys, here's the second to last chapter for you!! I honestly don't think I'll be able to post the last one before the movie comes out, but I hope you'll read it anyway :) This one, well, I'm kinda nervous about because *drumroll* there's smut in it and I have no idea if it's good or if it sucks... so I'd love your feedback on that ;)  
> Happy reading, reviews are much appreciated! Xx  
> PS it's late and I'm veeery tired, so if you find any mistakes please point them out to me and I'll fix them!

“Ow!”

“Who took care of this wound?”

“Chewie.”

“Mh. On a scale from Hoth to Yavin Prime, how probable is it that this bacta-bandage has been on the Falcon since before your dad met your mum?”

“I’d say – ow! – Yavin Prime probable.”

“I figured… it didn’t heal your shoulder one bit. Wait here.”

Rey stood and went to the other side of the infirmary, where a white chest of drawers ran along the entire wall. She stooped, opening the drawers in search of something. Ben was watching her movements completely mesmerized, still wondering at how she had found it in her to forgive him so soon.

“I can hear you thinking from here,” Rey said.

Ben blushed, caught off guard.

“I wasn’t…”

“You were. I can literally read your thoughts. We’re good, Ben. And I didn’t forgive you immediately, I’m not some saint. A-ha!” Rey exclaimed triumphantly, pulling out something white from a drawer.

She returned to Ben with brand new bacta-bandages in her arms.

“Now stay still.”

She carefully applied the bandages to the wound, wrapping them around Ben’s shoulder and securing them well. Then her light fingers pressed a little over them to make sure they wouldn’t move, and her touch lingered on Ben’s warm skin, his arm, his chest, his collarbone.

“Rey…” Ben breathed, closing his eyes.

“I missed you… I missed you here, I missed you in my head…” Rey told him, cupping his cheek with her hand. She delicately passed her thumb under his eye, and whispered, “Look at me.”

Ben opened his eyes and gazed in hers, feeling a rush of excitement when he realised she was slowly closing the distance between them. He could feel her breath on his lips and his own heart beating wildly. She sighed and–

“Rey! Ben! You’re needed in… uh oh.”

Someone had slammed the infirmary door open. When Ben and Rey, instantly springing apart, turned towards it, a sheepish Finn was trying not to look at them while at the same time conveying the urgency of his request.

“The General needs you both at the Command Centre. It’s… kinda urgent?”

Rey and Ben both nodded. When Finn turned and hastily exited the infirmary, they both moved to follow him, exchanging a silent glance and a small smile.

\--

The Command Centre was busy as usual, but Leia, Luke, Chewie, Poe and all the members of the Council were gathered around the main screen, which showed a map of the galaxy. The image kept on changing, and it looked almost as if–

“Did you find it?” Ben asked, his tone animated.

They all turned to look at the newcomers.

“Still searching. Let’s hope it works,” Poe answered.

BB8 bleeped reproachfully at him.

“Yeah, you’re right buddy. It’s definitely going to work.”

Everyone looked at the screen. The images came one after the other, showing increasingly smaller and more detailed sections of the galaxy. A red dot was visible in every image. After a few minutes, the sequence of images slowed down until the red dot stopped, blinking in the lower left side of the screen.

“Busted!” Rey exclaimed. “Great job BB8!”

The little droid beeped cheerfully in thanks.

“Can we already tell where they are headed?” Finn asked.

“Well, let's see...” Councillor Seastriker mumbled. He walked to the controls and typed something, and a purple line that joined Elbara Nine to the red dot appeared on the screen.

Observing the red dot moving slowly, he said, “Based on the few data we have at the moment and judging by this trajectory I think there are only four possibilities: the Dravian Station, Sevarcos, Kirdo and Skustell.”

Everyone gasped.

“These planets are so close to us! To the Core! How is that possible?” Leia said. “Ben, didn’t you say that Snoke–”

“Yes, Snoke has a base on Moraband, mother, but… I am positive that Hux is going to him now. That’s the protocol. And if the tracker BB8 placed in his leg is working, then Snoke must have decided to risk everything and get closer to us.”

“I think that’s good. He’s showing uneasiness,” Luke asserted.

Silence fell on the group, everyone mulling over the Jedi’s words.

Poe interrupted it. “Councillor Seastriker… could you pinpoint which planet Snoke is on?”

The young Councillor thought for a minute, then he reduced the map of the Galaxy to a square in the lower left of the screen and typed something. An image showing two planets, one blue and bright, the other orange and sandy, appeared.

“I’d leave the Dravian Station out for obvious reasons. And as you can see, Kirdo is a desertic planet, while Skustell is covered in oceans. It would have taken the First Order too long to build a base on either of these planets, even with their massive labour force.” The image on the screen changed, showing a planet covered in canyons. “Sevarcos on the other hand has been affiliated with the Galactic Empire in the past, and houses miles and miles of galleries under its surface. Spice mines, to be exact.”

“So that’s where Snoke is,” Rey murmured.

After a minute of contemplative silence, Leia spoke.

“Councillors, I propose we get on with the plan. Right now, the First Order is rattled, their weapon has been destroyed, they need to regroup. They don’t expect an attack because they feel safe and well hidden.”

“Let’s take them down,” Admiral Ackbar concluded.

\--

The Resistance fleet had departed from D’qar a day after Ben and BB8 had completed their mission on Elbara Nine. The preparations had been swift and orderly, because the General wanted her people to be always ready for battle.

Rey had left on the Falcon, along with Ben, Finn and Poe. Leia, Chewie and Luke had boarded another ship with Admiral Ackbar. The rest of the Council members had spread out evenly on other vessels, and so had the soldiers, while a great number of X-wings flanked the larger ships.

It would take a day and a half for the Resistance to reach Sevarcos, so Rey was trying to get some sleep in her bunk. But sleep wouldn’t come. All day she had tried to find five minutes of peace and quiet to speak with Ben, but they had both been extremely busy with plans and preparations. Then, when they had boarded the ship, he had gone straight to the men’s sleeping quarters, still exhausted and sore from his mission.

Rey wished to see him, to talk to him, to understand if he still blamed himself for something. She only wanted to put him at ease, to give him some peace of mind.

The need to hug him and comfort him was so strong that Rey threw aside the covers and stood, marched to the door and opened it forcibly… only to gasp when she found a dishevelled Ben on the other side.

“You were… you were calling me so loudly, I–” he whispered, his gaze so intense and luminous that she felt weak in the knees.

Rey stopped thinking. She flung herself at him and Ben, ready, slid his hands under her thighs and lifted her without effort. Rey locked her legs around him and kissed him fiercely. He kissed her back with equal fervour, walked inside the room and shut the door. Then he spun and pressed Rey against it, making her gasp and breaking their kiss, only to attack her throat, alternating light bites and sensuous kisses. Rey groaned, feeling Ben’s arousal against her belly, and craning her neck so he could kiss her more, she muttered, “B-bed… Ben, please…”

In two quick strides, Ben moved her from the door to the mattress, where Rey landed gently with him on top of her. She frantically grasped his black shirt, lifting it and taking it off, then her hands begun exploring his pale, scarred, muscular body, making him shiver. She shifted under him and Ben understood, switching their positions. Looking at him, half-naked, aroused and trapped under her, Rey grinned and slowly took off her top. Her nipples hardened under Ben’s admiring gaze, and Rey’s cheeks flushed at the images his mind conjured.

Ben lifted a finger and circled her left breast delicately, soft as a feather, pinching her nipple between index and thumb, and repeating the motion on the right. Rey felt heat and arousal pooling between her legs, and sent him an image that made him rise up on his elbows and buck his hips right against her.

He placed his hands on her lower back, caressing her warm skin, and mouthing at her breasts, pausing to circle her nipples with his tongue and sucking on them, while Rey closed her eyes and enjoyed the attention. When her nipples got so sensitive she couldn’t stand it anymore, she pushed against Ben’s pectorals to make him lie down again. She untied his pants and underwear, paused to glance at him, as if to ask him permission, and when he nodded frantically, she smiled, pleased, and slid his pants off.

Ben’s cock was hard and flushed, begging for attention. Rey traced Ben’s lips with her fingers, and he opened his mouth, sucking and licking them thoroughly. Then she brought her shiny hand to Ben’s cock and caressed it lightly from the tip to the base, grazing his balls delicately. Ben shuddered and arched his back in pleasure.

Rey smiled, continuing with her caresses.

“Ben, you’re so…” she said.

“I’m… I’m what?” he panted.

“So open, so beautiful… I– can’t really find the words to describe you.”

Rey leaned forward, until her face hovered right above Ben's.

“I love you,” she told him.

“I love you too,” he answered immediately.

They both smiled, sharing a slow kiss that sent jolts of excitement through their bodies.

“Please Ben,” Rey whimpered, stroking her groin against his. “Please, now.”

He didn’t need to be told a second time. He flipped their positions and hovered over Rey while he removed her panties with one hand. She opened her legs enticingly, stroking his sides with her calves. He placed his elbows beside her face and watched her.

“Rey, are you..?” Ben left his question unfinished, but she understood.

“It's been a while but I've done this before. And I’m protected,” she answered.

He growled in satisfaction and pushed his cock against her folds, gasping at the silky wetness that engulfed him.

“You okay?” he asked, trembling.

“Yes...you can move...slowly,”

He obeyed, pushing lightly and drawing back a little, then pushing again, until he was completely buried inside her.

Ben looked at Rey, cheeks flushed, mouth open in a silent “oh”, hair a mess, and he just had to kiss her, quick and sweet.

“What was that for?” she murmured.

 “You’re just… you,” he told her.

Then he began rocking slowly inside her, and Rey felt him slide in and out, in and out, pleasure spreading in her at each thrust. Ben gradually moved faster, watching every emotion that crossed her face, kissing her neck, cupping her cheeks with his hands, caressing her reddened skin with his fingers.

“T… turn me around,” Rey panted, sending him an image.

Ben groaned and lifted her up on her knees, pulled out, turned her and plunged immediately back inside her.

Rey gasped, arching her back and turning her head to kiss him. He supported her with an arm around her waist, while the other one kept her body flush against his chest. His hand squeezed her breasts making her moan, and his thrusts got slower and deeper. He mouthed her neck and bit down on the soft flesh that joined it to the shoulder. Rey gasped and moaned in pleasure, her walls spasming and tightening around him.

_Rey, god… I love you. I love being inside you._

_I – yes – I love – oh! – Ben, Ben…!_

Ben chuckled, pulling out again and laying Rey back down on the bed, covering her body with his and re-entering her swiftly. He grabbed one of her thighs and lifted it, making his thrusts long and deep.

“Don’t stop Ben, I need–”

_Tell me what you need._

_Faster Ben, please, faster, I’m almost–_

Ben increased his speed, tightening his grip on Rey’s thigh, pumping inside her faster and faster until–

“Ben I’m… Ben, I love you, oh god, Ben, Ben..!”

Pleasure exploded inside Rey, filling her whole body up, and she projected all that she was feeling to Ben’s mind, so that he instantly climaxed too, his voice chanting Rey’s name while his brain went completely blank for a moment.

He slowed down, panting, eyes squeezed shut, and when he felt Rey’s light fingertips on his forehead he opened them, finding her gaze on him, a smile brightening up her whole face.

“Are you okay?” she asked.

“I’m more than okay.”

Ben rested his forehead on Rey’s collarbone, kissing her skin softly.

“It just doesn’t seem real.”

She took his face in her hands and looked him in the eyes.

“It _is_ real. It’s very very real. And,” she added. “You _do_ deserve this,” she said, blocking his protest before he could even express it.

He smiled, looking down.

“Now I need sleep, so just hold me and be quiet, alright?” she ordered, shifting so that her back was against his chest.

“Yes ma’am,” Ben whispered in her hair, closing his eyes, his lips stretched in a grin.

They fell asleep like that, the bond between them glowing bright in the Force, and stronger than ever.


End file.
